tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703298219148864437.post1411362919759412646..comments2023-05-15T08:45:11.289-05:00Comments on Jack Scott's Discussions on Male Sexuality: People Are FunnyJack Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08273576581155029176noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703298219148864437.post-42303719491243868152012-12-05T13:02:21.097-06:002012-12-05T13:02:21.097-06:00Jack - We could have a very long discussion about ...Jack - We could have a very long discussion about this! However, I believe we agree much more than we disagree.<br /><br />I have an upcoming post that will back up my claim that "the decision to be honest with your partner is overwhelmingly likely to have a good outcome." Since you don't particularly agree with that idea, your take will be very interesting.<br /><br />It's going to be a few weeks before I publish the post but I'm mentioning it now because it directly relates to what you've said above.<br /><br />Thanks, as always, for your thought-provoking posts.TwoLiveshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05801244463128618355noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703298219148864437.post-89563688056222483342012-11-29T12:06:25.894-06:002012-11-29T12:06:25.894-06:00(Part Two, See Part One Above)
In the case of the...(Part Two, See Part One Above)<br /><br />In the case of the three friends I mentioned above their wives needed them financially. I have always factored that into my perceptions concerning why they were willing to stay in the marriage.<br /><br />On the other hand, my wife does not need me financially. She is financially independent, yet she wanted to stay.<br /><br />It all certainly confirms that it is not a simple situation to assess and there are so many variables involved that each case is somewhat unique.<br /><br />In the end, I agree with your statement that "… when all the possible outcomes are considered, the risk of being MORE unhappy in the long-run because you've been honest is close to zero." But I agree for a different reason. Honesty is usually a good thing, but like anything else in life, there are at least two sides to honesty. It can be healing and restoring. But it can also be cutting and destructive. <br /><br />I think the risk to find some way to be true to one's self is worth the risk because resisting something with the driving force of one's sexuality precludes one from having a happy life.<br /><br />Heterosexual people put down non heterosexuals by saying the are degenerates and weak. They suggest if one is not straight they should just ignore their desires. They never ask themselves if they could ignore their own heterosexual desires should someone decide that all sexual desires are degenerate.<br /><br />I just think that there are degrees of risk and that there is more than one way to meet one's needs. Telling her is one. Doing what one has to do to be happy, doing it quietly and discreetly is another. I have done it both ways. Each was successful. Each had positive and negative side effects. Ultimately, even though being discreet was effective, I chose to tell.<br /><br />My main point is that every guy, for his own peace, should give a great deal of thought to the level of risk he can tolerate and act accordingly.<br /><br />Thanks for your comment Two Lives. I really appreciate such comments because they make me think harder.<br /><br />Jack Scott<br />Jack Scotthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08273576581155029176noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703298219148864437.post-85937612154630105902012-11-29T12:05:30.353-06:002012-11-29T12:05:30.353-06:00Two Lives, as always, you raise relevant questions...Two Lives, as always, you raise relevant questions. I confess I made no attempt to look up statistical data on change in risk averse behavior in Americans over the last 65 years, but in the 65 years that I have lived my own observation indicates that Americans have become much more risk averse.<br /><br />It seems to me that as we live longer and longer we become more and more intent on avoiding anything that could be risky. Not only do we often avoid risk to our health or our lives, but we seem to seek more and more to avoid risk to our financial portfolios and also risks to the status quo of our lives. <br /><br />Perhaps my observations have been skewed having spent my career in the medical field around so many different types of medical personnel. The general public has little idea that people in the medical professions are among the biggest risk takers in society. Perhaps the profession itself attracts, even demands, the Type A personality, the person who is willing to risk instantly on the chance to save a life. But this behavior is not limited to their professional lives. It carries over into their private lives as well. I have witnessed it first hand for many years.<br /><br />Then too, there is the possibility as a risk taker myself, I consciously and/or subconsciously surround myself with other risk takers in both my professional and private lives.<br /><br />As I mentioned in my blog, my best friend of over 30 years is absolutely averse to risk or change. He confounds the crap out of me to the point that sometimes I just want to grab him by the neck and shake some sense into him. Though we are the best of long term friends, I simply do not understand him.<br /><br />As for bisexual men in committed relationships with a woman, I understand that it is often perceived that one is better off "safe than sorry." I'm not sure I agree at all though that such a man's wife is "overwhelmingly" likely to have a good response to his coming out to her because she respects his honesty.<br /><br />In this situation, I am very much aware of the statistics. My wife, as a Psychotherapist, who deals mostly with marriage counseling deals with this issue frequently. The facts are that a man coming clean with his wife about a sexual interest in men usually sets the couple on the path to divorce. Two to three years post coming out, the majority of such marriages fail.<br /><br />That is not to say there are not exceptions. I have three personal friends who have come out to their wives in the last six years. In each of these cases the wife was more than willing to stay in the marriage. It was the male partners who decided they wanted out.<br /><br />Yet, I myself, am a perfect example of your contention that women can embrace their husband's bisexuality. My wife did just that! However, I've always asked myself if that would have happened had she not been well educated and a practicing Psychotherapist. If she were the average American wife would she have reacted in the same way?<br /><br />(See Part Two Below)Jack Scotthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08273576581155029176noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703298219148864437.post-32993678764711414002012-11-28T12:47:11.310-06:002012-11-28T12:47:11.310-06:00Jack - Are Americans really more risk adverse now ...Jack - Are Americans really more risk adverse now than they were 50 or 60 years ago? They're certainly more concerned about personal safety but that's not really the same thing.<br /><br />I think it's human nature to be risk adverse. 80% of the population feels more comfortable not taking chances while 20% believe risk can be handsomely rewarded.<br /><br />In the case of men who are attracted to men and who are in a committed relationship with a woman, conventional thinking is that it's better to be "safe than sorry" and keep your secret to yourself. But unlike so many other 'risky' decisions in life, the decision to be honest with your partner is overwhelmingly likely to have a good outcome. Women want honest partners. They'd MUCH rather have an honest marriage than a stable, deceitful one. And many women are willing to embrace their man's sexuality. True honesty pulls people together which means that disclosure has the very real potential to strengthen a relationship rather than destroy it. Really, when all the possible outcomes are considered, the risk of being MORE unhappy in the long-run because you've been honest is close to zero. But no one thinks that way. Instead we'd rather live in fear.<br /><br />Thanks for another terrific post!TwoLiveshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05801244463128618355noreply@blogger.com