Thursday, October 28, 2010

Bisexuality Is More Common Than You Think

For so many years, I was in a personal hell of my own making. As far as I knew I was the only married guy in the world that thought of other guys with lust for their hard cocks and hard bodies even though I had a beautiful wife who gave me all the great sex I wanted and was very very good at it to boot.

To make matters worse, I was a Christian guy. I was not only a Christian guy, I was in church every Sunday and I was a leader in my church, not just a member in the seats. I was bound to be the  only Christian married man who dreamed of hard cocks and handsome men and craved a connection with them.

In those pre computer age days there simply was no way to know without exposing oneself to great danger how other guys felt about their sexuality or what their wet dreams were about.

In late 1990's I got my first laptop. For the first time I had the means and the opportunity to begin to explore the web. Much to my surprise, I found not only was I not alone; but there were millions of Christian married men just like me.

In a 2006 article by Antonio Galarza, Mr. Galarza states when you look at the romantic orientation of men, 71% are heteroromanitc meaning they have romantic feelings only for women.  He goes on to state that 15% of men are biromantic. That means that 15 % of men have romantic feelings toward other men as well as towards women. Another 13.5 percent of men are homoromantic which means they only respond to men romantically and do not respond to women romantically.

When it gets down to putting the boots on the ground, so to speak, and looking at the sexual orientation of men as opposed their romantic orientation, Mr. Galarza contends, shockingly,  that fully 79.5% of men are bisexual. In other words almost 8 of every 10 men are bisexual and are physically and emotionally capable of responding sexually to both other men and to women. In addition to the 80% whose sexual orientation is bisexual, Mr. Galarza contends that another 10% of men's sexual orientation is homosexual meaning the can respond sexually only to other men. Most shocking of all, Mr. Galarza contends that only 10% of all men are heterosexual in their sexual orientation, meaning that only 1 in every ten men is capable only of responding to a woman sexually.

Mr. Gararza does not contend that 80% of men are in fact actively bisexual. His contention is that they have had bisexual contacts at some point in their life or are capable of having such  contacts and responding to them. To put it in the simplists of terms, Mr. Galarza contends that bisexuality is the norm for the human male. It is only the power of cultural, societal and religious constraints that inhibit men from being what they biologically are. Anyone who has studied Greek and Roman culture can begin to see the possibilities behind Mr. Galarza's reasonsing. In those cultures bisexuality was the norm and it was a social norm as well as a biological norm. The Spartans were the greatest warrior society the wolrd has ever known and biexuality was the foundation upon which that fearsome warrior society was based. A man was fighting not only for  his country, his wife and his family, he was fighting beside his sexual partner and protecting his partner's life, while his partner did the same.

Mr. Galarza goes on to say, "It is the innate bisexuality of males that causes most straight-identified guys to fear anything gay. The label bisexual is rejected by "heterosexual" people -- and by straight males, in particular -- because they think that it means rejecting the opposite sex romantically. But one can be straight in the romantic sense and bisexual in the purely sexual sense -- at least, males can, who easily divorce sex from romance. One can also be gay in the romantic sense and bisexual in the purely hormonal sense. In other words, people can identify in more than one way if presented with new analytical concepts and multitiered orientation scales...."

While much of what Mr. Galarza writes would be shocking to the average American male, I found it fit me to a T. My romantic orientation is strictly heterosexual. I have always been romantically in love with my wife. I cannnot imagine being romantically in love with another man. However, since I was six years old, my sexual orientation has be bisexual. I guess in one sense, I would have to say that from the time I was six years old to about age twelve my sexual orientation was homosexual becasue I did not have and did not wish to have sexual encounters with girls at that age. However sexual encounters with other boys was a daily thing for me at that age. At about age twelve, right on schedule, I became interested in girls sexually and continued to have daily sexual encounters with guys. I had become bisexual in my sexual orientation.

Since I resolved to face my desires, I have had four long term buddies. All but one of these men have been Christians. The one was raised a Christian (Catholic) but rejected a belief in God as an adult. If anything, my personal experiece has been that while they are most likely to suffer guilt because of their sexual desires, Christian men seem somewhat more prone to express their bisexuality in male/male sexual activity than do those who are not believers.

Whatever the truth may be, it is true that America is one of the most Christian nations on earth. New surveys by the Pew Research Center continue to confirm that Americans are overwhelmingly people of faith. For that reason, married bisexual men must generally come to terms with their sexuality within the context of their faith or they cannot come to terms with it at all. This can be pretty difficult for those men who are part of the fundamental Christian right. However, as the news media regularly inform us, even national leaders of the fundamental Christian right are not immune to desires for hard cocks and hard bodies. The only thing that is shocking to me is that so many of these nationally known figures are so careless in exercising their desires.

As a long time moderator of a group for married bisexual men, I come into contact with a great number of men and discuss their sexuality openly with them.  A significant percentage of these men are clergy. A significant number of them, like other Christian men have feelings of guilt regarding their sexuality just as I did in my early married life.

I had to make my way though that guilt on my own. But as the old saying goes, "that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger." I am a stronger person for having pulled myself up by my own bootstraps and studied and reasoned myself to peace within my own heart and soul.

Now I am well aware that educated and learned men like Antonio Galarza have found bisexuality to be within the norms of human sexuality. I am part of one of the larger mainstream moderate Protestant churches and my own pastor is emphathetic to gay and bisexual persons which is as it should be as they are as God made them. All but the Psychotherapist who also happen to be fundamental Christians consider bisexuality to be within the norms of human sexuality.

The goal of this blog is not to convince those who choose to see it differently they are wrong. Instead, the goal of this blog is to convince those who are struggling with their marriage and their bisexuality they are not outside the human norm and they are not alone. To help them to see that peace and self understanding are possible.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Welcome to Jack Scott's BisexualBuddies Blog

Since I was a very young child, I had a strong interest in other males. At first I didn't think this interest made me different from other boys in any particular way because I lived in a small Texas town where entertainment was almost non existent other than what we could organize ourselves as kids.

Boys being boys, and being boys who were together from morning to night we were very much aware of the marvelous appendage  hanging between our legs and how good it could be made to feel. With little else to do and knowing each other so well, sexual activity was a group thing for us. Everyone did it and everyone enjoyed it.

We would play together in groups sometimes as big as ten or more and we would pair off at times based on personal interests and other factors. No one was ever made to do anything he didn't want to do and everyone was treated with respect. It was in many ways, an ideal childhood.

The sexual play continued into and through high school. Though some boys had dropped out by high school most still played. It wasn't that we were not interested in girls by this time, we were; but sex with our buddies was always available. Such was not the case with girls.

I married at 18. I assumed with a young beautiful wife who liked sex and was good at it in my bed each night the guy sex would die a natural death. I was devastated when that did not happen. In spite of all the great sex I wanted and more than I needed, the desire for my guy friends got stronger and stronger.

It was at this point, in those pre internet days, that I came to believe that I was the only married guy in the world who thought the thoughs and had the desires that I have. I began to think I was some kind of monster.

For years I fought off the desires and took no action concerning them. I could put it all out of my mind during the day, but at night I would dream dreams of hot guys and hard cocks and would awaken covered in my own cum.

Finally, the computer age arrived and I got my first computer. I made a huge discovery. There were chat rooms for gay and bisexual men. I was not unaware of homosexuality. I was totally unaware of bisexuality. I was totally unaware that there are tens of thousands of gay and bisexual married men around the world who struggle with their sexuality.

Those chat rooms opened a new world for me. I began to study everything I could get my hands on concerning homosexuality and bisexuality. I came to see that I was not a married homosexual man, but rather a married bisexual man. Through contacts with other men both in person and on the internet, I began to come to know myself and to respect myself again.

I came to see that I was not a monster. I was a successful man. A good husband and father. But like many other such men, I was bisexual.

I know for a fact that there are tens of thousands of such men still out there struggling with their sexual desire for men at the same time they try to be good husbands and fathers. This blog is dedicated to those men and my hope is that it will become a point of contact and communication for such men so that they can learn to accept themselves for what they are by birth and not by choice, gay or bisexual men.

I look forward to your participation in the blog and to your comments. Nothing is off limits in this blog. Since the goal is self understanding each participant must be free to express himself in the context of who he is.

We do not sit in judgement in this blog. We never attack. We never condemn. We offer a helping hand with empathy and genuine concern for one another.

Things like religion are touchy subjects. They are emotional subjects; but most Americans are religious people. A man cannot come to peace with his sexuality unless he does so within the context of his faith. Therefore religion can be discussed in the context of how it relates to ones sexuality. No one will be permitted to use the blog as a pulpit for converting others to their own brand of religion however.

By the same token, many are not religioius at all. Thousands of Americans have died for our right not only to practice our religious faith but also to be free of any religious faith at all if we so choose. No one will be condemned in this blog for being an atheist or a doubter.

I look forward to your comments and your contributions to self understanding of those of use who are married gay or bisexual men.

Jack Scott
Anyone can comment on what I write in this blog. Regretfully, the recent amount of spam in my email account as required that I reinstate the word verification process for comments which I personally hate.

But at the same time I have loosened the comment moderation process so that those of you who have a Google Blogger ID or other recognized blogger ID will no longer need to wait for your comment to be moderated. I'm hoping this will tempt you to take the trouble to comment.

The truth is I want respectful comments both from those who agree with me and those who do not. All I as is that you keep comments to the point, clean and non-threatenting.

I look forward to hearing from each of you.

Jack Scott