tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27032982191488644372024-03-14T01:36:27.512-05:00Jack Scott's Discussions on Male Sexuality<b>Men helping men to build positive and constructive life philosophies concerning their sexuality …</b>Jack Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08273576581155029176noreply@blogger.comBlogger192125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703298219148864437.post-18555209462516151302015-02-27T14:27:00.001-06:002015-02-27T14:27:31.687-06:00Googles New Rules and Bisexual Buddies Picture Blog<span style="background-color: #ebedec; color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">By definition, one of the blogs at which Google is launching a direct hit is "Jack Scotts Bisexual Buddies Pictures." It is loaded with nothing but XXX pictures of hot guys.</span><br style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;" /><br style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;" /><span style="background-color: #ebedec; color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">Though the blog has been only an archive for several months due to my sickness, about 150 people a day still access the blog. Frankly, I am at a loss as what I should do about the picture blog, but something must be done before March 23, 2015. The easiest thing to do would be just to delete it. I could also let Google take it private, but I am hesitant to do that for two reasons:</span><br style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;" /><span style="background-color: #ebedec; color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"> 1. They might lump BisexualBuddies Blog in with the picture blog and make them both private.</span><br style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;" /><span style="background-color: #ebedec; color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"> 2. If the blog goes private everyone would have to ask permission to see it, and I just don't think that would work. Viewers would most likely drop to almost nothing.</span><br style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;" /><br style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;" /><span style="background-color: #ebedec; color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">If any of you have suggestions, I be glad to consider them. A private server would be great, but it would have to have sufficient bandwidth and an owner willing to lend space. I don't have such a server.</span><br style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;" /><br style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;" /><span style="background-color: #ebedec; color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">There are some really great pictures in the blog I have collected for years. I personally hate to loose them, but I see no other solution. I don't have the personal space to archive them. Even if someone else does I'm not sure they could all be downloaded to another personal archive by March 23rd. Again, if anyone knows how to bring such a personal archive about, let me know.</span><br style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;" /><br style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;" /><span style="background-color: #ebedec; color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">Again, as with the written blog, I'm sorry for the inconvenience, but Google has left all of us with few good choices.</span><br style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;" /><br style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;" /><span style="background-color: #ebedec; color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">Jack Scott</span>Jack Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08273576581155029176noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703298219148864437.post-52419886227561320532015-02-26T17:11:00.001-06:002015-02-27T14:24:53.595-06:00New Google Rules for BlogspotAs you may know as of March 23, 2015, Blogger is no longer going to allow XXX pictures on public blogs. Any blog with such pictures will be designated private and only those invited may read the blog.<br />
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Such a "private" designation is entirely outside the bounds I want for this blog. Therefore, I will be stripping all XXX pictures from the blog before the deadline. Pictures have always been secondary to the written content of the blog.<br />
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I hope this new look for the blog is not too upsetting for you. There is nothing I can do. My hands are tied.<br />
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Jack Scott<br />
<br />Jack Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08273576581155029176noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703298219148864437.post-28556923620189367112014-09-02T07:00:00.000-05:002014-09-02T07:00:06.212-05:00Goodbye to SummerI don't guess Summer is the favorite time of year for very many of us who live in southeast Texas. It's just too hot and muggy during summers here. By far Spring is my favorite time of year. Everything is being reborn and refreshed, the days are pleasantly warm and the nights are cool. I love the Spring.<br />
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For many years I became mildly seasonally depressed each Fall as the days grew shorter and leafs began to fall leaving the trees bare and bleak looking. That doesn't happen so much anymore because most of the trees here in the Houston area are either Live Oaks or Pines which stay green year around. I've come to appreciate the shorter days because life becomes a little bit less of a rush for those of us who are retired. We can't cram as much into short Fall and Winter days as we try to do in the seemingly endless days of summer.<br />
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Nevertheless, I enjoy summers, especially the couple few weeks leading to the end of summer. My <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Stunning Shot of Northern European Village</td></tr>
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wife and I have taken to traveling frequently in the latter days of August and in September when kids are back in school and their parents are back at work. It's an especially nice time to visit Europe. Everything is still open, the weather is mild and crowds are small or even non-existent. This year we took a few days to visit Northern Europe. It is a place I had wanted to visit since my childhood. I was not disappointed. It is a magnificent part of the world and I enjoyed it immensely. My only disappointment was that I have, with my cancer, become simply unable to hike the rugged areas as I once would have done.<br />
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I enjoy the people of northern Europe. They live their lives well. Like Switzerland, the countries of <br />
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northwestern Europe are sparkling clean. Everywhere one looks, the eye sees a picture post card. Rarely is anything out of place. Houses are well maintained and neat as they can be. Maybe there are some slum areas, but if there are, I've never seen them. European Socialism seems to have, in the decades since WWII, brought everyone firmly into the middle class, and there are, as well, those who are just as firmly in the upper 10% or 1%.<br />
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One thing I like a great deal about the northern Europeans is they take a more sensible approach to religion than do Americans. In some parts of northwestern Europe, almost 30% of the population are atheists, compared to only 10% in the United States. More importantly, of the 70% who remain believers, almost none worship in churches that are involved in anything even close to the fundamentalism that attracts more than 30% of all U.S. Christians. The lack of fundamentalism means that northwestern European cultures are significantly different than U.S. culture. They see religion beliefs as a personal thing not open to active proselytizing. Fundamentalist in the U.S. are extremely active in proselytizing and see it as their duty to save everyone who does not believe as they do from Hell by converting them not just to Christianity, but to fundamental Christianity. We should be so lucky here in the U.S.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Norwegian Stave Church</td></tr>
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Because religion is seen as a private thing in Europe, the way one leads his life, even his sexual life, is considered private as well. All the countries of northwestern Europe allow gay marriage and it is not allowed because high courts have demanded it. It is allowed because the majority of people support it. How different from what we have to put up with here in the U.S. where fundamentalists are not content to have their own beliefs but insist that everyone else share their beliefs as well.<br />
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We could certainly learn a thing or two from the Europeans. Of course, to be fair, I have to point out that not all is rosy there. In a conversation with one man, I told him within two weeks of being diagnosed with cancer I was undergoing treatment by an oncologists. He readily admitted such a thing rarely if every happened in the socialized medical systems in Europe.<br />
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In some northwestern European countries women who give birth are give one year off with their babies and retain their full pay. Such a thing is bound to be a boon to childhood development, but we'll never see it here in the U.S. And, of course, it must be pointed out that everything in northwestern Europe is expensive for Americans. Social benefits are not free. There is a definite cost, and high prices and even higher taxes are required to support the cradle to grave welfare systems.<br />
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I think America and Americans suffer from an all too often parochial outlook because they are too isolated from the rest of the world. We won't and we shouldn't adopt everything that is European, but it would be nice to consider where they seem to have made better decisions that we.<br />
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Jack ScottJack Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08273576581155029176noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703298219148864437.post-73972017969150732692014-08-01T07:00:00.000-05:002014-08-01T07:00:09.476-05:00The Art of LivingThe quote, "<b><i>If you are young and not liberal, then you have no heart, but if you are old and not conservative, then you have no brain,</i></b>" is most often attributed to Disraeli or to Churchill. It seems more Churchillian to me, but it really doesn't matter who said it as much as it matters what was said at this point in our history.<br />
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I usually try to stay away from politics in this blog, but the country is sharply divided between liberal and conservative citizens like no other time in modern history. Worse yet, the country is divided between radical liberals and radical conservatives as in no other time in our modern history. To me it is very easy to navigate the <b><i>radical</i></b> divide. Radicals are never deserving of our considering their ideas and ideals other than to guard against them. The reason is simple, radicals have stopped thinking, if indeed they every thought at all, they act only on emotion and self-interest. That is the root of the evil that is presently preying upon our country. So many citizens, including most of our elected officials have long since forgotten their duty to the public interest and the good of the country. There is not a single statesman left in the Congress. They all say and do whatever is necessary in their minds to get reelected and enrich themselves at the public expense.<br />
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<span class="gmw_"><span class="gmw_">The prime example of this kind of </span><span class="gmw_">beh</span></span><span class="gmw_">avior</span>, unfortunately, is at the very top of our government. That is not to say that he is acting any worse than other elected officials, he just happens to be at the top of the heap and thus more visible. He and the other 644 men and women who make up the three branches of our Federal government have long since forgotten the art of governing. In fact, they have tragically forgotten the art of living itself, and the country, indeed the world, is the worse for it. For much of our 218 year history, the United States has been a positive and respected bastion of leadership and selfless service to the world. Over and over again, we have spilled our own blood on foreign battlefields to save the world from tyranny and tyrants. Now, we have squandered that leadership and that respect in the name of partisan politics and self-interest.<br />
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All this can be turned around. Reagan was very successful in giving the United States a new sense of love of country and a new respect for the countries place in the world after the devastating Carter years. It could happen again, but I'm not optimistic. I see no one on the political stage that has Reagan's abilities to unite people and make them realize there is more to our common good than to our disagreements. More dismaying is that I see no one on the national scene that has Reagan's natural goodness of heart.<br />
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It is important to realize that the shape the country is in today did <i style="font-weight: bold;">not</i> have it genesis in politics. Its roots are unmistakably entwined in all of us. We are a people who have succumbed to the baser sides of prosperity, self-interest and emotionalism. In short, as a people, we have forgotten the art of living.<br />
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For those of us who are gay or bisexual, the art of living has always been a struggle. But now, life has become a struggle for almost every American. The middle class which has always been the backbone of the country has largely disappeared. Why? Because businesses have broken the social contract that allowed them to make money while allowing their workers to prosper too. Henry Ford made himself a millionaire by building and pricing his automobiles in such a manner that the men who built them could afford to drive them. The genius of his thinking is now forgotten. The business of business today is to make as much money as possible with absolutely no regard for the workers who actually make the money for their employers other than to push them harder and harder to make more.<br />
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Anything that makes money is fair game. Houston's Enron Corporation opened the flood gates on that way of doing business and the biggest and once respected members of the U.S. financial firms and the Barney Madoff's have followed their example in droves. Just find something to sell. If you have to make it up that's ok. Package it to look inviting and hawk it to the suckers all the time knowing it is worthless. No matter that millions of people loose their jobs and their homes so long as a profit is made by the crooks in suits, white shirts and ties. If you have any doubt of this at all, consider that while the financial sector makes up just 6% of employment in the U.S it now enjoys 30% of U.S. income. That tells the story.<br />
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It doesn't have to be this way. None of us is above some degree of greed or self interest. Certainly, no one is above disreputable behavior, but that doesn't mean that greed and disreputable behavior have to be the things at which we excel.<br />
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Last week, I came across an article in the August, 2014, Reader's Digest entitled "Art of Living. The title itself caught my interest and I began to read the excellent article by Mark Divine. The article is taken from Divine's book <u>The Way of the Seal.</u><br />
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Divine confides that after college he entered the world of accounting and consulting without much thought other than making a lot of money. As a talented young man he did indeed begin to make a great deal of money, but to his surprise he found that more and more often he found himself feeling unhappy and dissatisfied with the daily grind. It was not only the grind that was getting to him. He found himself feeling dirty about tactics his firm was using that were not precisely illegal, but were unethical. The tactics sometimes forced companies innocent of any wrong doing into bankruptcy and forced their workers out of their jobs. The realization horrified Divine.<br />
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For some time Divine had had a desire to quit his high paying job and become a public servant. A big<br />
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man in great shape with a real love of physical exercise and the outdoors, he knew exactly how he wanted to serve. He wanted to become a Navy Seal Officer. Soon the straw that broke the camel's back occurred in Divine's company. He resigned. A year later he graduated from Navy Seal training. Eighty cadets had started the training. Divine was one of 19 who graduated, and he was at the top of his class. He went on to serve honorably as a Seal, and after retiring from the Navy he started an entrepreneurial career which lead him to create several successful multi million dollar companies.<br />
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My son is career Navy. Though he was never a Navy Seal, he was a member of the Navy's Special Ops. I was very pleased to read Divine's description of some of the things he learned along his successful career in leadership. Several of them were the same conversations my son and I have had about leadership. For instance, Divine says that leadership is <i style="font-weight: bold;">not a skill.</i> Instead, leadership is <i style="font-weight: bold;">a character set - a core value of one's personality. </i>Successful, happy and fulfilled people, Divine says, have core values such as honor, courage and a true commitment to personal excellence that makes them natural leaders. It is a conversation my son and I have had many times. For my son, his own sense of honor, courage and commitment to personal excellence helped him to become one of the youngest Command Master Chief's in the U.S. Navy, and it has guided him through many a battle and many a tight squeeze. No one should ever get the idea that honor, courage and commitment to personal excellence is something that is always appreciated. It's not. When one rises above his peers, there is often jealousy and peek. When a young career military man still in his twenties begins to be singled out for praise from senior officers, junior officers are, more often than not, less than supportive.<br />
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Divine tells of a senior officer challenging him to succinctly state what he stood for. After several false starts, he told the officer, "Destiny favors the prepared in body, mind and spirit." Again it is a concept my son and I have talked about many times. When he first joined the Navy, I told him that if he was always willing to do more than was asked of him, he would have an exceptional career. Luckily, it was one of the times he truly listened to me and his personal commitment to always being prepared and willing to go the extra mile served him well from the very beginning of his career right into the second decade of his career.<br />
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Divine goes on to explain that after talking with the officer, he went on to expand what it meant to him to be prepared in body, mind and spirit. He wrote the following stand:<br />
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<li>Destiny will favor me if I am prepared in body, mind and spirit.</li>
<li>I must work harder than expected and be more patient than others.</li>
<li>Leadership is a privilege, not a right.</li>
<li>As a warrior, I will be the last to pick up the sword but will fight to protect myself, my family and my country. (This another conversation my son and I have had many many times. Nothing irks my son more than for someone to say or imply that military men and women love fighting. He tells people that as a young man who has seen the horrors of war often and first hand, he hates war and fighting, but he accepts the responsibility to protect his country and those he loves at any cost.)</li>
<li>I will find happiness by seeking truth, wisdom and love and not by chasing thrills, wealth, titles or fame.</li>
<li>I will seek to improve myself, my team and the world every day.</li>
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Divine, correctly states that few people these days take the time to think deeply about their personal ethos. He encourages the people he works with to take the following steps to correct this:</div>
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<li>Write out a personal list of the principles on which you stand.</li>
<li>Define personal values.</li>
<li>Identify personal passions.</li>
<li>Discover the purpose of your life.</li>
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I believe that every life has a purpose. Unfortunately, I also believe that the number of people who identify their life's purpose are much smaller than the number who do not. It's a tragedy. Knowing one's purpose in life can make the good times in one's life even more rewarding and it can smooth over the inevitable rough spots as well.</div>
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As a young boy, my parents always reminded me that God would use me - use me as a good example if he could, as a bad example if he must. We live in a time when bad examples surround us on all sides. Those who cheat, steal and use others are exalted in our popular culture. Even those who murder are often admired. How did we get to this point? I think Divine would say, it is because so few of us have any personal set of ethics. We just go with the flow.</div>
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I was raised by parents for whom ethical behavior was paramount. Breeches of ethical behavior on my part were always punished. Thus, ethics became an important part of my life as well. As a young bisexual man who wanted a traditional marriage and family and who seemed to need something beyond that as well, ethical behavior in that part of my life was always troublesome. As I've gotten older I find that I am glad to have been troubled. The troublesome nature of my life helped me to at least stay within personal boundaries of propriety and safety.</div>
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As a Christian, I've always struggled with the concept of hell. I have come not to believe in a geographically defined pit of burning unquenchable fire. However, I very much believe that hell does exist. It exist all around us and within us, and when hell does invade our minds and our spirits, its metaphorical fires can indeed be unquenchable.</div>
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The antidote to this metaphorical hell is the Art of Living. A life lived well is a beautiful thing and a<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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very satisfying thing. Unfortunately, we live in an era when parents dearest wish for their children is for them to live a life free of adversity. We would do well instead to teach our children to live an artful life. In an artful life children would grow into adults who could face any adversity and overcome it, if not in a physical sense, in a spiritual and mental sense. I have an incurable cancer. Barring a medical breakthrough, it will kill me. But I have overcome my cancer. I do not let it define me. I define myself and I choose to live a life in which I count my many blessings rather than to dwell on physical and social cancers that surround me. Such is the blessing of living an Artful Life.</div>
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None of us can control what adversities we encounter in life. What we can control is how we handle those adversities. Handling them in such a manner that they are temporary inconveniences and refusing to be defined by our adversities is the definition of Artful Living.</div>
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Jack Scott</div>
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<br />Jack Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08273576581155029176noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703298219148864437.post-67526623224258371292014-06-26T13:32:00.000-05:002014-06-26T13:32:15.752-05:00And Then There is TexasI've always been proud to be a Texan. Texas is a truly unique place in the world. That is not to say that there are not other unique places in the world. There are of course. That is why my wife and I spend so much time traveling around the world. But Texas is the unique place with which I am most familiar and the place I always return to from my travels.<br />
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<span class="gmw_">That said, more and more my pride in being a Texan is being shaken these days by the utter stupidity </span><br />
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of some of those who make<span class="gm_ gm_72e8c7a3-5acb-257e-693a-4679ee0537b5 gm-spell gm_tiny"> </span>news as political activists. Recently Texas had its State GOP Convention. Nothing wrong with that of course. Every state has one, but undoubtedly none of these other states conventions come up with as many stupid platform proposals as do the far right-wing Texans who represent the evangelical Christians and the Tea Party and dominate the Platform Committee.<br />
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In the recent GOP Convention in Texas the approximately 7000 member Platform Committee decided in <b><i>their total lack of wisdom</i></b><span class="gmw_"> that the GOP Platform should contain language supporting Reparative Therapy for gays to help them become straight. Seeing as how every respected psychiatric organization in the United States has declared Reparative Therapy to be roughly the equivalent of curative snake oil, it was an embarrassing moment for most Texas Republicans and for Texas. But that is part of the problem. The far right-wing Christians and the radical Tea Party members have no capacity whatsoever to be embarrassed over their own stupidity and ignorance. The are perfectly comfortable in their feelings that what they believe is<span class="gm_ gm_2eb2ebeb-4008-1a0d-fef8-19957558a4bf gm-spell gm_tiny"> </span>truth and that it is their duty to see that everyone else believes it too.</span><br />
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While other states are recognizing the reality of equal opportunity under the law for gays to marry their same-sex partners, too many Texans cling to the false notion that such marriages would be a direct and immediate danger to their own marital status.<br />
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<span class="gmw_">Fortunately, at the same time, an amazing number of Texas citizens do not subscribe to this foolishness. The other day a couple of my gay friends invited my wife and I to a party at their home. They have a large home in a part of Houston that is being <span class="gm_ gm_2b8e7cfc-b057-1cf1-9455-16d014b402a7 gm-spell">regentrified</span><span class="gmw_"> on the north side. This <span class="gm_ gm_392172e2-8858-62a9-44fa-4e1e2c8ea093 gm-spell">regentrification</span> is largely the product of gay couples who are moving into the area and fixing up homes that have been home to squatters for the last several years. The house my friends bought was totally covered in vines in the front. In the back, windows had been broken for squatters to enter and the house was a total wreck. Light fixtures, air conditioners and anything else with any value had been ripped out and carried away. In just less than a year, my friends turned it into a showplace again much to the liking of their straight neighbors.</span></span><br />
<span class="gmw_"><br /></span>
The neighbors have not only continued to be supportive but also quick to include my friends in the social activities of the neighborhood. At the party there were lesbian couples, gay couples and straight couples. It was not a gay party. It was a neighborhood party and everyone had a great deal of fun. The party started at 5:00 p.m. and the invitation said it would continue until the last guest departed. That turned out to be a little after 2:00 a.m.<br />
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The point is that most of Texas' population is located in its three large metropolitan areas and these <br />
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people are doing a great job of learning how to judge people, not by their sexual orientation or the color of their skin, but rather by their character. It is a wonderful thing. It's not such a wonderful thing that the chief purveyors of hate and discrimination these days is found in our politics and in our evangelical churches. Oh sure, the claim to love the sinner but hate the sin thinking that lets them off the hook. It never occurs to them that homosexuality might not always be a sin.<br />
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<span class="gmw_">Yesterday a circuit court in Denver ruled that every state must allow same-sex marriage under the equal protection provisions of the Constitution of the United States of America. This sets in motion the process that will end with a review by the U.S. Supreme Court. No one can predict what the sharply divided court will do in this case<span class="gm_ gm_d8ad71ad-ef76-2182-acf4-e20f2dced8a5 gm-spell">; but</span> if I was betting, I know where I'd place my bet.</span><br />
<span class="gmw_"><br /></span>
We live in interesting times. There is much wrong with our world. Hatred looms in too many areas of the world fed all to0 often by religious zealots who use religion to support their own hate and prejudice.<br />
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<span class="gmw_">I'm proud to be an American and a Texan, for although we're far from perfect, we remain the best hope of the world and things generally are getting better all the time in our part of the world. Hopefully<span class="gm_ gm_4ac59d8a-6c87-ba64-b3ad-64036cc2da09 gm-spell gm_tiny"> </span>our politicians and our religious leaders will come to recognize that they are out of touch with the citizens they represent. We'll never get rid of political institutions, but if religious institutions don't soon come to grips with changing realities, they'll soon find themselves having to close their doors for lack of money and congregations to keep them open.</span><br />
<span class="gmw_"><br /></span>
Jack ScottJack Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08273576581155029176noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703298219148864437.post-23861781428998364812014-06-15T08:00:00.000-05:002014-06-15T08:00:03.764-05:00What I've Learned Along the Way - Part TwoAs I said in the first part of this post back in December, "Gay men have won their battle to be accepted into the culture. That is not to say there is no work left to be done, there certainly is, but they won the war."<br />
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I went on to say that the same is not true for bisexual men. They have a very long way to go. There<br />
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A caller said: "bisexual men just don't know what they want." And, he is right. Even a casual look around the bisexual scene will confirm this. To be fair, let's start with what the caller considers should be the definition of a bisexual man. He is a man who knows from experience that he can perform with both men and women and be satisfied performing with both. Gender has little to nothing to do with those he sees as possible life partners.<br />
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A personal friend of mine agrees fully, married for 24 years, his marriage existed on paper, and it produced children, but besides the children, nothing good ever came of the marriage. It was just a 24 year long fight which ended in divorce. After the breakup my friend found his life partner, another male. He said, he loved Charles greatly, but if Charles had been Charlene, he would have loved her just as much.<br />
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My friend and the caller agree that to a bisexual man, gender has little or nothing to do with whom they form a long term partnership. When you think about it, this is really a pretty nice thing. The problem though is not many bisexual men subscribe to this way of thinking, or don't subscribe to it soon enough to prevent a lot of pain for themselves and others.<br />
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The second, and perhaps the most common confusion that "bisexual" men create for themselves, and<br />
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everyone they interact with, are those men who call themselves bisexual simply because they are married to a woman, but enjoy sex with a man. There are two subsets for this kind of man:<br />
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<ol>
<li>the man who really loves his wife, but also loves sex with another man, or other men.</li>
<li>the man who does not love his wife, but stays married for convenience while he has sex with other men.</li>
</ol>
There are millions of men in the category. Most of them are in the 40 and above age bracket. They are the ones who cause people to say that bisexual men are self-centered. All too often, they are right. I'm not casting stones at these men, I'm one of them. If there is any difference in me it is that I was so bothered by the experience that I began to do a lot of critical thinking about what should be done about it.<br />
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The third way bisexual men stir up trouble for themselves is the clash between the bisexuals who want a monogamous relationship and those who want to use their bisexuality as a license to party hearty, or even engage in regular sexual orgies. Some of these guys say they practice safe sex, but the reality is there is really no way to practice safe sex in a sexual orgy scene. For those who are married, their wives were at that orgy too even though were not physically there.<br />
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All of the things that lead to confused thinking about bisexuals, both inside and outside the bisexual ranks, have flaws that do not serve the bisexual man well, and give way to just cause for criticism to those outside the bisexual community.<br />
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There is a fourth reason men turn to active bisexuality that has some reasonability about it. In the case of a man whose wife becomes incapacitated, but he is not ready to become celibate. Sex with another man is less binding. Rarely does one man try to sue the other man. Usually, there are no expectations of marriage between two men in such a situation. Of course, this still leaves the other man in such a relationship? That must be a consideration too.<br />
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About four years ago a young man contacted me and asked if I would meet with him. We arranged a meeting. At the meeting, I met a very attractive young single man who was so uptight it was beginning to affect every part of his life. At this first meeting and many to follow he only wanted to talk generally and avoid telling me anything that might identify his real name to me. I respected that.<br />
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After a while, he began to open up and tell me what concerned him. It boiled down to his feeling he was homosexual. Since he was not married, it didn't seem to be too big a deal to me, but there was a catch: he didn't want to be gay. The thought of being gay was driving him nuts.<br />
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He's a very athletic guy (not that athletic guys can't be gay). But just a casual meeting with him would never cause one to walk away thinking: "What a nice gay guy." I told him that. I think it helped, but<br />
not much. He continued to be consumed with this "what if" question.<br />
<br />
I told him I thought I could help him find out if he was gay, bisexual or straight, but he had to promise to answer all my questions honestly and completely. He agreed. One of the first questions I asked of him was why he thought he might be gay. He said that he loved to look at pictures of good looking men, and he noticed good looking men he might see in public.<br />
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I told him I like art of all kinds. I've spent all day in the National Art Museum of several countries. It doesn't mean I ever expect to own something that would be in there. I told him also, I like to look at good looking men. Doesn't mean I want to have sex with any of them.<br />
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He had previously told me when he was a kid, he was small and had been pushed around by other guys. That had caused him to become a gym rat, so such abuse would not happen. He accomplished his goal. I told him he knows how much work goes into building a body that people would notice. That could be part of his attraction to good looking well built men - an appreciation of the work they have done to sculpt their bodies.<br />
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I asked him if he had had sex in college. He said he had a lot of sex in college. I asked if that was with men or women, or both. He said it was always with women. He had never been with a man.<br />
I asked if he enjoyed straight sex. He said that he enjoyed it very much.<br />
<br />
We continued to talk for weeks. Our custom was to get something to eat and then just drive around in the car. He still had not told me his real name. One day a strategy came to mind. I was driving and just headed west. We came to one of Houston's many gated neighborhoods. I avoided the guard and approached the gate through the resident's lane. It opened immediately as it would for any resident. All residents have to have an electronic sticker on the windshield to trip the gate. I drove to my house and pointed it out to him and giving him the address. My thought was that now that he knew where I lived, he would soon tell me his address. A few days latter he did. This was important because it showed trust on both sides, and would encourage him to talk openly about his life.<br />
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A lot of water has flowed under the bridge between this young man and me in the last four years. He's one of the most impressive men I have ever met. We've become great friends though we are separated by almost 35 years in age. I give him free access to the store of wisdom I've accumulated during seven decades on this earth. He gives me a measure of confidence that when I'm dead and gone, the world will still be in good hands because of guys like him.<br />
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He's married now to an exceptionally beautiful and gentle woman. It seems to me that they could me my wife and I starting over again. Together, they are going to go to places they never dreamed of just as my wife and I have done. "What about his sexuality?" you ask. He's come to realize he is not gay. He's bisexual. We talk a lot about his bisexuality and mine and what he must learn if his life is to be as satisfying and successful as he hopes it to be. What I tell him is something that I would have once thought ridiculous, but now I think it is the real answer for every bisexual guy for whom morality is important.<br />
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As those of you who have read much of my writing know, I am a Christian. As a Christian, the moral complications of bisexuality have <b><i>always</i> </b>been a grave concern for me. <i style="font-weight: bold;">How could I be both bisexual and a Christian?</i> There are actually several parts to the answer of that question, that I came to understand well in my personal struggle. But the one thing that always continued to nag me was the fact that I was cheating on my wife who trusted me not to do such a thing.<br />
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The problem, of course, is that morality is <i style="font-weight: bold;">not</i> important at all for a staggering number of men all around the world. In India, gangs of men are roaming the streets looking for young women whom they can rape and murder. It is a national past time. The same is becoming true in Egypt. Sexual assault against women is open and rampant. After all, boys will be boys!<br />
<br />
<span class="gmw_">Throughout the middle east and spreading quickly to other countries around the world women are the property of their husbands. They have no rights other than those he decides they can have. They are kept hidden away behind the dark burqa or the black abaya and niqãb depending on what part of the Muslim world the reside in.</span><br />
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Houston is one of the most cosmopolitan cities in the United States. Still it did not stop a Muslim father from killing his own daughter recently because by marrying an infidel (a U.S. Citizen who was not Muslim) she had brought dishonor to the family! How anyone much less any group of human beings could have arrived at the point of seeing such a thing as an honorable act is simply beyond my understanding. I know very well that most American Muslims would never do such a thing, but why would any Muslim who would even want to come to the United States?<br />
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So, we are all still immersed up to our necks in the human condition. Some of us get it. Some of us never will.<br />
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I've always been proud to be a Texan. "Texas", as we say, "is a whole nother country." And it's true. Texas is a state of mind found nowhere else in the world. It's a can do spirit mellowed with a readiness to help a neighbor in a time of need. It's a feeling that "I worked hard for mine, and you should damn well work hard for yours."<br />
<br />
No matter what one may think of this Texas Spirit, reality tells the real tale. If Texas was still an independent nation, it would be the 14th largest economy of all the countries of the world. Is it any wonder that Texans worry that the millions of immigrants pouring into Texas may bring with them the old ideas, old feelings and old politics that served to keep them poor and subdued in their old home states or counties.<br />
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Don't get me wrong, even Texas has its share of assholes. I even know a few of them personally. They are guys that only care about looking out for number one, and they don't care whom they crush to stay on top. As an example, 7000 delegates to the recent Texas State GOP Convention overwhelmingly voted to endorse Repairative Therapy for gay men. They might as well have voted to cut off their dicks and their balls. It would be the same type of thinking. The American Psychiatric Association has not endorsed Repairative Therapy in years and no reputable therapist has used it for an even longer period. Who are these 7000 ignorant assholes. Well, for the most part they are members of the radical Christian Right Wing who actually know nothing about Christianity and don't want to know anything about science. Their idea of God is an all powerful being who just happens to hate homosexuals just as they do. But I digress (as I often do).<br />
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The world will always have those who choose to not bind themselves by morality. The rest of us simply have to carry on as best we can. Oh, don't get the idea that I'm saying one has to be a Christian to be moral. These days, some of the most immoral people I know call themselves Christians. As a young child, a Sunday School Teacher once told us that only Christians could be moral. Even as a young kid, I thought he was some kind of troglodyte.<br />
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So, the immoral, like the poor, will always be with us. How do we as bisexuals keep our membership in the moral humans club in good standing? To begin with, we don't allow our problems to become problems for those we love.<br />
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A young man I know recently came home to his wife and infant son and told her he didn't want to be married anymore. He didn't want the hassle and he didn't want the responsibility! More than likely to his great surprise, she said, "OK".<br />
<br />
All of this is actually connected, I promise.<br />
<br />
Recently, national news sources reported that for the first time in our history as a nation, female college students and female college grads outnumber males. What the shit is going on in this country?<br />
<br />
According to a recent report by the Pew Research Center, 36% of young people ages 18 to 30 are still living with their parents. Forty percent of these are young men while only 32% are young women. Again the question, "What the shit is going on in this country?"<br />
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I think the fact is that more and more men are simply choosing to become Peter Pans. They prefer to remain boys rather than grow into men with with responsibilities! To be sure, a huge number of these young men had help in becoming irresponsibile idiots. They had the help of their mothers who gave birth to them as a single parent with no responsible man in her life. On top of that they had help from their baby daddies who didn't give a damn about them and never even tried to help raise them into men. In my younger, more liberal days, I use to rail against the idea that a child needed both a committed and involved mother and the same type of father. I was wrong. A mother's job is to love her children unconditionally and express that love to them often. A father's job is to kick their asses and assure them the world doesn't give a damn about them. To succeed in this world takes never ending amounts of judgment, brains and courage.<br />
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I never was a hippy, but I was part of that generation. The hippy culture has never gone away. It just got older. The kids that smoked dope and dropped out are now the old farts who are still smoking. Many of these guys were either physically or emotionally absent from their sons in their formative years. It shows.<br />
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If there is any good news, and I believce there is, it is that many young people have seen enough of the kind of parents they were raised by. They are determined to be a different kind of parent to their own kids. Kids these days don't want anything to do with organized religion. They see it as an hypocracy, and they are dead right in too many cases.<br />
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The good thing is that doesn't mean they don't have morals. They do have them and they really intend to live by them. They just might end up being the salvation of this country and the American way of life.<br />
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My wife and I were actually surprised at our recent 50th class anniversary how many couples had stayed together over the almost 50 years. We all married young, but we were all brought up in conservative rural Texas. Those moderate conservative values have seen us through a lot of tough times.<br />
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Ok, Ok, I know your screaming at this point. How does all this relate to a new moral philosaphy for bisexual men. Well, actually it's pretty simple. Moral heterosexual men have always had to make a choice in their adult lives. Just because they married, often young in decades past, did not mean they went blind. They still reacted viscerally to the sight of a pretty woman, but they made the choice to enjoy the scenery without trying to possess it.<br />
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I think the time has come that bisexual men must take the same stand. Fifty years ago it would have <br />
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been much more difficult, but today it can actually be pretty easy. Young people are marrying at a much later age now than in decades past. They date much longer. They are exposed to a huge number of people. Homosexuality is a won battle. Not many people these days care who one is sleeping with, male or female.<br />
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I think a young male who thinks he might be gay or bisexual has a moral obligation to find out before he commits himself to another person in his life. I've never believed that sex should be something between two married adults. Sex is much too important in a relationship to leave to chance. Responsible mutual exploration, to me, is a must whether it be between two males or a male and a female.<br />
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Only when one decides, "I may be bisexual, but traditional marriage is what I want for my lifetime," or conversely, decides, "I'm bisexual and I can relate well to either sex, but a commitment to another male is what I want for my lifetime, should he submit to a long term relationship.<br />
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Like moral heterosexuals for generations, he won't be giving up his appreciation of his brand of sex. He'll just tried it all and arrived at what meets his needs the best.<br />
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Over the years, I had same sex relations with a bunch of guys. It eventually dawned on me that never once had I found a guy who rivaled the woman I had at home in any way. She out classed them all. I'm a bisexual man, but I know without a doubt that my wife was the life mate for me.<br />
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Jack Scott<br />
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<br />Jack Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08273576581155029176noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703298219148864437.post-48034508760254590022014-06-07T16:41:00.001-05:002014-06-07T16:41:39.002-05:00A Note from Jack Scott<span style="color: blue;"><b>My life continues to be one foot on firm ground and one on an ice flow. The good news is that I am feeling better and better. I am able to read again and think again, so that has been good for me. Best of all, I'm walking again and that is really great.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>The only thing is I have just not had the inspiration or the wit to finish Part II of What I've Learned Along the Way, but I think I'm getting close.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>I am pleased to see that even though I've not been able to post any blog pieces for quite some time about 10,000 readers a month are looking at the older articles. I appreciate that very much.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Hope to get back soon.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Jack Scott</b></span>Jack Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08273576581155029176noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703298219148864437.post-26307327258112360672014-03-05T16:51:00.000-06:002014-03-05T16:51:49.199-06:00Progress Note<b><span style="color: blue;">I promised some friends who contributed to Part Two: "What I've Learned Along The Way" I'd have it out last week. I just couldn't make it happen. Today, I was convinced I could, but there were problems with my Google ID and problems with my password. It took all afternoon to get those straightened out.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: blue;">However, the time is drawing near when the article will be finished. Keep in mind my good days are limited, and I never know when I wake up in the morning if the day is going to be good or bad. Please spread the word to your friends that the blog will be reactivated soon.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: blue;">I have intentionally made the blog challenging because that is where I think the truth is to be found in challenges to the old thoughts, ideas and ways. I hope no one who reads it will fill intimidated to support it or say it's trash. I want to hear what you think.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: blue;">Best wishes.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: blue;">Jack Scott</span></b>Jack Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08273576581155029176noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703298219148864437.post-66634146791659988822014-02-04T08:00:00.000-06:002014-02-04T08:00:09.500-06:00The Day I've Been DreadingI've known for sometime now this day was on its way. Now, it has arrived, even quick than I imagined it would. The day has come to say goodbye to the picture blog. Since we got home at the end of August, my life has been a zoo. I 've had to rely on my wife for more and more of my daily needs. I don't like that, but it is true.<br />
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Add to that , because of my surgery in November, I have lost my ability to type. I had hoped I would recover that, but I haven't. If I didn't hadn't watched every word as I typed it, you would have been unable to make any since of what I just typed<br />
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When I am speaking, it is even worse. I have to have words that will fill in for the words I can't remember. I've never had trouble using words. If it doesn't clear up Bisexual Buddies Yahoo and Bisexual Buddies blog spot will have to go too.<br />
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It has been an absolute privilege serving you over the past few years. Thank you for all your kindnesses. I hope you'll continue reading and participating in the other too groups. There is no schedule for them, and it makes it easier for me.<br />
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I am happy to report that today is the first good day I've had in well over a month. Unless you ever had metastatic cancer you can imagine what it does to you brain.<br />
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I still owe you the second part of "What I've Learned Along the way. I'm just taking a little more time to let the cobwebs clear out.<br />
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I must say an enormous thank you to George Starzz for all the year he has helped my giving thousands of pictures to draw from. I couldn't have done it without you George.<br />
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Jack ScottJack Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08273576581155029176noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703298219148864437.post-91217636873972425082014-01-09T08:00:00.000-06:002014-01-09T08:00:04.453-06:00A Comment on "What I've Learned Along the Way"A follower of this blog who writes me on a regular basis sent me a long comment on my blog piece, "What I've Learned Along the Way." He was afraid it was too long to publish in the comment section. I told him I would post it for him.<br />
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His story fits well in the context of "What I've Learned Along the Way." He has had, as many of us do, some very difficult decisions to make in his life. He has tried his best to make those decisions based on what is best for him and his family. The results have not been entirely satisfying to him, but neither have they been altogether bad. Many of you will most likely recognize yourselves in his comment.<br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Hey Jack,</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I just read your latest blog post. Interesting to me, because I fall into the category of folks you described, the ones who choose to stay married and monogamous.</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Lately, I have been very frustrated on many fronts. My life just didn't seem to work out like I wanted. </span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My marriage is mediocre. Our sex life has dwindled to nothing (literally, have not had sex since January [last year], and last year was a nearly no-sex year too). </span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My career is mediocre. I got a decent education, with a couple of degrees. I have fumbled in the work world. I make a decent living, over the six figure mark. But, I have never really felt connected to my work in a way that is satisfying.</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Family life is hard. I am thankful to have kids. I think I am a mediocre parent. I wish for something better for my kids than I seem to be able to provide for them.</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="gmw_"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am bisexual. I was in some sort of denial about that for many years, even though it was as plain as day to me from an early age that when I watched porn it was the hard dicks that got me hard. I never tried same-sex sex, and always assumed I never would. But, the same-sex arousal caused me incredible shame<span class="gm_ gm_954a0b4b-c21f-e226-c0ed-e4504c4ae484 gm-spell gm_tiny"> </span>and I know it had a serious impact on my life overall. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But, the truth is, I can't blame my life circumstances on my sexuality. I have struggled with depression. I can be pessimistic. This challenge runs in my family. This is yet another burden I must bare. </span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was raised by a bipolar dad who was emotionally distant and at times emotionally abusive. It left me scarred and self loathing.</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am quite introverted. That has been yet another burden. </span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="gmw_"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="gmw_">I've done counseling, prayer, introspection. Somewhere along the way, I finally started sharing the whole truth about myself, including the sexuality issues. That was a necessary step, for me. I had to come to grips with the fact that I am not completely straight. It's hard to put a number to it, on the Kinsey scale, because I never tried same-sex sex. But, I am confident I could enjoy it. Maybe I'm a 2, because I've never bothered to try it. Maybe I'm a 4, because, damn, those porn images are hot. In the end, it doesn't really matter. I dig gay porn</span><span class="gmw_"><span class="gm_ gm_501bfc80-d8c2-5cb3-3f9e-335e2df9fb3f gm-spell gm_tiny"> </span></span><span class="gmw_">and it provides a useful release for me. But, I like straight sex, and if I had a more engaged partner, I'd enjoy having a lot more of it. As I have shared with you previously, coming to grips with who I really am sexually was helpful for me. It was life changing, in that I was able to release the longstanding shame.</span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But, because the sexuality issue is not my only struggle, coming to grips didn't solve all my problems. I'm still a work in progress. I don't know that I'll ever be "happy" in the sense of being free from the trials of my life. But, I am happier. And, I am more at ease. And, I know better who I am. Or, rather, I can accept it better. So, I am thankful.</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Your blog has been helpful to me, as have your emails. I enjoy reading what you write. And, I enjoy writing you about my thoughts on what you write.</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I don't have a big network of people I can be the "real" me with, but I have a few people now, online friends with whom I can be fully honest with. Only one is someone I would call a real friend in the truest sense. But, I would consider you a "friend" in the sense that I have felt a degree of useful support.</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I appreciate you sharing my version of bisexuality on your blog. I wonder how many people like me are out there. I think we tend to live quietly, in the closet. But, I assume (now) that I can't be the only one. I think part of my struggle to accept myself was that I felt I could not be me if I was gay or bisexual. To me, for years, accepting that I was gay or bisexual would have meant I should be acting gay or bisexual in the real world, not just in my head. But, having gay sex, especially as a married man with a family, just simply never felt like an option I could or would consider. I think that would have shattered my world too much for me to recover. So, I hid from the whole thing, feeling I had no other options.</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When I went into the discovery mode, it was not really by some active choice. I hit the lowest period of my life, and I was suffering from crushing depression and anxiety. I felt that I had to deal with the sexuality issues. I suppose I felt prompted by God to finally deal with it. That pressure to face it started three years ago. I was absolutely terrified. I didn't know what facing it would mean. But, even if my world turned upside down, I had no choice, because I was suffocating and seemingly dying the way things were.</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Now, I am past that crushing, terrifying, ominous sense of doom. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I'm finally able to see and accept who I am, and I know that gay is a word that applies to me to some extent, even if I can't put a percentage to it. But, tangibly, in my daily life, things have not really changed. And, for me, I think that is the right choice. It's not because I have a great marriage or a great sex life that I can't give up. It's because I have a family and a sense of duty and responsibility and loyalty and honor to the people that I live with. Honestly, I could think of plenty of reasons why living single would be easier, and sexuality is probably lower on the list than you'd think. But, i</span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">f I left my family, I know I would not be happy with myself, and I would not be doing what I believe to be the right thing, in my life.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; letter-spacing: 0px;">So, I am making the right choice, for me, at this time. That seems clear to me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A Reader</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Every decision we make, and even the decisions we do not make affects our lives for better or worse. This reader has tried to make the best choices he can for himself and those he loves. Sometimes that is all one can do, and sometimes it is the right thing to do.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sometimes, even though we feel like we're not satisfied, we are where we are supposed to be. For instance, I'm always talking about how blessed I am, and how happy I am. That does not mean everything is just as I want it to be. I rather not have my cancer to deal with. I'd like to be a billionaire. But I'll never be a billionaire, and my cancer will kill me at some point. I basically have the choice to cry and complain about these problems or choose to ignore my wishes and appreciate the good things I do have in my life. Sometimes we cannot control what problems we encounter in life, but we can always control how we react to them.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I appreciate those of you who have commented on "What I've Learned Along the Way." One reader noted that he enjoyed the blog although he didn't agree with all that I had written. He is right on target. If I write about scientific fact such as, the sun rises in the east every morning, no one who is sane can refute that. But I rarely write about scientific facts. I usually write about social and cultural controversies, and my opinion concerning them. Wheather its my opinion or anyone else's opinion, there is always room for disagreement. I'd like to hear from those of you who have not commented on the blog yet. Part Two will be posted soon.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Hope all of you have been able to survive the record cold across the U.S. in the past few days.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jack Scott</span></div>
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Jack Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08273576581155029176noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703298219148864437.post-80405320248347548122014-01-02T17:23:00.001-06:002014-01-02T17:23:20.782-06:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b style="color: blue;">It seems impossible to me that we have entered 2014. The years pass so quickly. Not only that, every year is shorter than the last. It makes me very aware of how important it is that we live each day well.</b></div>
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<span style="color: blue;"><b>Some of you, I'm sure, remember that I promised the Hot Guys of January, 2014 would be published on January 1st. I underestimated the disruptive realities of my recovery, the number of kids and grandkids in the house for the holidays and a few other unforeseen disruptions.</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;"><b>My plan now is to have the January blog published by 8:00 a.m. Central Time on January 6th.</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;"><b>Thanks for your patience.</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;"><b>I hope each of you has a great 2014.</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;"><b>Jack Scott </b></span></div>
Jack Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08273576581155029176noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703298219148864437.post-47746093716657551442013-12-20T09:42:00.000-06:002013-12-20T09:42:00.444-06:00What I've Learned Along the Way - An Interim Observation<div style="text-align: justify;">
Thanks to all of you who have already commented on "What I've Learned Along the Way," Part One. I hope you will continue to comment and that those of you who haven't will do so. This is a subject in which no one's opinion is set in stone. Even the so called experts disagree vehemently. But in my mind those of us who have lived gay or bisexual lives are more likely to grasp bits and pieces of the truth than are the experts.</div>
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Those of us who can take the bits and pieces of truth we possess and apply them thoughtfully and realistically to the homosexual and bisexual communities at large can shed a great deal of light on the overall cultural characteristics of the still evolving homosexual and bisexual communities. And because we are all a part of these evolving communities in one way or the other, each of us has an obligation to share our thoughts and feelings.</div>
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Anyone who has read my blog for anytime at all knows I believe in destiny. I believe life has a purpose for all of us, and I believe to the extent we are on track to fulfill our purpose in life and our destiny to be a prime contributor to our overall sense of self-worth and happiness.</div>
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I gave up on believing in coincidence long ago. It was not something I chose to do. It became</div>
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something I was compelled to do, for if coincidence is real, my life has been an almost never ending string of fortuitous coincidences. That is just not possible. It would be the same as going to Vegas and winning every hand one played for years. It's not possible.<br />
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Behind everything we might want to see as coincidence, there has to be a guiding power. Otherwise, my life has defied impossible odds. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not some male version of Mother Theresa. I'm no saint! I've had my share of adversities, wrong turns and doubts. But, along the way, I've had way more than my share of instances of seeming coincidence that simply had to be much more than mere serendipity.</div>
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Such a thing has taken place in just the last month. I made up my mind to write this article 6 to 8 weeks ago. My illness and subsequent confinement to an Intensive Care Unit gave me a great deal of time to think about the self-assigned task. I didn't tell anyone about it. I just thought about it. But the most amazing things began to happen. An old friend whom I had not heard from in a long while phoned me he other day. And what did he want to talk about? He wanted to talk about this article. He didn't even know I was writing about it, but he was facing issues in his own life that was leading him to some of the same conclusions I was planning to address in this article. It would have been unnerving had such a thing not long ago become ordinary in my life.</div>
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In addition to that call, my young friend here in Houston who had inspired this article over the last three years of our relationship, suddenly wanted to talk about the issue in detail as he was experiencing it in his own life. There were, out of the blue, several other seemingly coincidental incidents which contributed to this article. Every where I turned, I was finding thoughtful pieces of information that were valuable to the task at hand. Such an unrequested outpouring at just the right time cannot be mere coincidence or providence. There has to be a power of some kind behind it, especially when I consider that it happens over and over in my life.</div>
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The only down side of all this is that I have much more to consider now than I had planned. That along with my transition to a new therapy for my cancer will delay the planned publication date for the second part of this article for a few more days. During the wait, I hope many of you ( by many, I mean at least 100 of you <seriously>) will take the time to read or reread Part One and comment on it. It would make my day. I've never received 100 comments on any post.</seriously></div>
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Hang in there. Thanks for following my blog. I appreciate you all. Please tell your friends who like thought provoking reading about my blog.</div>
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Jack Scott</div>
Jack Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08273576581155029176noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703298219148864437.post-68766857655035893322013-12-10T08:00:00.000-06:002013-12-10T08:00:07.438-06:00What I've Learned Along the Way<div style="text-align: justify;">
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<span class="gmw_"><span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Prologue</b></span></span></div>
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<span class="gmw_"><span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Just before I got sick, I had finished the first part of this two part article. But before I published it, I wanted a good friend whom I trust implicitly for his intelligence, his thirst for knowledge and his ability to introspectively deal with his own bisexuality.</b></span></span></div>
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<span class="gmw_"><span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>This article is meant to be challenging. I have written it with the hope that it will hit many readers hard enough to cause them to take an introspective and honest look into their own lives as a whole and their sexuality as a part of the whole.</b></span></span></div>
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<span class="gmw_"><span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>In writing the article, please trust that I am mindful that each of us is different. Our sexuality is influenced by our personalities, our faith, our families and much more. Even identical twins do not always share the same identical sexuality.</b></span></span><br />
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<span class="gmw_"><span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>In a very real sense, there is no right or wrong way to live ones homosexual or bisexual life so long as one is happy with it and not using or abusing others. That said, there are ways to live it that are likely to be more fulfilling than others. Some guys just never take the time to figure themselves out. Some, including one of my best friends, are just too undisciplined to carry out their own plans and desires for happiness. They are always willing to settle for a lifestyle they neither need or want.</b></span></span><br />
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<span class="gmw_"><span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>i'd like very much to hear some of your comments about this blog. I know some of you will hate it. That's ok. I know many of you will like what you read as well. I challenge you to put what you've read into action.</b></span></span><br />
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<span class="gmw_"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><span class="gmw_">What I've <span class="gm_ gm_156bdf05-0c38-0124-374b-a056e5654721 gm-spell">Leared</span> Along the Way</span></b></span></span></div>
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<span class="gmw_"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's almost impossible for me to believe, but next May, I'll have been posting this blog for seven years. During that seven years, I've posted 181 blog articles, read over 800 comments (not nearly as many as I'd like) from some of the 400,000 page readers and hosted 400 to 500 readers each day. I would never believed it possible when I posted my first blog piece on May 7, 2007.</span></span></div>
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<span class="gmw_"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Through this blog, it has been my privilege to interact with a great number of men, and help some of them to come to a better understanding of themselves and sometimes to help those who love them to understand them better as well. For some, the solution to their problem was to seek a divorce and begin a new life as a gay or bisexual man. For others, who, for what ever reason, did not consider divorce a possibility, solving their problems was usually much harder. For these men, solutions often revolve around mental and emotional adjustments rather than making a new start.</span></span></div>
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<span class="gmw_"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="gmw_"><span class="gmw_"><span class="gmw_"><span class="gmw_">Helping people to better understand and accept their sexuality was the prime reason I began this blog. One of my greatest pleasures these days </span><span class="gmw_"><span class="gm_ gm_f787908c-19d1-5df5-00ce-464374895bb5 gm-spell">is</span></span><span class="gmw_"> to see the results of the combined efforts of me and another guy who is really willing to find peace of mind. It is truly an awesome thing when his efforts transform him into a new person prepared to live his life to the fullest as a bisexual or homosexual man in a way that works for him.</span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="gmw_"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But this blog piece is not about me trying to help others. Instead, it is about how others have</span></span><br />
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<span class="gmw_"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> helped me to fill in the gaps in my own understanding of my life as a bisexual man. It is also about what I have learned about bisexuality and homosexuality from those who are collectively closest to such a lifestyle. It has been a most interesting, informative and rewarding journey.</span></span></div>
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<span class="gmw_"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In a way, I think bisexuality is the new homosexuality. I don't mean that to be an offensive statement to homosexual men. It is, in fact, a compliment.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Gay men have fought the good fight. They have faced their antagonists and looked them in the eye without stepping back. They have persevered through decades of battles. They have, at last, for all intents, won the war. All that is left now is the mop up. That will take a while, but that's alright because the mop up will contribute to the new order that has begun. There will be time for thoughtful consideration about how the new order is to be structured. There will be time for consideration of new laws, based <b><i>not</i></b> on politics or religion, but on the best interests of America and all its citizens, both gay and straight.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">That is a good thing. Progress is already taking place at an unbelievable pace. As the older generation begins their exit from the halls of leadership making way for a new generation of leaders more open mindedly dedicated to equal treatment and equal opportunity for all, regardless of their sexual orientation or religious beliefs, the final chapter in the battle for gay rights will be written and gays will become nothing more than Americans, workers, congressmen, teachers, preachers, and fathers. They will become just one of the many groups of Americans that are known collectively as the common man. That is a wonderful thing, a goal long sought.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And this is not just my vision. It is actually happening, even among those who have resisted the most. A recent newspaper article in the Houston Chronicle reported on problems currently bedeviling professional faculty, staff and students at Baylor University. Everyone in Texas knows Baylor as a conservative Baptist institution. In fact, it has been becoming less and less a Baptist University for years. This year there has been a strong push from students to amend the code of ethics to mitigate the University's long held view that homosexual conduct is sinful and contrary to the teachings of Christ.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As is so often the case when conscientious objectors try to defend what is indefensible, their line of thought blurs or even becomes nonsensical. So it is with the newly proposed code of conduct at Baylor. Wisely, however, the student body is, for the most part, accepting it as a real step forward toward their eventual goal of achieving equal rights and recognition for gay students.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It has been widely reported that college students are making it clear over and over again</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> they have no problem with homosexuality. In doing so, Baylor students have also made it clear the recalcitrant stance against homosexuality at Baylor lies within the faculty and the leadership, all of whom are thoroughly vetted by the Baptist Church's leadership. The current President of Baylor is Ken Star. Star has impeccable credentials and has done undeniably good things for Baylor. However, he is a very conservative member of the Baptist church. Had he not been, he would never have been asked to lead Baylor. Star does not intend to let Baylor become gay friendly or supportive on his watch. He is a staunch defender of the old guard. Students are just as determined to sustain the fight for as long as it takes. In the long run, my money is on the students.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="gmw_">The same is true for the Baptist church. Young Baptists do not understand the church's disdain for gays. When they read their Bibles, it is clear to them, were Christ on earth today, he would often be found hanging out with gay and lesbian people. They recognize the traditional stance of the Baptist church is clearly outside the teachings of Christ. When the younger generation of Baptists begins to replace the old guard as more and more of the elders are laid to rest, even the Baptist Church will change direction or be laid to rest itself.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">With gays becoming accepted members of the group often referred to as the common man, some of the more flamboyant displays of homosexuality' meant to make Americans realize gays are present in everyday life, will begin to disappear. They will no longer fill a need. Gay men already see themselves more and more as husbands or spouses, and in some cases fathers, in legal and/or religious unions. They are ready to become just part of the group of married Americans in a life where their sexuality is one of the least of things important to others, and in a life where they are judged by their character rather than by whom they love.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="gmw_">I've learned bisexuality, and most of those who see themselves as bisexuals are not yet fully ready to take their proper place in society's group known as the common man. Unlike homosexual men who have fought the long fight, mostly united in a common understanding of who they are and what they must win, bisexual men, in large part, have no common understanding of themselves and no realistic goals they wish to achieve. Until that changes, their fight to become a part of the group known as the common man can't even really begin. This is not meant to be an "I'm better than you" statement by any means. It is just a recognition of current reality, my reality included. As a bisexual man in his late 60's who is happily married and happily a part of straight society, I see nothing to gain by my coming out to my family and friends. One might correctly say I could help pave the way for others. It's true, but I feel I'm doing my part in this blog and in other ways that avoid conflict I just don't need at this stage of my life. If that's a cop out, and it may very well be, then I'm guilty."</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Another reason I started this blog was because I wanted a vehicle through which I could better understand myself as a bisexual man. In other words, I wanted to be part of a dialogue with other men which would help all of us to better understand ourselves.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's hard for me to imagine now, but I didn't even know there was such a thing as bisexual men until I was 30 years old. The fact was, most of my emotional torment and pain arose from my understanding I was not a homosexual man, but neither was I a straight man. Because neither of these two categories fits me and my desires, I came to think of myself as some kind of monster.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But in 1977, the world was on the cusp of a technological revolution. Personal computers were just around the corner. Few realized how quickly they would change our lives. For the first time in history, the combined knowledge of mankind would be at the fingertips of a great number of the world's people. Even more astounding, much of it would be free.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was the world wide web which really began to open my understanding of bisexuality and thus my understanding of myself. Over the next several years I read everything I could find on bisexuality on the web, as well as, much of what was recommended on the web. But just reading was not enough. I wanted to talk with bisexual men and find out how their lives were unfolding. That led me to the chat rooms that had began to appear on line in the late 1980's and by the 1990's were ubiquitous. For the first time I could talk with real live men who, like me, were struggling to understand themselves. It was a new world. Never before had I had a place where I could talk openly about topics which could not be discussed at all in the real world.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In the 35 or so years following my first steps into the world of chat rooms and open discussions about sex between men, a whole new world has overtaken all of us. Some of us, mostly the young, have enthusiastically embraced this new world. Some of us have been less enthusiastic, but recognize that we must adjust or be left behind in our own society and even in our own network of friends. Those who adamantly refuse to give an inch now often find themselves the outcasts.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This was illustrated recently in a situation which my good friends (a gay couple here in Houston) became members of a group of Houston Texans fans which rotated amongst each other's homes on game day to eat, drink and watch the game. From the first time they were invited after moving into the community, my friends had been surprised at the welcome they received from their older straight neighbors. But the bonds of friendship continued to grow.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="gmw_">As the second season opened this September, a crack suddenly appeared in the group. My friends were absent at a restaurant date where the neighbors gathered to eat and have some fun. One family took advantage of their absence to announce to the group they did not appreciate the acceptance of two gay men into the group. He stated that he and his wife would no longer participate if the gay couple were participating. The conversation quickly became very heated. One member told the complaining couple that he'd rather be associated with a gay couple than a couple of narrow minded homophobes. He ended his comments by saying if the gay couple was asked to leave, he and his wife would leave also. One by one the other couples sided with him, saying they wished the couple who wanted to leave would reconsider, but they were not going to bar the gay couple from the group. I'm sure the couple who opposed associating with gays were shocked to find they had become the outcasts in the blink of an eye. It is a good example of how quickly cosmopolitan society has changed.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I certainly was glad my friends had been so open heartedly accepted by the group and how the group had supported them in a very difficult situation. I can't help but think that had my friends been openly bisexual, the outcome might have been different.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I think the reasons behind the possibly different outcomes are pretty clear. The United States citizenry has reached the level of over all sophistication and information need for it to accept those who are gay. More and more we accept people for the quality of their character than for any other reason. After all, stripped to its core, prejudice is nothing but fear and/or misunderstanding of the unknown.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">On the other hand, one of the reasons gays who have come out of their closets are </span><br />
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respected is because they have had the courage to openly present themselves to the world as who they are. They have largely dropped the circus atmosphere that surrounded the first generation of gays who came out. Instead, The group of gay men coming out are more apt to be doctors, teachers, pastors, business leaders or one of thousands of other professions for which they are already judged to be members of the upper levels of the common man than any thing else including their being gay. They don't ask to be given anything. They ask only to be judged by the quality of their character and just importantly by what they can contribute to our society. Only the most truculent homophobes even try to deny the recognized contributions to society by homosexuals over the centuries as well as those now coming out who are already more often than not professionally successful, affluent and ready to contribute.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In contrast, bisexuals are perceived as dishonest, self-centered, shallow, untrustworthy and incapable of acting in the interest of anyone except themselves. How did this view of bisexuals develop so quickly since it has only been a few years that the general public thought homosexuals and bisexuals were just the same thing; or, at most bisexuals were homosexuals who had not yet had the courage to see themselves as homosexual, </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I know I did for years. I simply did not understand why I had these seemingly irresistible desires that were mutually destructive of all I loved. Either way I went, my life was going to be adversely impacted, perhaps destroyed.</span></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7cMRS8jFp-Y/UpyP7u385_I/AAAAAAAAOd0/2dx7f5rVXqg/s1600/Kleshas.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7cMRS8jFp-Y/UpyP7u385_I/AAAAAAAAOd0/2dx7f5rVXqg/s320/Kleshas.jpg" width="317" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And such destruction was not an abstract idea. The web was and is still, alive with men who </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">have destroyed everything they ever loved. Some of these men have fallen from the ranks of very successful providers for their families and from positions of responsibility and community respect to men who have nothing in an inconceivably short time. Some sought help through counselors or organizations who promised to "fix them." Some embraced the desire that had cost them all they had, and began to have male/male sex anytime, anywhere and with anyone who was available. Some were in such shock they simply existed from day to day. Some, reaching the utter bottom of their lives, took the only out they could see and ended their own lives.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The lack of will to climb one's way out of ignorance can indeed be disastrous. Strangely enough, the failure to gather one's will to entertain new ideas often can be traced to a lack of will to confront one's parents or challenge religious beliefs of one's parents. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The centre of the Wheel of Life. In the image above: ignorance is represented by a pig; attachment/desire is represented by an Indian bird known for its attachment to its mate; aversion/anger is represented by a snake, since it is quick to strike. I think the ancients showed great wisdom in placing all these conflicting elements of our lives at the very center of the Wheel of Life. How we each deal with these conflicting elements determines whether our lives will be happy and successful or miserable and hopeless.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There are, cf course those who have been much luckier. Those who found they could manage the duality of both their own sense of guilt over their male/male sexual explorations and their obligations to their wives and families while continuing to pass as straight guys, did relatively well. I am one of these. Others turned to formal or informal counseling. Those who found the </span><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-weight: bold;">right</i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> counselor and worked tirelessly to come to a new understanding of themselves also, more often than not, found in themselves something they could live with. They began to form new paradigms that supported and defined their non-straight sexuality.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For some, the new paradigms allowed them to be bisexual but not act on it if they were already married to a woman. Others found they could handle occasional male/male liaisons so long as they limited the activity.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In my younger days before the world wide web, I thought I was the only man on earth who both loved his wife, had a great sex life with her; yet could not shake the thoughts or desires for sex with other men.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The truth, I later found, is far different. There are hundreds of thousands of such men around the world. Just finding that out helped, but it left much yet for me to understand.</span></div>
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Jack Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08273576581155029176noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703298219148864437.post-10442774235635506582013-11-28T08:00:00.000-06:002013-12-02T05:54:39.032-06:00On The A - Line<div style="text-align: justify;">
Just when I thought it was safe to get out of bed - I should have taken a second look. The other morning I woke up feeling better than I had in quite some time. However, within minutes of getting up, I was laying on the floor nauseous and exhausted. I lay there a while thinking with a little rest, it would be easier to get up and finish getting dressed for my appointment with my Oncologist.</div>
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I did manage to get up, but when I stood up, the nausea turned very quickly to actively throwing up. I did make it to the car, pan in hand. My wife began the drive into Houston's Medical Center. By the time we got into town, my pan was full. By the time we got to the parking garage at MD Anderson, I found I could not get out of the car. My wife retrieved a wheel chair. I struggled out of the car and into the chair.</div>
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Having given up my pan, we stopped at the desk for a barf bag. Throwing up into it, I noticed for the first time the "coffee grounds" look of what I was throwing up. I knew what was happening, and I knew it wasn't good. I was throwing up blood.</div>
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When we got to the Doctor's office, I could no longer sit up. Instead, I stretched out on a sofa. They called me a minute or two later, but I didn't have the strength to get up, and I could only communicate somewhat incoherently. My wife filled them in on what she knew of what was happening. Shortly after they got me into the Doctor's office, all hell broke loose. I was now throwing up bright red blood and coughing it up as well. It was also coming out of my nose. Someone was asking me if I could stay in the wheelchair long enough to get to the ER. I agreed, I could, but I would have agreed to any thing at that point. All I really wanted to do was lay down to sleep and be left alone.</div>
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Before I knew what was happening, I was in the ER being prepared for the insertion of two Arterial</div>
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Lines. I'd never had an arterial line inserted while conscious before, but I had helped insert them and I knew they were hellishly painful, but what was I to do. It was either let them establish the lines or die. I was so overwhelmingly tired I might have chosen to die, but no one gave me that choice. I had bled out half of my volume of blood. There really were no choices.</div>
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The doctor began to insert the long needle deep into my right wrist and dig around for the artery. Even in my weakened condition, it was all I could do to stay still. The pain was almost unbearable. With the arterial line in my wrist, stitched to my skin to hold in place and patent, they began immediately to infuse blood while a second larger bore arterial line was established in my groin. The pain was intense as the physician struggled to get the line just the way he wanted it and then stitch it to me so it would not move. That done, they began to run more blood into me at a fast clip.</div>
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Within a very short time, my body began to change from a very pale white to pink. I was still foggy, but I knew I was going to live. There was no pain from the hemorrhage or the surgery, but my wrist, my groin and my penis ached from the assault of the catheters which had been inserted. My arms looked like I had been in a fight with a couple of cats. There were needle stick marks up and down them from where they had tried to find veins that would tolerate a catheter and, of course, the venous catheters that marked their ultimately successful stick. In another few minutes I was transported to ICU where I was to remain for 4 days without food and without water except for the IV bags which were constantly flowing their contents into my arms. More often than not, ICU patients are not fully conscious. It is a blessing, a blessing I did not have. Believe me, there is no allowance for one's dignity in ICU. Neither is there any time to sleep. Nurses and technicians are in and out in and out. Monitors are sounding their shrill warnings almost constantly. It is impossible to get comfortable with the tubes running in and out of ones body. The slightest movement is likely to cause a tube to crimp, and the monitors began their obnoxious warnings.</div>
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After five days, I was released to home with warnings to take things slow and easy. There was no need to warn me. <b><i>I didn't have the energy to cuss a cat!</i></b></div>
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I'm feeling better today for the first time, but my energy level is still low. There'll be no family</div>
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Thanksgiving for me. My immune system is too low to be around a bunch of people, especially the little kids. But now that I'm getting better, I'm glad they ignored my pleas to leave me alone. Life is not what I wish it were anymore, but there are still so many blessings to be thankful for on this Thanksgiving day and every day.</div>
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As a part of taking it easy for a while, I'm not sure when the next pictures will be posted, or the next blog written, but I hope you won't forget me. Check back every few days to see what's new.</div>
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I hope you won't just celebrate Thanksgiving watching the Cowboys game. I love football, but there is more to life. Take time to actually name a few of your blessings and be thankful for them. Life is really short, and it hangs on a very thin string.<br />
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Jack Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08273576581155029176noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703298219148864437.post-48078760341038877112013-11-11T18:41:00.000-06:002013-12-02T06:20:28.644-06:00A Sincere Salute to All Who Served<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: normal;">The sun is setting on a Veteran's Day which was </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: normal;">absolutely</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: normal;"> beautiful here in Texas. That we might enjoy it, thousands upon thousands of American soldiers through the centuries have given the ultimate gift, their lives.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">As the proud father of a career military man who has worn the uniform for over two decades, I know well, the sacrifices our military men and women make every day. They make up less than 1% of Americans, and we trust them to have our backs 100% of the time for very little in return. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Why do they do it? Even as the father of one of them, I simply do not know. The best I can make of it, they simply feel called. Like the 3 year old in the lyrics of the famous song, "The Wall," my own son was playing war when he was only three. Think of all the war zones you've heard about in the News over the last 20 years. My son and the sons and daughters of a host of Americans have been in every one of them. And in a very personal and intimate way, those who love them have been there too. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Americans have become war weary. We have not forgotten that to whom much is given, much is required. We have not forgotten that Americans, for generations, have stepped into conflicts that were not their conflicts, but nevertheless, conflicts, in which, we felt duty bound to take a side. Things have not always turned out well in these conflicts where we've offered a helping hand. But we can be proud we've never tried to build an empire and more often than not, our national enemies have eventually become our allies and friends. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Today our enemies are not nations, but radical religious zealots who prey upon the uneducated, the poor and the ignorant to make them their human weapons of mass destruction, promising them unlimited rewards in paradise of which the zealots themselves are not yet ready to partake. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Though we are a nation who has sacrificially earned our present condition of war weariness, we will have no choice but to continue the fight against the radicals, those who try to exalt themselves on the bloody bodies of their people, the purveyors of false religions, and those who are nothing more than everyday tyrants. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Fortunately, scientific achievement takes exponential leaps forward. We are on the brink of a sea change in the technology of warfare. Fewer and fewer Americans will have to be physically present in war zones in order to achieve our goals. Our technology will keep our military men and women out of harm's way. I know people are already complaining about the rise of drones and the collateral damage they often cause. Those people have simply forgotten the real definition of collateral damage which was a brutal reality of World War II. The reality is, the collateral damage of World War II was one of the reasons the ward did not drag on for 15 years or so like our present wars do. While no collateral damage should always the goal for Americans, if there is to be collateral damage it should be upon our enemies and those who support their tactics or turn a blind eye to them.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">So, as night closes in on this Vetran's Day. Let us each say a prayer or simply take a moment to say, "Thanks," to those who have born the battle. Let us remember that we will always need those few special people who love America enough to die for it and to gladly serve it. </span></div>
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Jack Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08273576581155029176noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703298219148864437.post-7718647754922108062013-11-08T17:36:00.002-06:002013-11-08T17:36:55.129-06:00Hanging Tough - I Think<div style="text-align: justify;">
It's been a while since I posted anything that doesn't pertain to football. Frankly, I have been pleasantly surprised at how many readers those two posts have attracted. After last Sunday's Texans loss to the Colts, I'm considering whether NFL Football is entertainment or self torture. </div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-UuZBTfrkgNk/Un10owcTxwI/AAAAAAAAOHg/LCRLpicEV7c/s1600/cancer-cartoon-licensed2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-UuZBTfrkgNk/Un10owcTxwI/AAAAAAAAOHg/LCRLpicEV7c/s400/cancer-cartoon-licensed2.jpg" width="302" /></a>Anyway, I wanted to let all of you I'm working on a non-football post. Not sure when I'll have it out. I've been working on it for a couple of weeks and making only slow progress.</div>
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I've always heard about chemo brain. Now I know what it is all to well. I've always been one who could just pick up a pencil, and the words would come. The chemo has ended that. I have to drag the words out of my brain. Beyond that I'm wearing out my spell checker. </div>
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I often become confused too over little things. I've had my share of confusion during my life but not over little things that we all have to deal with every day. Add to that the constant fatigue, and I'm moving pretty slow these days. However, I refuse to give up; so I'll get something substantial posted fairly soon.</div>
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Thanks to all of you for your patience and your support.</div>
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Jack Scott<br />
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Jack Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08273576581155029176noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703298219148864437.post-56141373335911712532013-10-29T08:00:00.000-05:002013-10-29T12:57:09.851-05:00NFL 2020<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: justify;">I enjoy NFL football. I have had season tickets to t he Houston Texans games since the inception of the franchise. Watching an NFL game either in the stadium or on HDTV at home is a great experience though watching at home is a very different experience from watching live in the stadium.</span></div>
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Watching at home gives one immediate insight into the game through the work of<br />
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professional commentators who give a running commentary about what is going on down on the field. Most long time fans can keep up pretty well; but for newer fans, the commentary can be very useful. This year has been a strange year in the number of rarely seen penalties that have been assessed leaving even the most knowledgable fans in the dark.</div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">One such penalty was in week seven in the game between the Patriots and the Jets. Jets kicker, Nick Folk was wide left on a 56-yard field goal attempt, but the miss was negated when New England's Chris Jones was called for unsportsmanlike conduct on a 15-yard penalty that never had before been called in an NFL game. Fans in the stands as well as fans watching on TV at home were left wondering, "What the hell?" How was Jones guilty of unsportsmanlike conduct?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Referee Jerome Boger explained in a pool report that Jones was called for pushing his teammate "into the opponents' formation." Umpire Tony Michalek threw his flag "almost instantaneously as he observed the action," Boger said. "We just enforced it as he called it."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was the first time such a penalty had ever been called in the NFL. Soon enough, the commentators were briefed and explained the penalty to the fans at home. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Watching at home in a comfortable recliner in a temperature controlled room where beer is six or seven bucks cheaper than in the stadium is also a big plus. There are other pluses of watching from home.</span></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OeTdSG_5hZI/Um6os7bVVsI/AAAAAAAAN1U/HqZH05KB_6M/s1600/th-3.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="268" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OeTdSG_5hZI/Um6os7bVVsI/AAAAAAAAN1U/HqZH05KB_6M/s400/th-3.jpeg" width="400" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">To me the big pluses of watching in the stadium are tailgating with friends before the game and watching the game in the presence of 60,000 to 70,000 other fans who sustain the excitement of the game with their cheers, boos and outlandish costumes. Game day in the stadium is a holiday.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But as every fan knows, NFL football is changing and changes in NFL football trickle down to college football, school football and even to kids football leagues. Unfortunately, some of the changes being made for health reasons and are justified on that account, but take some of traditional excitement of the game, especially from the fans who love to watch the hard hits. The hard hits are great to watch (though they often come at great expense to the player taking the hit as well as the player delivering the hit). As for me, (and I may be the only NFL fan who would say this) I enjoy the artistic nature of the game. These highly trained and motivated players often seem to defy human limitations in their athleticism. It takes on the nature of an art form to me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's important to remember though that football has always been a work in progress. In the beginning</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> there was very little or no protective gear. When helmets first arrived on the scene they were simple stitched leather coverings which really did little to protect a players head. Helmets have evolved into technological masterpieces which greatly enhance head protection. Pads, shoes and other protective gear have also evolved considerably, but the evolution is not over by a long shot.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The NFL has recently begun a video series on what fans might expect football to be like in the year 2020. In the series, they look at equipment as well as other changes almost certain to come to pass. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">One non equipment change they speculate on is the first NFL star to come out of the closet as a gay man. When it happens, and it will happen, football will be revolutionized as will the way America looks at gay men.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Take a look at <u>NFL Football Episode 1, Look and Feel</u> in the year 2020 by clicking on the URL: </span></div>
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Jack Scott</div>
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Jack Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08273576581155029176noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703298219148864437.post-83411909431354894832013-10-21T08:00:00.000-05:002013-11-05T17:04:06.418-06:00A Texas Hero Lost - A Notorious Houstonian Dead<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Texas lost a hero Friday night. We knew it was coming, but knowing it is coming doesn't lessen the shock of realizing such a man is gone forever.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="gmw_">He wasn't a politician, never dreamed of being one<span class="gm_ gm_badd3eac-bdec-9be5-7354-bc741df5f7b2 gm-spell gm_tiny">;</span> but what a different world it would be if all politicians had his outlook on life, his simple concept of what it is to be a man, what is right and what is wrong. What would the United States of America look like today if it had such a natural born leader as this man was? In a country where true leadership is virtually unknown to a whole generation of Americans, this hero could teach many valuable lessons to our politicians if only there was someone willing to learn.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="gmw_">He died Friday night surrounded by family and former Oiler's tight end, Mike Barber, without accomplishing a couple of his fondest dreams<span class="gm_ gm_c4dad570-974a-3960-399f-e136fc861497 gm-spell gm_tiny">;</span><span class="gmw_"> but no one who knew him would ever think of calling him a failure because he never gave up<span class="gm_ gm_71a42789-5bfe-99cb-75c4-793dac0ff2c6 gm-spell gm_tiny"> </span>and he never quit. And those who knew him best know if he had achieved his fondest dreams he would have reacted by simply dreaming bigger dreams. He was just that type of man.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Hundreds of thousands of Americans knew his name; but he wasn't impressed with his own</span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">President George H. W. Bush and Bum</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">celebrity because celebrity was never one of his goals. Instead, his basic goal was to mold young men into talented men of courage, determination and character. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="gmw_">He never thought of himself as anything other than a simple man. As a simple man, he tried to be the best father, Texan, rancher and coach he could be. As a man who desired to be each of those things full time, he spent his life regretting it was not possible. He had to make difficult decisions about priorities that troubled him. But those he fathered never felt cheated because he had to spend so much time away. Texans loved him and never turned their backs on him. He died a happy man on his small, by Texas standards, 400 acre ranch. It was the place where he wanted to die and be buried. Coach? It was something he loved<span class="gm_ gm_8d389e70-1f46-807f-f483-b07102849034 gm-spell gm_tiny"> </span><span class="gmw_">and it consumed about half of his adult live. But to him, coach was not just a title attached to any ball coach. To him coaching was much more than winning games. It was about molding the character of young men, teaching them to plow through adversity as well as teaching them to be humble in victory and resolute in defeat. Above all he was determined to teach them how to exhibit these things on the ball field as well as in their personal lives. Mike Barber was an example of Coach's success. After Leaving the NFL he became a minister. In the last few months, he visited<span class="gm_ gm_b488a456-eaed-276b-48bf-7b38aeb8df26 gm-spell gm_tiny"> </span>coach several times in that capacity.</span></span></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-IPd0mJnyKLg/UmLg9AMIwKI/AAAAAAAANwg/oeMrEPxSZLA/s1600/sp_BumPhillips1980.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="426" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-IPd0mJnyKLg/UmLg9AMIwKI/AAAAAAAANwg/oeMrEPxSZLA/s640/sp_BumPhillips1980.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bum, overwhelmed by 70,000 fans who showed up to show their support after the Oiler' playoff loss to the Steelers on January 6, 1980.</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: justify;">It has been said he was the Will Rogers of the NFL</span>;<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: justify;"> and indeed, though it is a title he would have rejected, it fit him well to those who knew him. Like Rogers, some of his off the cuff comments have never been forgotten:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><i>"If I could be remembered for one thing, that would be for being myself. You may not always be right, but you do what you think is right. If you're wrong, </i></b></span><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>have the ability to admit it. Both are damned important."</i></b></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><i>"How do you win? By getting average players to play good and good players to play great."</i></b> </span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><i><span class="gmw_">"Don Shula? Now there's a good football coach. He can take <span class="gm_ gm_0568f9b9-886c-d38e-c6eb-89e2b4157866 gm-spell">his'n</span><span class="gmw_"> and beat your'n, or he can take your'n and beat <span class="gm_ gm_4bf6b226-587e-d96a-43d7-8446eb3d71e0 gm-spell">his'n</span>." </span></span></i></b></span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><i>"There's only two types of coaches; them that's been fired and them that's gonna be fired."</i></b></span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><i>"I always thought I could coach. I just thought people were poor judges of coaches."</i></b></span> </blockquote>
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<b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><i><span style="background-color: #eeeeee; line-height: 19px;"><span class="gmw_">of Earl Campbell, "I don't know if he's in a class by himself, but I do know that when that class gets together, it sure <span class="gm_ gm_9eb54f0b-57a5-820b-01dc-210bd22a63d9 gm-spell">don't</span> take long to call the roll."</span></span></i></b></blockquote>
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<b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><i style="background-color: #eeeeee;"><span style="line-height: 19px;">(when asked about Oilers RB </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earl_Campbell" style="background-image: none; color: #0b0080; line-height: 19px; text-decoration: none;" title="Earl Campbell">Earl Campbell</a><span style="line-height: 19px;">'s inability to finish a one-mile run in training camp) "When it's first and a mile, I won't give it to him."</span> </i></b><br />
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<b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><i style="background-color: #eeeeee;"><span style="line-height: 19px;">(referring to Houston Oilers quarterback </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Warren_Moon" style="background-image: none; color: #0b0080; line-height: 19px; text-decoration: none;" title="Warren Moon">Warren Moon</a><span style="line-height: 19px;"><span class="gmw_">) "That<span class="gm_ gm_7b0db127-1c38-371e-a091-559d22bd801a gm-spell gm_tiny"> </span>boy could throw a football through a car wash and not get it wet."</span></span> </i></b></blockquote>
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<b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><span class="gmw_">"There are people, maybe two or three, that ain't gonna like you. Not <span class="gm_ gm_96b62120-dfd4-25cd-4c2b-20c032b8f615 gm-spell">everbody</span><span class="gmw_"> likes <span class="gm_ gm_c1cea5cb-255f-b0ef-c9d6-6f9624575fdd gm-spell">everbody</span>. My grandpa used to say, 'Just nod and grin.' "</span></span></i></b></blockquote>
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="gmw_">"You can lead me a lot further than you can drive me. …You can't win today by embarrassing your football players. If I played for a guy who shouted at me, I'd sock him. …If you gripe at <span class="gm_ gm_7c16d615-d41f-eec6-0ea7-9c213b24e9a1 gm-spell">everbody</span><span class="gmw_">, you accomplish <span class="gm_ gm_8e72e8ea-b6f6-1973-fd86-24bf1e762a03 gm-spell">nothin</span><span class="gmw_"><span class="gmw_">. To motivate somebody, you have to explain why something needs to be done before you can ask somebody to do it. Tell me why<span class="gm_ gm_cc376b5d-df2f-3f3d-54e1-42cf6d4d8240 gm-spell gm_tiny"> </span>and I'll do just about </span><span class="gm_ gm_8925cc49-8fc3-7567-16e7-a82700e0529f gm-spell">everthing</span>."</span></span></span></span></b></blockquote>
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"The Dallas Cowboys may be Americas team, but the Houston Oilers are Texas' team.</span></b></blockquote>
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(To an official) "Hey, can I, can I tell you one thing? That's three holding penalties on one football team in a quarter and a half. (Pauses) That ain't funny."</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: justify;"></span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was privileged, a few months ago, to be in Reliant Stadium in Houston when Bum made what was to be his last visit to a Texans game. At half time he and Earl Campbell and other ex Oilers were honored for their contributions to Houston's NFL teams. There were thousands of young people in the stands who weren't even born when Bum was still coaching, but they still knew who Bum was and joined the throngs in rising to their feet and filling the stadium with extended cheers for Oail Andrew Phillips, the man who will always just be "Bum" to Texans.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="gmw_">I have no idea what Bum's views on homosexuality or bisexuality were. But to me, he seemed like a man who always judged others more on the quality of their character than anything else. More than likely, in his long career, Bum coached a homosexual young man, maybe two or <span class="gm_ gm_65a7c8a2-219a-4cd9-a2fa-2aca4a20af08 gm-spell">theree</span>. That it never became a public issue fits right in with the man we all came to know and respect.</span></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Bum Phillips</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 19px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><b style="background-color: #eeeeee;">(September 29, 1923 – October 18, 2013)</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: sans-serif; line-height: 19px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><b><span style="background-color: #eeeeee; font-size: large;">Rest In Peace, Bum</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: sans-serif; line-height: 19px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><b style="background-color: #eeeeee;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">You Eared Your Place In Our Hearts</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We'll miss you Bum! Thanks for your example. Thanks for the memories.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jack Scott </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">P.S. A couple of the dreams Bum never achieved were winning a Super Bowl and opening a facility on his ranch for deaf youngsters. No one can help with the Superbowl win but everyone can help Bum achieve his goal to open the facility for deaf children.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Phillips family invites donations to Bum's charities. Contributions can be made through:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.bumphillipscharities.com/" target="_blank">www. bumphillipscharities.com</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Bum Phillips Charities</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">2189 South Riverdale Lane</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Goliad, TX 77963</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> The Most Hated Man in Houston Dies</span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Life often take strange twists and turns and so it did with the death yesterday of Bud Adams. It was strange that Bum and Bud who were close friends who parted ways over business and owner/coach issues and finally decided to let bygones be bygones years later were again separated by death and then joined in death 3 days later.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For Bum it showed what a great guy he was to let bygones be bygones and to forgive Adams for doing the unthinkable. Texans and especially Houstonians never did forgive Bud although after moving the Oilers to Tennessee he continued to live in his Houston River Oaks mansion, where he was found dead on Sunday, and conduct much of his business in Houston. As he was worth an estimated 1.3 billion dollars at his death, he contributed greatly to the Houston economy and the welfare of Houston.</span></div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-X2Qe2kux2g8/UmbMCx-DtYI/AAAAAAAANyA/Wz1Q3ELw44M/s1600/titans5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-X2Qe2kux2g8/UmbMCx-DtYI/AAAAAAAANyA/Wz1Q3ELw44M/s320/titans5.jpg" width="213" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In all fairness, Adams along with Lamar Hunt, another Texas billionaire, must be given credit for creating the AFL. Without the AFL coming into being, there never would have been a professional football team in Houston, at least for several more decades.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Some Texans fans and former Oilers fans don't know that. Some do and don't give a damn. They still have never forgiven Adams for taking the Oilers to Tennessee and never will. Even in death, some are not willing to forgive. He is seen by many Texans as a deserter and a man who got too greedy when he was already worth millions.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He bought the Oilers franchise for $25,000.00 in or about 1960. At the time of his death, the Titans franchise was worth in or around $1,000,000,000. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Suffice it to say Adams, dead at 90 years of age, the same as Bum, lived a long and productive life and he shared much of that productivity with the City of Houston and its citizens. Maybe he won't ever be forgiven by Houstonians, but then too, he'll never be forgotten.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Rest in peace Bud. I can't say many Houstonians will miss you. But thanks for what you did for Houston before and after snatching the Oilers out of state in the dark of night.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #eeeeee; font-size: large;"><b style="font-family: sans-serif; line-height: 19px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">Kenneth Stanley "Bud" Adams, Jr.</b><span style="font-family: sans-serif; line-height: 19px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #eeeeee; font-family: sans-serif; line-height: 19px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">(January 3, 1923 – October 21, 2013)</span></div>
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<span style="text-align: -webkit-auto;"><span style="font-family: sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: #eeeeee; line-height: 19px;">Founder of the Houston Oilers - now the Tennessee Titans</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="text-align: -webkit-auto;"><span style="font-family: sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: #eeeeee; line-height: 19px;">Jack Scott</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Jack Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08273576581155029176noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703298219148864437.post-15357926588908229712013-10-18T08:00:00.000-05:002013-10-18T08:00:12.883-05:00Neo Sexuality<div style="text-align: justify;">
Earlier this month Josh Hutcherson gave gave a candid interview to "Out Magazine." Hutcherson is an up and coming actor whose latest film release was "Hunger Games."</div>
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Hutcherson turned 21 years old on October 12th. He was born in Union, Kentucky, a state not noted for its liberal or cutting edge social values. However, in the "Out" interview, Hutcherson held nothing back while discussing who he is and his views on his own sexuality.</div>
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At one point in the interview while replying to a question on his own sexuality, he replied:<br />
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"I would probably list myself as mostly straight," Maybe I could say right now I'm 100 percent straight. But who knows? In a fucking year, I could meet a guy and be like, 'Whoa, I'm attracted to this person … I've met guys all the time that I'm like, 'Damn, that's a good-looking guy,' you know? I've never been, like, 'Oh, I want to kiss that guy.' I really love women. But I think defining yourself as 100% anything is kind of near-sighted and close-minded." </blockquote>
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"I have this dream that one day, my kid's gonna come home from school and be like, 'Dad, there's this girl that I like, and there's this guy that I like, and I don't know which one I like more, and I don't know what to do.' And it'd just be a non-issue, like, 'Which one is a good person? Which one makes you laugh more?'"</blockquote>
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Hutcherson may well be the voice of the future for the young people of America. There is no doubt that a large number of American youngsters are, unlike their parents, not uptight about homosexuality and<br />
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bisexuality. A huge number of younger Americans see homosexuality and bisexuality as just another choice of sexual identity; and to them, one who makes that choice is no more cause for being singled out than is one who chooses heterosexuality.<br />
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A growing number of Americans of all ages can and do identify with Hutcherson's dream for a time when sexuality is a non-issue for their children and grandchildren.<br />
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Hutcherson went on to explain how his opinions on sexuality were shaped, in part, by the deaths of his two gay uncles in the AIDS epidemic of the 1990"s. His uncle Steve died only one day after his mother revealed to her brother that she was pregnant with Josh. Hutcherson told "Out" he was sorry he never met his uncles.<br />
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"…they sound amazing," he said.</div>
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In "The Hunger Games," Hutcherson plays the part of Peeta, a baker's son in the poor District 12. He finds himself in<i> triangle amoureux </i>with heroine Katniss and her life long male friend Gale. "Out"asked Hutcherson if he thought some of Peeta's problems could have been solved by a threesome, he thought it was a great idea. He said he was even going to pitch the idea for the sequels. </div>
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Hutcherson has been active in GLBT causes and willing to use his fame for the good of the GLBT community. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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In 2012, Hutcherson was presented with the Vanguard Award by GLAAD in recognition of his work, an honor that's given to a straight ally who fights for GLBT equality.</div>
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In his acceptance speech, he spoke about why he launched <i style="font-weight: bold;">Straight But Not Narrow</i>, a group dedicated to providing straight people with tools to fight against homophobia. </div>
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"We wanted to create a place where straight people felt safe coming out and saying, 'It’s okay to be gay,'" he said. "And I didn't know one, so we decided we were going to make one and we have. It's gaining momentum and it means the world to me."</blockquote>
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Clearly Josh Hutcherson is a seeker and supporter of change in America's views on sexuality. There is evidence that he and others like him are the vanguard of a movement which will result in extraordinary change in our sexual morés. Here's wishing him success.<br />
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Jack ScottJack Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08273576581155029176noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703298219148864437.post-47125445394892447532013-10-05T08:00:00.000-05:002013-10-05T08:00:05.203-05:00Lifetime AchievementsRecently I received a long and very complimentary letter from a reader. Two paragraphs were as follows:<br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">"You seem to be successful, happily married, with a history of a good marital sex life, socially at least somewhat liberal, fiscally conservative, Texan, intelligent, an interesting writer, bisexual, good taste in men (at least from your photo blog), Christian, and you have had longstanding very close friends-with-benefits relationships with men, and your wife is aware of this and it didn't ruin your marriage.</span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Jesus, man, how did you manage all that? Kudos to you."</span></blockquote>
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Like anyone, I appreciate a compliment whenever one is offered. However, in this case, I have to point out that the person offering the compliment is seeing me as a man in his mid sixties. If he had known </div>
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me when I was in my mid thirties, his compliment might not have been offered. There certainly have been times when I struggled to keep it all together, and there have been times when I was scared shitless about what it was going to take to achieve a goal.<br />
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Even so, the person complimenting me has more than likely seen, as have I, men in their sixties and even seventies who have not been very successful in their lives. What is it that allows some of us to achieve great success in our lives while others among us seem to struggle throughout their lives, or even worse, simply give up at some point?</div>
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The letter writer is correct when he describes me a fiscally conservative and socially liberal. For the most part that is correct. However, while I consider myself socially liberal, I am, by no means, a bleeding heart liberal. My recent <a href="http://jackscottsbisexualbuddies.blogspot.com/2013/09/the-proliferation-of-ignorance.html?showComment=1380558570277#c5947022862299387572" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">reply to an "Anonymous Liberal"</a> points out the distinct difference between me and the bleeding liberal hearts who are too blind, too elite, and too egotistical to see that they are on a path to destroying this country and its heritage.</div>
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I point out this reply because it answers part of the letter writers questions. My father was a man of few words. He spoke in a clear and simple way. He took seriously his duty to raise me and my brothers to be men who could support ourselves and our families. From an early age, he impressed on us that we were part of a world which doesn't give a damn about us. He stressed that there was no excuse for failure to be found outside ourselves. Adversity was just another name for challenge; and challenge was just another name for opportunity in my father's philosophy.</div>
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Feeling blue or mistreated? Get over it! Pick yourself up by your own bootstraps and keep doing whatever it is you have to do to achieve your goals was another major part of my father's philosophy of life, though he didn't say it in such gentle words.</div>
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I can't remember a single time I ever got a single word of sympathy from my father. Bleeding or </div>
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bruised? "I've had worse places on my eyeball," he'd say. Bullied or mistreated? "Learn to defend yourself; give as good as you get," he'd say. Yet, my father was always there, it seemed when he had to be. I almost drowned on my tenth birthday. I was going down for the 3rd time, and convinced my life was about to end when my father plucked me out of the deep water. I don't know for sure, but I've always felt my father let me get enough lake water in my lungs to convince me I'd better learn how to swim.<br />
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In today's world, not nearly enough people share my father's philosophy for success. "If I can't make more than minimum wage, why work?" they say. "Why should I stay in school?" they ask. "The governments got money, why should I work? they contend. Worse still, many people today would consider my father's philosophy a sign of ignorance. In response to anyone with such a viewpoint, I point out that my father raised three very successful sons.</div>
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Liberals contend minorities still need preferences and handouts to achieve success. The truth belies their contentions. Tens of thousands of minority middle and upper class Americans have made their lives a success just by taking advantage of the opportunities available to all Americans and by refusing to be defeated. The only fight I have with these successful minority Americans is, even they, now fall victim all too often to the liberal lie that minorities must have special help and preferences to achieve success. They have forgotten that it is their own struggle that made them what they are today.</div>
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Such self delusion is not just engaged in by successful minorities. It is also engaged in my successful white Americans who try to shield their children from the struggles they had to overcome on the road to success. They give their kids everything money can buy and never teach them the value of hard work and personal achievement. I admire Bill Gates and other wealthy Americans who do not plan to share their fortunes with their children, but instead teach them how to make their own fortunes.</div>
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Another reason for my success is that I was born with an inquiring mind. I always wanted to know, Why? I was never satisfied with success. I always wanted more. As a young man, I looked at people</div>
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who had grand homes and expensive cars and I wanted to be just like them. I was willing to work long, hard hours to achieve what I wanted.<br />
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I have never been a person who is afraid of or resistant to change. Nothing has ever been sacred to me simply because it is the way it has always been done. I have always been sensitive to the rights and the feelings of others because I have always been a believer in the old maxim that "what goes round comes round." Now, in the twilight of my years, I can honestly say that in my observation throughout my life those who cheat and steal and take advantage of others are seldom successful in the long run and <i style="font-weight: bold;">never</i> happy in the long run.</div>
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I have never been one to blame my failures on others. That sort of thing is simply alien to the philosophy of life my father instilled in me. It is a tell tale mark of the ignorant. If I fail, I simply try to learn from the failure and initiate a new strategy. Along the same lines, I've never thought of myself as the only person who has to carry a bag of rocks around with him. I know everyone has their own bag of rocks, and I believe it is out bag of rocks and what we do about them that determines our stature in life. No one else can relieve us of our rocks. They are our personal responsibility.</div>
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I've always been willing and able to reassess my bag of rocks. Often I've found what I thought was just a rock was, in fact, a gem stone. Such is the case with my bisexuality. For years it was one of the biggest rocks I had to carry. When I finally was able to assess it correctly, I found it to be one of the biggest gems in my life. It was because of my bisexuality, that I met some of the most important people in my life. It was because of my bisexuality I have been able to help some people to deal with their own sexual challenges. It is one of my life's greatest satisfactions to know that I have been able to affect lives for the better. At the same time, there is satisfaction that I was not able to affect such change all by myself, but rather by helping others to identify their options, clarify their thinking and take on new paradigms that brought about the changes.</div>
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I have always been a planner. I had the good sense to marry a woman who was also a planner. She is also intelligent and self sufficient. She doesn't need me to take care of her. She simply needs me to share my life with her. So many people ruin their chances of real success in life by marrying beautiful, needy women who are both unwilling and unable to be an asset to them. Such carelessness, more often than not, takes a huge toll on one's life.</div>
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Finally, throughout my life, I have surrounded myself with great people. Especially in my career, I </div>
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intentionally hired people who were smarter than I and who knew things I didn't know. I intentionally tried to avoid at all cost hiring problems and instead to hire competence and team members.<br />
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Have I made mistakes in my life? Too many to count, but mistakes have always been just a weigh station on the road to success. One of the greatest discoveries of my life has been that people appreciate a good attitude and a willingness to do something, even if its sometimes wrong. More often than not, such people are quickly forgiven their mistakes. It has happened to me over and over in my life.</div>
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I've always believed in powers bigger than myself. In my mind such belief is vital to keeping oneself grounded.</div>
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It's never too late to achieve success. We don't have to be rich to be counted successful. We don't have to have the grand home of the expensive car to be seen as a success. Some of the most successful people I've ever known have been quite poor in material means. As my father always said, "Be the best at whatever you do. If you dig ditches for a living, be the best ditch digger anyone has ever known."</div>
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Jack Scott</div>
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Jack Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08273576581155029176noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703298219148864437.post-57002299394401303272013-09-30T11:38:00.002-05:002013-09-30T11:38:50.799-05:00The Cat Did It!I've encountered a bit of a technical problem. The cat knocked my modem off the shelf and broke it. The only way I can access the internet is by using the hot spot on my iPhone.<br />
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Of course, I'm limited in the use of that resource. I hope to have the modem replaced and working in the next couple of days.<br />
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Thanks.<br />
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Jack ScottJack Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08273576581155029176noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703298219148864437.post-57840986026398066772013-09-21T08:00:00.000-05:002013-09-21T08:00:00.817-05:00Back to Texas My Sweet Home<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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We flew into Houston last night, a 24 hour period between waking up in Europe and getting back to bed in Texas. I'm learning that like many things, jet lag is more of a problem when one is in his mid 60's than it is when one is in his mid 30's.</div>
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We did have a great time though the schedule was just about as much as I could deal with. Since retirement, I have just not been use to getting up at 6:00 a.m every morning any longer.</div>
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The good thing about the trip is that everything was more than I expected it to be. We were disappointed in none of the sites on our itinerary. </div>
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Because of the horrible economy in Europe, even some of the 4 star and 5 star hotels are beginning to suffer from lack of maintenance and apparent neglect. Fortunately, while I'm sure all are suffering, some are doing a great job of keeping up service and the appearance of things guest will see and experience. We stayed in some truly fabulous hotels who catered to our every need.</div>
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I took between 500 and 600 pictures, but pictures just can't do justice to the landscape and many of the treasures in museums and cathedrals cannot be photographed at all. I was a great trip, but we were ready to come home. Our joy in traveling dies a sudden death after two weeks. It will take a few months before it begins to pull at me again. And, of course, it will take a few months to pay the bills.</div>
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Travel is never entirely fun anymore. Long flights are certainly not enjoyable, but every American who can afford to travel in foreign countries should do so. There is so much to see and to learn from foreign travel. And there is much for Europeans to learn about normal Americans. In our tour group, there were people from California, Arizona, Texas, Michigan, New York, Florida, New Jersey, Massachusetts and North Carolina. Getting to know them and know something about the life they lead is interesting. One thing quickly learned is that though all of these people are in the upper middle class, they all carry their own personal bag of rocks around. Like me, one was struggling with cancer. Other had other significant health problems. Some are facing the adjustments of retirement or dealing with recent retirement. Several are dealing with the problems associated with caring for elderly parents who no longer can deal with life on their own. But the significant thing to me was all these people, in spite of the blessings they enjoy, also have their own little bag of rocks which demand their attention. They deal with the rocks, but they don't let the rocks cause them to miss enjoying the blessing of seeing the rest of the world and learning how other people live. Almost everyone in the group had seen much of the world and had plans to see still more. To me it was a great and wonderful thing. Far too many people get stuck in a rut under the weight of the bag of problem rocks they carry around.</div>
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All in all, Europeans are much more laid back than Americans. They are more inclined to live their lives and leave it to others to live theirs. We were amazed to see people walking their dogs on leashes and taking the dogs with them into the best department stores and shops. Many Europeans are friendly and helpful. Europeans don't work as hard as Americans do, but they enjoy the good things in life their work enables them to have more than Americans do. They are much more apt to stop and smell the roses each day. Americans can learn from that.</div>
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Speaking of European tolerance, the Pope's recent interview in which he said the Church was much to much into rules and not enough into caring for people is bound to be a shock for many. His suggestion that gay people should not only be welcomed in to our churches but actually cared about as human beings is sure to give great comfort to all who are not straight. At the same time, it will piss off many in the Church hierarchy. They are bound to resist with every ounce of resistance they can muster. But Francis seems like a man on a mission to me. I don't think he will be held back, and he certainly will not be restrained. This one interview will shorten the timetable for gay and lesbian equality significantly. The Church, as we have known it during our lifetimes, is going to change significantly.</div>
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Just as there are still racists 50 years after discrimination was legally ended, there will always be those who resist equality and acceptance for gays. But just as racists are now relegated to the fringes of society, those who resist acceptance of gays will find more and more <i style="font-weight: bold;">they</i> are relegated to the fringes of society as well while the gay people they hate are more and more welcomed into mainline society.</div>
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It's good to be home. As soon as I recover from the jet lag and the pace I have endured over the last two weeks, I'll post again.</div>
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Thanks to all of you who read and support this blog. You cannot possibly know how important you are to me.</div>
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Jack Scott</div>
Jack Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08273576581155029176noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703298219148864437.post-17053975356105334822013-09-04T08:00:00.000-05:002013-09-04T08:00:06.740-05:00The Proliferation of Ignorance; The Realization of a DreamI don't know if it's just me or if others have noticed as well, over the last few years it has become increasingly difficult to avoid witnessing the proliferation of ignorance that more and more seems to surround us.<br />
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Some of the ignorance, I can overlook or dismiss; but much of it is already or will be affecting the lives and well being of all Americans. It has gotten to the point in dealing with businesses and their associates that I am surprised when I find someone who is competent, courteous and genuinely helpful.<br />
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I dropped into my local Micky D's last Friday for a late breakfast. I had forgotten to take my meds at the usual time that morning and talking them late, I could not eat for an hour after taking them. I walked into Micky D's at 10:30 and asked the young clerk for a sausage, egg and biscuit sandwich and a milk. She mumbled something I didn't catch, but I knew it wasn't, "Yes sir, coming right up." I said, "I'm sorry what was that?"<br />
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This time she pointed to the menu board overhead and repeated her one word reply, "Lunch." Who in the hell eats lunch at 10:30 a.m, I wanted to shout; but I said, "Thank you" instead and turned to walk out. A well dressed woman around my age had been standing at the door as I entered. As I walked to the door to leave she was still there. "Is there a problem," she asked.<br />
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"No," I replied, i'm just too late for breakfast I guess."<br />
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"I'm sorry, what did you want?" she asked.<br />
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I told her, and she said, "Well surely we can fix you up. Hold on a second."<br />
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She went back into the kitchen and quickly returned and asked if I could wait two minutes for the sandwich?<br />
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I said, "Sure."<br />
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In no time at all, she delivered my hot, fresh sandwich. I paid the "one word" clerk for it, and said, "Thank you."<br />
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The older woman said, "We can't have people walking out unsatisfied." I told her I appreciated it.<br />
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I know the world is different now, but I started working in a drive in hamburger joint when I was 14. Had I ever handled a customer, the way the young lady at the counter in Micky D's handled me, I wouldn't have lasted a day. Customer service was expected to be a constant. A one word reply to a customer's order which couldn't be filled for some reason demanded an explanation and an apology for the inconvenience.<br />
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That afternoon, I went to the ATT store to set my phone up for international service since I am leaving for Italy later this week. I was met at the door by a young associate who appeared to be 19 or 20. She was pleasant and smiling, an improvement over the "one word" associate at McDonalds. I told her what I needed, and she said she would be happy to help me with that and to explain several options to me.<br />
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She asked where I was going and I told her Italy. She said she was sorry but she wasn't too good with geography, and then asked where Italy was. I managed a smile and a small laugh and told her it was in southern Europe. There were no other hitches, and she soon had me fixed up. She gave me the international number for ATT customer service and told me to call it if I had problems while in Italy. All in all she was pleasant and helpful; but I couldn't help thinking, how can a 19 year old high school grad not know where Italy is?<br />
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Yesterday, I was watching television. The segment was <u>Water's World</u>. Jesse Waters was at a GLBT Parade at Coney Island in New York interviewing the participants of the parade. I have to admit the costumes of the parade participants did not fill me with pride to be a bisexual man, but I was torn about what upset me most, the outlandish XXX rated costumes or the people lined up watching the parade with their small children in tow.<br />
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But my decision making on that question was interrupted when Waters began interviewing some of the parade participants about their patriotism and love of country. I was shocked that, almost to a person, the revelers said they did not consider themselves patriotic. A young man in a sailor suit and lipstick painted lips and the mannerism of a flaming homosexual said that he was not patriotic and neither did he feel any love for his country. I know I'm an old man getting more and more crotchety all the time, but I couldn't help but think that both he and the country would be better off if we deported his ass to Iran or even Saudi Arabia where he could get a taste of how governments in that part of the world deal with homosexuals. Maybe in his last breaths, he would realize how much he did in fact love his country and the freedoms with which it bestowed him. Being gay or bisexual is no justification for constant mindless hedonism.<br />
<br />
Last night, my wife and I went to dinner and a movie with another couple who are our decades long friends. We saw <u>The Butler</u>. It was, in spite of some of its reviews, a very good movie. It brought <br />
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home to me once again how brutal segregation and racism had been in much of the South. In 1963, I was working, as I mentioned before, in a hamburger joint. The one exception to the rules concerning customer service was for negro customers. Negro customers who entered the store were informed they could not be seated, but they were welcome to order and take their food out.<br />
<br />
The reality was, it was simply a policy I didn't understand, and it embarrassed me beyond measure to have to refuse service to a black person. I had grown up in a small Texas town that had no black residents. I had never been in personal contact with a black person other than my grandfather's farm hand. He was a nice guy, always laughing and carrying on, but a hard and dependable worker. Why would anyone want to refuse to sell someone like him a hamburger and let him sit and eat it?<br />
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The same went for Jews. There were no Jews in our town, but in the next town east where we did a lot of our shopping, the men's store was owned by Mr. Bernstein. When I first learned Jews were hated and discriminated against world wide and that Hitler had killed six million of them for no other reason than that they were Jews, I just couldn't place Mr. Bernstein in that picture. He was a nice man. He always gave me candy when I was in the store with my parents. What was there to hate about someone like Mr. Bernstein?<br />
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As the newsreels from 1963 Birmingham and other southern cities unfolded once again on the screen as part of <u>The Butler</u> screenplay, I could remember seeing those same television reports that summer. Even as a 16 year old white boy, I was appalled. How could anyone hate that much? I simply did not understand then, and I cannot understand now.<br />
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But I couldn't help but think Dr. King would also be appalled if he knew what the present state of his dream is today. When the movie ended, the theater patrons, mostly middle age and elderly whites, stood and applauded. To me it was a repudiation of the 1960's brutality against the Civil Rights Movement and an apology for what we all had allowed to happen during the 100 years of segregation in this country. It was also a promise that, while this country is, and never will be perfect, we are, as a people, committed to judging people, not by "the color of their skin, but by the content of their character," just as Dr. King dreamed.<br />
<br />
How could anyone stand up and say race relations have not improved in this country at all over the last 50 years? Yet many young blacks and a few black leaders like Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, who make their living off racial strife, have repeated such statements or implied such falsehoods often over the last decade. I understand the so called leaders. For them, it is just personal economics. I understand the young people too. They are just ignorant in the classic sense of the word, but there is no <b><i>acceptable</i></b> excuse for such ignorance. To state or even think such a thing is a slap in the face to those who suffered, bled and died in the Civil Rights struggle.<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_jAfdbcqYXc/UiaMBWwF40I/AAAAAAAAM_U/4pN8cMMxC6w/s1600/th.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="194" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_jAfdbcqYXc/UiaMBWwF40I/AAAAAAAAM_U/4pN8cMMxC6w/s320/th.jpeg" width="320" /></a>Dr King and his supporters endured arrest, jail, beatings and even willingly died to get black students into white schools in the mid 1960's. Today, black kids are so thankful for that sacrifice they willingly walk out of schools by the thousands by their own choice without finishing their education. Nation wide the dropout rate for blacks is more than 13%. But in some states the dropout rate for black males is 53%. Still, many in the black community as well as the white liberal establishment have the audacity to blame continuing racism for the overwhelming number of black men incarcerated in this country. Does anyone really think anyone, black, white or green, can make an <i style="font-weight: bold;">honest living</i> in this country without at least a high school education? If they do, they are part of the proliferation of sheer ignorance that is bedeviling the country and those of us who are responsible and informed citizens footing the bill for ourselves and the ignorant.<br />
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The right to an equal education for black children was literally purchased with the blood of the fathers and grandfathers of the black children who are choosing to walk out of school and turn instead to a life of crime or complete dependence on the social welfare network.<br />
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Of course, these children are not alone in their ignorance of the realities of life. Somewhere along the way, the generations who faught, bled and died to do away with segregation and promote racial equality forgot the full context of Dr. King's dream. Dr. King said, "<b><i>I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character</i></b>." In too many minds this dream of Dr. King's has been shortened to, "<i style="font-weight: bold;">I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin." </i> The condition of character has long since been forgotten in favor of stoking the eternal flames of racism.<br />
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Somehow, black parents who faught so nobly for basic civil rights, allowed their children and grandchildren to fail to rise to the level of education and work ethic that is required to maintain a working society. Blacks, especially black men, walked away from the black churches which had been the heart and soul of the Civil Rights Movement. Black culture fell victim to the drug culture as well as to the single parent culture. Black children born out of wedlock is now almost 75%. Boys raised without a good male role model will grow up to father children for whom they can never be a decent role model.<br />
<br />
And to make matters worse, virtually none of the increasing number of black millionaires and even larger community of highly successful black business men and women who have proved that race is no barrier at all to success in this country have bothered to mentor the present generation of fatherless black children and teach them the value of education, hard work, self respect and love of country. For the most part, these successful blacks live in their own comfortable world. It seems their attitude is, "I got mine the hard way. You can damn sure do the same."<br />
<br />
And white society is <i style="font-weight: bold;">not </i>immune to this process of systemic and systematic degeneration. It is happening there too. It's just that white society was a little better established than black society and had further to fall to reach the bottom, but the fall is underway. It shows in the fact that there is no longer much of a white middle class. White society is now largely divided into two halves. One an educated upper class who pay taxes, work hard to educate their children and prepare them for success in the modern world. The other, an under class of uneducated or under educated who barely scrapes by and is loosing ground with each passing year. I see this in my own extended family. Many of my cousins will never reach the level of success their parents enjoyed. Their social status is in reverse. Somehow the white underclass has been overwhelmed by the demands that are part and parcel of the American dream in which each successive generation builds a better life than that enjoyed by their fathers.<br />
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For too many in present day America, basic ignorance is ok. It's even celebrated. Who needs to know who the Secretary of State is anyway? Who needs to know where Korea is located? Who really needs an education anyway? Isn't everyone <i style="font-weight: bold;">entitled</i> to his or her opinion whether they are educated or not and whether they have the slightest bit of intellectual gravitas to support their opinion?<br />
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Thomas Jefferson, probably the most revered of the founding fathers next to George Washington said at the beginning of the 19th century, "<b><i>An educated citizenry is a vital requisite for our survival as a free people</i></b>." Today, many twenty something year olds cannot name a single one of the founding fathers. They think the 19th century ended thirteen years ago, and they never heard of Thomas Jefferson. Jefferson was one of the best educated people of his generation. God help us if he was right about the vital requisite to our survival! We no longer have an educated citizenry of voters. We have become and are becoming more and more a citizenry of ignorant and uneducated fools who have never had a serious thought cross their brains.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BkRPTSBRW_Y/UiaMBOJWz6I/AAAAAAAAM_c/lbX23w1E1RM/s1600/th-1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; display: inline !important; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BkRPTSBRW_Y/UiaMBOJWz6I/AAAAAAAAM_c/lbX23w1E1RM/s1600/th-1.jpeg" /></a>Our heroes are Milly Cyrus and foul<br />
mouthed rappers who cannot string a cogent sentence together. Who in the hell was John Glenn or George Patton? Who in the hell cares? There is nothing to learn from the past. The only thing that counts is having fun today. Isn't that the truth?<br />
<br />
Fortunately, I am provided some hope for the future by a few young friends of mine. One is a young man who is just 31 years old. In spite of his tender age, he is married to a beautiful woman whom he loves and supports. At 31, he is already pulling down an annual salary in excess of 100K. But he is just beginning to fulfill the goals he has set for himself. Betterment for himself and his family is his constant concern. He finds fulfillment in the work he does for his company. He enjoys knowing that he makes a difference in the world. In addition to working for a paycheck, he volunteers a great deal of his time to help young people who are just beginning their careers. I haven't told him yet, that not only the survival of his family but the very survival of America is on his shoulders and the shoulders of the minority of American young people who are his equal.<br />
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My worry is there are not going to be enough young people like him to support those who have made the choice to drink, dance, do drugs and wile away their lives on someone else's dime as long as the good times roll. Who needs responsibility? The government should take care of us. The Constitution or some old document somewhere, says we're all equal. I have my rights! That pretty well sums up the attitudes of the congenitally ignorant who are so prevalent in number these days.<br />
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And it's not just Americans who are so predominately ignorant these days. In too many places around the world American young men and women are sacrificing and dying for freedom and democracy in<br />
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foreign lands while their party minded ignorant brothers stay home where mama can wash their underwear and dad can foot their bills.<br />
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With the blood of American soldiers, we give oppressed people around the world the power of the vote; and what do they do with it? They elect Islamic radicals who openly abhor freedom, and then they blame their failure to achieve freedom and prosperity on America, the great satan.<br />
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Nero (an old Roman guy) is said to have fiddled while Rome burned. Whether or not that actually happened is disputed; but there is no dispute at all that the American Congress, Executive Branch and Judicial Branch are fiddling while this country falls to the ground all around us.<br />
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Congress has not passed a meaningful law of any kind in over a year. The Executive Branch is printing trillions of dollars in new money to cover up the fact that the country is broke. Trillions of dollars in worthless paper cannot be injected into the economy without the bill coming due at some point. But who cares about the economy. What is "economy"? The government has money. It's free. Why shouldn't I get my share?<br />
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The Judicial Branch concerns itself more with social engineering than making sure that the rule of law is sound and supportive of the American culture for which our founding fathers gave all their worldly possessions and sometimes their very lives.<br />
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Alfred Lord Tennyson (a really old English guy whose been dead 121 years) (what could he have known that's relevant today) once said, "<b><i>Blind and naked ignorance delivers brawling judgements, unashamed on all things all day long</i></b>." Ain't it the truth? Jessy Waters proves it every week on <u>Waters World</u>. Does it count that I'm ashamed for them?<br />
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If you're under thirty-five, here's a sure fire recipe for your future success.<br />
<br />
<ol>
<li>Just be half way competent and somewhat enthusiastic. </li>
<li>Show a modicum of respect for those who are older and have proved their ability to prosper. </li>
<li>Never fall for the myth perpetrated upon the last two generations by the liberal elites that America is indeed the great satan of the world. </li>
<li>Don't be ashamed to love your country. </li>
<li>Never fail to recognize how, in spite of the fact it is the greatest country the world has ever known, there is always room for improvement and that improvement can, in fact must, begin with you.</li>
</ol>
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Do these 5 things. Live by them. You'll be rewarded monetarily, socially and spiritually. You'll go far in life while your brothers and sisters who have decided to live for today and not worry about tomorrow fall into early graves, poverty and/or despair.</div>
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With ignorance in bold relief all around you, a humble display of these 5 things will take you far, very far in life whether your bisexual, gay or straight. <b><i>Increasingly, the world is in fact (regardless of those who are too blind, too ignorant and too self absorbed to see it) moving to embrace Dr. King's dream. More and more, people don't give a damn about who you sleep with or what color your skin is. They are willing to judge you on your character and your ability to contribute to the good of the country and its people.</i></b></div>
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<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
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The downside of this increasing willingness of Americans to judge people by their character is judgement of those with no character will be brutal. Those judged lacking, whether they are white or black, will be properly considered outcasts. And until they choose to change their ways, such judgement is fair. It is not racist. In fact, one of the most often seen acts of flagrant racism these days is playing the race card in the face of properly applied judgement.</div>
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<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
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<b><i>For those with good character and the willingness to apply the 5 principles llisted above, a good and prosperous life is yours for the taking. </i></b></div>
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<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
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Jack Scott</div>
<br />
<br />Jack Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08273576581155029176noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703298219148864437.post-39942255947491350902013-08-20T08:00:00.000-05:002013-08-20T08:00:03.982-05:00So You're Bisexual or Gay and Married - Now What?<div style="text-align: justify;">
I've spent years writing to gay and bisexual men encouraging them to look at their lives with a large dose of introspection and strive to come to peace with who they are. I'm always pleased when I get letters from these guys telling me I've been helpful to them; but I never really get to know how much they have actually accomplished because I've never met them in person and I don't have the luxury of staying in touch with them over a period of years to see how it all turns out. Sometimes I'm pretty confident a guy has really gotten his act together and will stay on course to a better life. Sometimes I'm fearful a guy has ultimately been overwhelmed and ended up in very bad circumstances.</div>
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I have had the good fortune to have worked with a small number of men personally and one on one to encourage them to take action to change their lives. I'm happy to say none of the men with whom I've been able to work with personally have failed to make significant changes in their lives and find happiness at levels previously unknown to them. For the most part, at levels they were previously unable to imagine.</div>
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Changing one's life patterns is not an easy thing to do. It takes years of hard work and the willingness to never give up. It takes both the inner courage to step into the unknown and the emotional stability and</div>
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courage to function in a time of transition in which every value one has ever held is being rexamined, updated or jettisoned.<br />
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Such a task is so difficult that I am not surprised at all that the people who do the best are the people who have personal support to fall back upon. Changing one's life long view of himself is no easy task. Most guys simply do not have the tenacity to do it on their own. I think I was able to do it because I had the good fortune to be raised by a mother who taught me to question everything and by a father who taught me never to give up. It didn't hurt that I was inquisitive by nature and a "Type A" personality who was never satisfied with the status quo. Even so, it took me many years to affect the change because I was very much alone and had no one to talk to or to give me advice.</div>
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I don't take meddling in people's lives for granted. It often gnaws at my conscience to know that in spite of my best intentions, what I have said to someone could end up opening the doors to tragedy for him. Reclaiming one's life from the wrong path is no easy process. I'm always afraid some guy has absorbed just enough of what I've tried to tell him to get himself in even more trouble, but not nearly enough to get his life on a new and successful path.</div>
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I've spent so many years trying to get guys to change the direction of their lives, I was surprised a couple of years ago when I began to hear more and more from guys who have found renewed happiness in another way. It's a complicated thing, as it always is when human sexuality is concerned, but basically these guys have not so much changed the direction of their lives as they have reexamined their lives, their wants, needs and circumstances. They have decided to be satisfied with what they have and choose to be happy, rather than take a risk that might lead to the loss of everything they worked for all their lives.</div>
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More often than not, these guys have experienced all the pain, anger and sense of not fitting in anywhere that I experienced while trying to understand myself. However, for reasons that differ somewhat with each man, once they came to know themselves as either married gay guys or married bisexual guys, the knowing and the self acceptance were enough for them. They felt no irresistible compulsion to explore a new life style of sexual intimacy with both men and women. At first, I was skeptical. Based on my own experience, I couldn't really believe such a thing possible. But as more and more men described their experiences to me, I had no choice but to see what they were doing as a real alternative reaction to dealing with one's sexuality and circumstance. In fact, not only was it a real alternative, in some cases it seemed to be a very wise alternative.</div>
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I have often spoken of a close friend of mine in my writings, using him as an example of one thing or another. His way of dealing with his own homosexuality helps to illustrate one side of the point I am getting to. He was married for 25 years. These were, he has often told me, the worst and most unhappy 25 years of his life. For all of the 25 years he was miserable in his marriage. It wasn't that he and his wife didn't have many of the trappings of a good marriage. They had more than most. They had one of the nicer homes in town set on a large acreage. He was making in excess of 100K a year in a job he loved. In the 25 years they had conceived three living children who were bright, well adjusted and a source of real pride. I have no doubt, even today, had his wife been a different type of person, he would have never left her. But as it was, she was demanding, controlling, unappreciative, snippy, quick to see something bad in every situation and unwilling to ever see the good in any situation. Living as a married homosexual man was bad enough for my friend, but living as a homosexual man married to an unrepentant bitch was simply too much for him. His wife was exactly like her mother, and he knew that with each passing year she would get harder to live with just as did her mother. His father-in-law dealt with it all by simply giving up. He never voiced an opinion. When she told him to jump his only question was, "how high shall I jump dear?" And my friend saw that his mother-in-law still talked about her husband like he was a dog. She was simply unable to have respect for anyone or anything. He couldn't see himself playing the role of his father-in-law.</div>
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When he made the decision to come out of the closet and live his life openly as a gay man, he first told his siblings, then his parents. Next he told his children saving his wife until the last. He had expected support from everyone except his father and his wife. Much to his surprise, his father was also supportive. He had not misjudged his wife however. Her anger and rage knew no boundaries. She physically assaulted him. She screamed and cried and carried on simply refusing to accept any of it. The problem was, she made it clear she was more concerned with what their friends would think than she was concerned with anything else.</div>
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My friend is a big strong guy. He could have easily defended himself from the physical assaults, but he knew better than to touch her and give her cause to involve the police, a situation that would likely land him in jail. Instead, he simply walked away from it all with just the clothes on his back. He left her the house, the cars, the bank accounts, everything. He left the house with a single suitcase of this things. </div>
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In the over six years of their separation, he has continued to send money every month. In fact, he sends the major part of his income to his ex wife and his kids. He has put one through college. The middle child will complete her college studies in 2014 and the youngest will begin college that year. Mike has sacrificed to get them through college and keep their mother in the house in which they grew up. Not every man would have been so generous with her. I'm afraid I fall into that category. But he was determined to be more than fair.</div>
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Had she been a different type of woman, I'm convinced he would have taken a different route, as I mentioned above; and that is exactly what I have heard from other men.</div>
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Over the last couple of years a number of men have shared with me their own reactions in the aftermath of coming to understand and accept their homosexuality or their bisexuality. Denial, or failure to</div>
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understand that they were different, had been a lifelong bitter pill for them. Strangely though, coming to know and to accept, in and of itself, seemed to bring peace to these men. Just knowing somehow seemed enough. As usual in this era, these are men who always knew they were somehow different from other men; but who, 40 to 50 years ago had no choice but to get married and raise a family if they wanted a successful life. It was what society expected and demanded at the time. Luckily for these men it had, in many ways, worked out for them. They loved their wives, they loved their kids and grandkids. They had a successful career and a place in the community. In return, they were loved and respected by their wives.<br />
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They had come to realize, they were married gay or bisexual men; but they did not feel their new born acceptance of it gave them license to chuck it all and go on a spree of any kind. Their were people they loved, people who looked up to them and respected them for whom they had real love and concern. This included their wives who had loved them, supported them and stood buy them through the years and been a mother to their children.</div>
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In the end, these men had been wise enough to do a simple risk-reward analysis of their options rather</div>
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than just run head long into the unknown of a new life. It didn't take them long to see that the risks they would incur far outweighed the possible rewards in a new and unknown path. It is not that there are not long term successful gay relationships, there certainly are; but they are certainly not yet the norm. Why, these men reasoned, give up a happy long term relationship for the unknown at a time in their life when sexual performance and stamina was on the downturn anyway?<br />
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For the bisexual men, the reasoning was much the same. Some I talked to had very enjoyable and substantial sexual relationships with their wives; and they loved their wives. Others were in marriages in which, for both partners, sex had become less than necessary; yet the partners were still committed and loving companions who enjoyed each other company and the entitlements of being the parents of grown children as well as the joys of grandchildren. Why rock the boat? The risks simply outweighed the possible rewards.</div>
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My friend was not the only man I knew well who would have made a different decision had he been blessed with the benefits of a loving and supportive wife. My friend Bill was in the exact same position. From the first, Bill had know that his marriage was not a real marriage in any sense of the word. There was nothing common to a husband and wife that he and his wife had except for the fact that they lived in the same house and had children together. But the children were long gone and he and his wife lived in separate parts of the house. They had no contact with each other except what was necessary for the running of the house. They lived separate lives together. There was no love, no emotional closeness, no joy. No mutual support. Had it been different, Bill more likely than not, would have lived out his life as a married gay man.</div>
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As it is both of my friends are now out and happy for the first times in their lives living with their gay partners. Bill is finding out daily the common joy that comes with living with someone who loves him. It is a life he had never known in the past.</div>
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As for my other friend, he has very little money of his own now, but he has a good job and a partner he loves. He does not regret the loss of the material things he walked away from. He feels he got the best end of the deal by far. His life is far from perfect, but it is a life which makes him happy.</div>
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One of the things I have come to see clearly over the last 20 years is, there is no supreme rule for married guys who are gay or bisexual which, if they follow it, will assure their happiness. Instead I have come to see every man should be wise enough to do his own risk-reward assessment and make very careful decisions concerning the rest of his life. I have seen all to often the tragedy that comes from failing to do such an assessment.</div>
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I have done few things in my life without careful assessment and lots of thought and planning. Handling my own bisexuality was no exception. Unlike the two friends I have mentioned, I was blessed with a very happy</div>
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marriage and a wife who loves me dearly. We enjoyed a sex life that rocked our worlds. It never seemed to get old or boring. I did make the decision to experiment with my desires for male/male sex. I found it to be enjoyable, but I found it did nott hold a candle to what I had at home. For me a male/male relationship was much more about having a valued and trusted male friend than anything else. I was lucky enough to have a couple of long term relationships in which the bond between us was important. But in the end it was not lasting. I was also blessed to have a wife who I knew would cut me some slack, if she ever found out my secrets. I was not wrong about that.<br />
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Now, I have reached the point in my life due to health issues beyond my control in which sex of any </div>
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kind is not possible for me. I would have once thought I'd rather be dead than be in this position. I was wrong about that. Life is still good. My wife and I are still very much in love. We've found that love really has little to do with sex in the long run. It has much more to do with true friendships, mutual interests and a common outlook on life.<br />
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In addition, I still have close and intimate friendships with the two friends I've mentioned and a couple of other guys. These are not sexual relationships but just true friendships built on their own type of love and the mutual benefits that spring from such relationships.</div>
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Had I given up my "straight" life, I would have given up way too much indeed. Had I not come to understand my bisexuality and come to be at peace with it, I would have settled for way too little in my life. As it was I achieved the right balance for me.</div>
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One guy put a lot of it in perspective for me when he told me he had come to realize that millions of straight men see a lot of women whom they are sexually attracted to; but they don't pursue the attraction because they take their marriage vows seriously. Further more, they genuinely care about their spouses happiness and peace of mind. They care about retaining her trust. Therefore they make do with, just enjoying the eye candy and continuing to get their needs met at home. It can be the same way with a married gay or bisexual man. There is nothing wrong with looking and appreciating. Really nothing wrong with even a little lust. It can add fire to the primary relationship with the wife.</div>
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My wife and I travel a lot. In a few days we will be heading to Europe to see many of the treasures there. I'll never own art treasures or treasured antiquities; but fortunately, I don't have to own them to enjoy them. I can look for free. So it is for married gays and bisexuals who have decided that acting on their male/male desires is just too risky. They can look all they want for free and maintain the enjoyment and bonds of love and trust in their marriage when the marriage is a good one.</div>
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When I was sexually active with other men, I was a careful as I could possibly be to ensure my health and safety. But as it seems to be with everything these days, things are just getting more and more complex and difficult. There was once, not so long ago, comfort in the fact that if one did slip up, miracle antibiotics would put all back right. Now there are more and more of the super bugs which have increasing levels of resistance to even our most powerful antibiotics.</div>
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Once, not so long a go, a careful guy could spot the signs of STD's and steer clear. That is no long possible. For many of the present day STD's there is no sign whatsoever. They hide in plain sight ready to destroy one's life, maybe soon or maybe years down the road. It is a risk which simply cannot be accurately assessed, a risk which is better just avoided.</div>
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More and more, I talk to gay guys or bisexual guys who are joining their partners in complete medical workups before they have unprotected sex. I think these guys are doing the right thing these days. At the same time, I see a bigger number of guys who simply live for today thinking they are bullet proof. It's a fools game. I'm old enough to have lost a number of friends to AIDS. The threat is mitigated now, but it is not absent and even if the right against AIDS is won, there are plenty of other life changing or life threatening STDS out there to take its place.</div>
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To me it all simply adds up that simple risk-reward assessments should be the norm for any sexually active person. It is so much easier to ruin one's life that it is to put it back together.</div>
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My experience has taught me that identifying and coming to terms with our sexuality is a must. However, once that task is accomplished, there are many paths to happiness and fulfillment. The problem is, for any given individual, there is, more likely than not, only a single path that will lead to personal happiness and fulfillment. For a married man who has come to understand and accept his sexuality, the second task is to carefully assess and examine the possible path to determine the best one for himself and for those he loves.<br />
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Men of a certain age, made choices years ago. It is not too late for them to make wholesale changes in their lives without wrecking or damaging the lives of others. I'm certainly not adverse to men making the changes when their situation is no longer bearable, but that is not usually the case. For me, I would be lost now if I had chosen to end my marriage. I could have never replace the love and support I enjoy with my wife. It would have been so sad for me to give up what I spent a life time building simply to die alone.<br />
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So, you're married; but you're not straight. What now? Well, the answer might be closer to home than you think. It might also involve a brand new start. Think carefully, for men over 50 you'll probably live out your life with the choices you make now, good or bad!</div>
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Jack Scott</div>
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Jack Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08273576581155029176noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703298219148864437.post-41656099344299145212013-08-13T08:16:00.000-05:002013-08-13T16:40:01.707-05:00Prayers for Bobby<u>Prayers for Bobby</u> starring Sigourney Weaver was released in 2009. It had long been on my Netflix list<br />
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and it came to the top of the least this last weekend. It is based on the true story of Mary and Robert Griffith's reaction upon finding that their young teen-age son was a homosexual.<br />
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In many ways Bobby Griffith was the perfect son. He was loving and kind hearted with a quick smile. He dreamed of one day being a writer. Perhaps because he was the oldest of her two sons, he was his mother's favorite among her fours children.<br />
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Bobby was outgoing and popular in his school, but as he started dating his personal doubts about himself began to wear on his mind more and more. When it became clear to him that the girl he was dating had reached the point of wanting more from him than he was interested in giving, he abruptly ended the relationship shocking her and their mutual friends as well as his family.<br />
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In the ensuing weeks Bobby's demeanor continued to deteriorate to the point that it became noticeable to his friends and family. Finally, in desperation, Bobby confided in his younger brother and told him he was gay. He extracted a promise from his brother to keep his secret. His brother was supportive and tried to reassure Bobby that he was too young to know for sure that he was in fact gay.<br />
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In reality his brother was shocked and concerned. Bobby obviously was in a personal crisis and he had no idea what to do, so in spite of his promise to Bobby, he told his mother what Bobby had admitted to him.<br />
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It was 1982; the public perception of homosexuality was far different than it is today. Bobby's mother was a devout yet lazy unquestioning fundamental Christian. She took the Bible, at least the parts of it she was familiar with, literally. She depended on her preacher to tell her what she should know of God and what she should believe and not believe. In other words, she was typical of the tens of thousands of fundamental Christians who have no desire whatsoever to think for themselves and look for a personal relationship with God. Like all people who are content with their fundamentalist view of God, it never occurred to Mary Griffith to question anything about her faith. To do so, in her mind, would be to question God himself. It just wasn't done.<br />
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Robert Griffith, Bobby's father, and Bobby's three siblings were all supportive of Bobby. At least as supportive as they could be without incurring the wrath of Bobby's mother. Just as Mary Griffith blindly followed the pronouncements of her preacher on spiritual matters, the family bowed to Mary Griffith in matters of theology. Even Bobby could not really bring himself to question his mother's views on homosexuality. He wanted to be a good son. He wanted his family to be proud of him. Most of all he feared going to Hell. It didn't seem fair to him that he would be condemned to an eternal hell for something he simply could not change. Bobby was trapped between an irresistible force and an unmovable object - his mother's religious view of homosexuality. Because he respected his mother he felt she was right in thinking he was bound for Hell.<br />
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The Griffiths were a well to do middle class family. They had the resources to get Bobby help, and they did so. The only problem was that in spite of the fact that the American Psychotherapy Association had <b><i>declassified</i></b> homosexuality as deviate behavior in 1973, nine years later there were still plenty of so called therapists who subscribed to the idea supported by Mary's church - homosexuality was a choice and homosexuals could be <i style="font-weight: bold;">healed</i>. All they had to do was pray earnestly to God for healing and have an earnest desire for healing. The therapist, instead of helping Bobby was just one more nail in his coffin. No one was truly on his side. Everyone and everything was either aligned against him or unwilling to offend the religious culture or polite society's perceptions of what was acceptable.<br />
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Though Bobby wanted nothing more than to please his mother, it reached the point where they could <i style="font-weight: bold;">not</i> have a normal conversation. She vowed that she would <b><i>not</i></b> have a homosexual son. All Bobby saw was hate in her actions. He did not understand how his mother or other Christians could separate their hatred of homosexuality from hatred for homosexuals.<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Real Life Bobby Griffith</td></tr>
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Every time she saw him his mother peppered him with Bible verses she saw as condemning homosexuality. Every time he came home she grilled him about where he had been and if he had been with homosexuals. She pasted Bible verses warning of the wrath of God all over his room. In reality, she was doing all this out of misguided love for her son. She had no idea, at the time, that her misguided love would have tragic consequences.<br />
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Things at home kept getting worse and worse. Bobby finally dropped out of high school and moved to a new town to live with a cousin. This cousin was very openly supportive of Bobby, but it was not enough. Bobby continued to be haunted by the disapproval of the people who meant the most to him, his mother and his family. In 1983 Bobby jumped from a bridge onto a busy freeway to end his torment.<br />
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His family was devastated, for their love for Bobby had been as real as their desire to see him healed of his homosexuality. Among Bobby's things, Mary Griffith found literature from the <a href="http://wikipedia.org/wiki/Metropolitan_Community_Church" target="_blank">Metropolitan Community Church</a>. Tormented and broken by genuine grief, Mary Griffith sought out the paster of the church. She was amazed that a Protestant minister did not share her views on homosexuality and even more amazed that unlike her and her own pastor, did not see the Bible as the literal world of God. She was utterly unable to believe that he encouraged the members of his church to question God and thought that such questioning was pleasing to God. She was repelled from this first meeting with the MCC Pastor in shock and revulsion. But her torment drove her back for a second meeting. The Pastor encouraged her to look into <a href="http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=194&srcid=-2" target="_blank">PFLAG</a> (Parents, Family and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). At first she could not imagine families who were actually proud of their gay sons; but again, her torment and grief drove her to investigate the organization.<br />
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Gradually, Mary Griffith began to comprehend that there were other views than that of her church on homosexuality. But with this new comprehension came the bitter realization that she had killed her own son with her rigid, blind, unyielding and uninformed views on a subject she really knew little about and about which she had sought information from only one source until it was too late to help the son she had loved so dearly.<br />
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Fortunately for Mary, she found the understanding and forgiveness she had denied to her son. She had not been able to save her own son because she had not thought to look beyond the ignorance enshrined in her faith. Over and over Bobby had pleaded with her to just listen to him, but she never did. She just assaulted him over and over with the Bible and her own misconceptions of the Gospel (Good News) of Christ. To her credit, after Bobby's death, she vowed to do all she could to prevent other such useless deaths.<br />
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She became a member of PFLAG. She addressed school boards, state legislators and the Congress of the United States. She wrote books and cooperated in the filming of Bobby's life story. But 30 years after Bobby's senseless death and the loss of what would have surely been a productive life, suicide by young homosexual men continues at tragic rates. In spite of the fact that many main stream Protestant Churches now genuinely welcome gays and lesbians into their memberships and support them in their search for a loving rather than a hateful God, the face of Christianity across the United States and the world is the face portrayed by the right wing judgmental fundamentalist Christians who, like Mary once did, cling to their worship of a hateful God who just happens to hate the same things they do and ignore the sins they commit just as they themselves do.<br />
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Fortunately, in our society at large, much has changed since 1983. There is hardly a home across America that has not been touched by a gay person who has come out of the closet. There are sons, grandsons, fathers, brothers, and nephews who have acknowledged their homosexuality to their families. Homosexuals are no longer <i style="font-weight: bold;">those</i> people. Instead it is now clear they are the people we love most in the world. Homosexuals are our family members.<br />
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I had an aunt whom I loved dearly. After my mother's death at a much too young an age, my aunt became like a mother to me. But like Mary Griffith she was a fundamental Christian and rigid in her beliefs. When her daughter married into an emotionally and physically abusive relationship and then had the good sense to divorce, my aunt, for the first time in her life, began to question the tenets of her faith and how they impacted the real life situations of those she loved. As a result, she became much less rigid, more open to the nuances of faith and less sure she knew the mind of God. So it is with homosexuality. When parents are confronted with the homosexuality of a child, they often begin to really examine their rigid views and often change them. That has happened recently with a U.S. Congressman. A Republican Conservative was told by his own son that he was gay. It changed the way the Congressman felt and the way he voted.<br />
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Unfortunately, many fundamental Christians do not have the courage to follow my aunt's example; or, like Mary Griffith, they continue to force those they love most in the world into committing some tragic act before they really examine their opinions and beliefs. They continue to remain ignorant about homosexuality, what it is and what it isn't.<br />
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My friend Mike is a good example of the type of young man Mary Griffith often spoke of after Bobby's death. Mike was big, strong, handsome and athletic. He was a popular student who was also the valedictorian of his graduating class. He was the all-American young man. Since Bobby's death, Mary Griffith has warned fundamental Christians, <b><i>"Before you echo 'Amen' in your home or place of worship, think and remember…a child is listening."</i></b><br />
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Mike was one of those listening. When I met him almost 20 years ago, he was just about to become another of those tragic suicides carried out by homosexual young men. For reasons I still do not fully understand, God intervened in Mike's life and arranged for me to meet him though we lived more than 1500 miles apart. I now believe my entire life had been preparation for meeting Mike and ultimately saving his life by introducing him to the loving God I had come to know in my own life's journey - a God utterly different from the <b><i>Baptist God</i></b> who had been used to assault me over and over again in my youth and also utterly different from the <b><i>Presbyterian God</i></b> who had convinced Mike that, like Bobby Griffith, he was destined for the fires of Hell.<br />
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The truth is, there is no Baptist God and no Presbyterian God. Those Gods are the boogy men of the ignorant, the lazy unquestioning and those uneducated in true faith. Those Gods are the false idols of the God about whom the Apostle Paul wrote in Romans 8: 38-39:<br />
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<b><i><span style="color: blue;">"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."</span></i></b><br />
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The words from Romans are in plain English, but fundamental Christians, instead of accepting the grace of God, of which the words speak as a simple fact, still insist on responding, <b><i>"Yes, but…."</i></b> That response continues to tragically cost the Bobby Griffiths of the world their lives and their futures. It is a sin for which they, more than likely, shall eventually be judged.<br />
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My faith is and always has been important to me, but even as a child, the time came when a child's faith was no longer adequate for me. I began to question, to doubt and to search.<br />
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Now as an old man, close to the time when I shall meet my maker, I continue to question, doubt, search and wonder. I have no idea what God is really like other than that if he exists at all, he exists in the spirit of love, compassion and understanding.<br />
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It does not bother me that people question or even refuse to believe, for as a life long Christian, I too continue to have my doubts and my questions. The God of the Bible, as the fundamentalists interpret it, simply fails to meet test. Yet even in my doubts I have never felt that God is angry with me or is threatening me with eternal hell fire. Indeed, my life is and always has been richly blessed. God or fate has been unbelievably kind to me. Romans says <i style="font-weight: bold;">"nothing" </i>can come between me and God. Nothing has to include, by definition, my doubts, fears and questions.<br />
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At the times when I dwell most on my questioning, it never fails that God reassures me of his presence and his love. Either that or my life has contained an entirely improbable number of coincidences. Over the last several weeks I have been very concerned with the fears of a friend who nearing the end of his life. He has expressed his fears to me several times. I have told him how I avoid such fears, but I'm just his friend. My words are just my words, based on my faith.<br />
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I asked God to help me know how to help him to allay his fears. This week that request was answered in the most unusual, improbable and entirely unexpected way. Either it was God answering that request or it was one of the grandest and elaborate coincidences I have ever seen in my long life of seeming grand and elaborate perfectly orchestrated coincidences. From what I have seen in my life, God does not mind our questioning. He sees it as a proof of our interest and our desire for faith and assurance.<br />
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The Bible is an important book, but it is also a dangerous book in the wrong hands. For those who blindly try to follow it, led by those who are also blind by choice, the Bible often brings untold tragedy. Bobby Griffith was just one of the tragic victims of a misused Bible and a misguided faith. There have been millions over the course of history.<br />
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The Bible was written by men who were influenced by the times in which they lived and the events that shaped their lives. Thus, just as does humanity as a whole, the Bible encapsulates the worst of man as well as man at his best and everything in between. It offers examples in life and in allegories of life. Parts of it are truly inspired, yet much of it is truly depraved. <br />
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Because it was written in another time, it makes heroes of men and their deeds who would be arrested and convicted of the most heinous crimes today. The story of Abraham and his son is but one of several examples.<br />
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Those who would truly follow God should make sure they are following the God of grace and love and not a God of hate, vengeance and wrath. The true God commands us to love one another unconditionally. It's not a hard concept to understand. Elvis Presley put it in modern language when he sang, "Clean up your own back yard. You tend to your business and I'll tend to mine." Jesus said it differently, <b><i>"Ye who is without sin cast the first stone."</i></b><br />
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Those who would avoid the worship of a false God, must be willing to think for themselves, to question and study on their own. They must get second opinions from other recognized theologians.<br />
There are innumerable views of God. It's wise to bet on the God of Grace and Love, not the God of hate and vengeance. When deciding on a church home it is wise to choose one where the members support each other and support their community in a spirit of brotherly love. A church where a particular "sin" is not the main topic of discussion. The Bible says sin is sin and we are <i style="font-weight: bold;">all </i>sinners. People who believe that simply cannot get hung up on one "sin" such as homosexuality. Mary Griffith, saw her son as a sinner. She did not see her sins as equal to his. It is a universal failing of all fundamental Christians. God saw the sins of Mary Griffith and her son as equal, because in his eyes all sins are equal. Mary's failure is a universal failure of <i style="font-weight: bold;">all </i>fundamental Christians, both Protestant and Catholic. In Catholic theology there are moral sins and venial sins. Venial sins are forgivable. Mortal sins send one to Hell. The only problem is, the Bible makes it clear there are no such things. There is simply sin and all sin is forgivable by the Grace of God.<br />
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Homosexuality is real. It is not a choice. There is no clear theological evidence that homosexuality is inherently sinful. Homosexuals can live productively and contribute greatly to society. All that says to me that homosexuality is a gift of God, created for a purpose. Homosexuality can not be prayed away. It cannot be cured. In her overwhelming grief, Mary Griffith came to see God had not healed Bobby of his homosexuality because He had given it to Bobby as a gift and for a purpose. He did not need to be healed because he was not ill. In the depths of her grief, Mary Griffith came to understand that she was the one who had sinned by not supporting her son, letting him live in peace and come to be the exceptional and productive person God had meant for him to be.</div>
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Bobby Griffith died because his own mother and his own church decided to cast stones at him rather than love him unconditionally. It is most likely not lost on Mary Griffith that her son would have been better off had she been a non-believer than he was being raised by the Christian she was in the 1980's. How utterly tragic for Mary Griffith! How very tragic for Bobby!<br />
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Jack Scott</div>
Jack Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08273576581155029176noreply@blogger.com2