There is no one way to "do something" about your life. For some of you it might mean a divorce. For others it might mean coming out to your wife and agreeing on some arrangement you both can live with. For most of you it may mean deciding that you will carve out private time for yourself and a buddy within your life and spend discreet time with him.
All of these options have worked for guys that I have come to know very well over the years. Have I known guys who have failed in their attempt at fulfillment? Yes, I have; but they are far fewer in number than those who have succeeded.
To succeed you have to make a rational choice of action, not an idealistic one. You have to be careful to continue to fulfill your responsibilities to your family even in divorce. You have to keep your head about you. No one can ever find fulfillment in unbridled hedonism. Thinking one can do so is, perhaps, the most common mistake guys make.
As I approach the winter of my life, the greatest satisfaction I have is that I lived my life well. I fulfilled my responsibilities to my family, my job, my faith and myself. Did I do it perfectly? No, I'm not a Saint. But I did it well enough that my life and the lives I care about most around me have been successful and fulfilling. What more could one ask? The winter of my life would be bleak had I failed to live my life as I did. As it is, though my hope is for many more years, I can face death with a sense of satisfaction that I lived a full and eventful life. I found myself, and I helped others to do the same. It is very satisfying to me.
My faith hopes for a life beyond this one that will bring an entirely new world to enjoy. My mind tells me this life could very well be all any of us will ever have. If my mind proves to have come to the correct interpretation, I'm glad I lived my life to the fullest. If my faith turns out to be vindicated, I have nothing to fear. I lived the life I was meant to live. I lived for me, but I stopped to help others along the way. I carried out my responsibilities plus a little bit more. My faith tells me Heaven is not for saints alone, but also for those who muddled through mostly on the good side of life, those who stood up to and met the challenges.
I urge each of you to take time in the new year to really think about your lives. What could you do better? What needs to change?
Whether you're a bisexual man who needs to figure out what to do with the rest of your life or a woman who has come to think she might be married to a gay or bisexual man, nothing is ever accomplished by turning a blind eye and pretending it just isn't so. Little is ever accomplished in hatefulness and anger either. Find a way to face the issue critically and with a hope to find compromise.
Jack Scott
