Frot & Frottage

The quintessential straight person who has never considered any type of sex as normal other than missionary position sex between a man and his wife often makes a big mistake by thinking that what they think of as abnormal sexual behavior can be labeled and separated into neat categories such as homosexuality and bisexuality.

Of course there is a bright side to being labeled homosexual or bisexual. Labels can be even more biting. Some less charitable straight people just label everyone else as perverts and let it go at that.

Having always from my earliest memories been an actively sexual person, I've paid a lot of attention to sex over the course of my life. I've studied it, read about it, observed it and participated in it on many different levels. I've found sexual behavior is almost as varied and multifarious as humanity itself.

I had the greatest of childhoods. It was filled with sexual camaraderie. Almost all the boys I grew up with were eager and willing participants in daily group sexual activities. It was so pervasive a part of life, I thought it to be the type of life every boy lived. I was surprised when, as an adult, I eventually developed sexual relationships with other adult men who told me they were, for the most part, unaware anything sexual in nature until they were 12 years old or even older. It was something I could not imagine.

Yet even in the charged sexual environment in which I came of age, there were differences among us. Looking back, the differences are more obvious to me now than they were at the time. The reality is, I didn't spend much time thinking about it all as a boy. I just enjoyed it.

I was an eager and willing participant. In fact, after my initiation into the group, in all honesty, I have to admit, I became an instigator. I simply couldn't get enough. I was always ready for more. Other boys were willing to play, but they would have been willing not to play too. It was a social thing for them. They did it because that is what the group did. I did it because I absolutely was in to it.

Within the group, most activity centered around simple masturbation. Generally, this was mutual masturbation where buddies would jerk each others cock either to orgasm or orgasm and emission. When I first became a part of the group at around age 6, emission was, of course, not possible for me; but orgasm was. It was those orgasms which compelled me. I've never used illegal drugs; but I suppose, I came to seek out the highs of orgasm just as a junky comes to seek his drug high.

Fellatio was not a group activity. It was always an activity which was engaged in privately and one on one. The same was true for anal sex. Anal sex was hardly ever even spoken of in the group except derisively; and it was always engaged in privately one on one. I was more than eager for oral activity. I loved sucking cock and having mine sucked;  and all through my school years, I had one or more suck buddies. However, anal sex did not interest me. It seemed like a dirty thing to do to me, and it wasn't like I wasn't having enough fun sexually without it. However, that said, one of my friends eventually talked me into topping him. I was big enough that he quickly decided the idea of being fucked was better than the reality of being fucked, and that was the only time I ever experienced anal activity as a kid. Later, in my first adult relationship, my buddy loved to be fucked and he got off on my big cock and liked it as rough and hard as I could make it. I found being a top was a very enjoyable experience with him; though with subsequent buddies, such activity again reverted back to not being a normal thing.

In my profession, travel was the norm. My travel was a little different from normal business travel in that there was a team of guys traveling together. We were all about the same age and had things in common other than our career. The constant traveling together brings guys close and we got to know each other very well. The relationship never took a sexual turn, but there was very little we didn't talk about. I, and I suspect one other guy, was a closeted bisexual guy. One was gay. All of us were or had been married. A few of us had had an extramarital affair with another woman. A couple of the guys made extramarital affairs and one night stands into an art form. For them it was a way of life. Most of the guys, however, were faithful to their wives and would never have thought of infidelity.

The point to all of this is that from my own experience and observation, human sexuality is dynamic. It almost defies the label of normality because human beings simply engage in an astounding variety of sexual activities.

My general philosophy has evolved to the point that I believe anything which does not harm oneself or another is within the realm of normal.

As a bisexual man, I have enjoyed a range of sexual behavior with my wife and with my buddies through the years. I've come to see that the range of activities vary for me depending on my partner. Different partners are good at different things and some can bring such talent and physical characteristics to the partnership that different things take on a whole new sense of enjoyment.

 A few years ago I was introduced to a philosophy I had not previously known of. It is actually an ancient philosophy that began to be revived in the last decade of the 20th century. It is called Frottage (rhymes with massage) or Frot (rhymes with hot). Frot is the contemporary philosophy of a man named Bill Weintraub.  Weintraub coined the word "Frot" to describe penis to penis non penetrative play between two adult men. This type of play is based on Frottage which was a part of many ancient warrior societies in which male bonding and male mentorship were encouraged. The word "Frottage" comes from the French word meaning "to rub." In French Frottage can have non sexual connotations, but in English the primary connotation is a sexual one.

Bill Weintraub and Luke Shelton have formed what they refer to as the Man2Man Alliance. The Man2Man Alliance considers Frot to be a manifestation of basic male biology. All males, they believe, are not only physically capable of giving and receiving sexual pleasure to each other through body to body and penis to penis contact; but also as males, they are hard wired to enjoy it.

At least in the Man2Man Alliance's form of Frottage, promiscuity is discouraged. While men are encouraged to be a part of a three person sexual group consisting of a man, his wife and his buddy.  I hasten to add that he wife participates sexually one with her husband in Frottage. The husband participates with both his wife and his buddy.

The alliance does not feel that bonded friendships between two men have to lead to sexual activity. They just recognize that quite often they do; and when the do, these sexual activities are not seen as aberrant in any way. In fact within the context of Frottage as male to male, penis to penis non penetrative sexual enjoyment, even the Biblical prohibition of a man not lying with another man as he lies with a woman is seen as not applicable to the situation. Frot men are not lying with a man as he does with a woman. There is no penetration with a woman, and women are incapable of penis to penis sexual enjoyment. Further, the Bible makes it crystal clear that Kind David loved Jonathan. In Frot philosophy, David and Jonathan were early examples of the biological norm for Frot practicing men.

Weintraub, a self identified gay man has never personally been into anal sex. In fact, he believes mutual jacking off, Frottage, oral sex anal sex between gay men were relatively equal pursuits among gay men until the last quarter of the 20th century when the gay culture was highjacked by radical right wing gays whose agenda it was to make anal sex synonymous with being gay. In his view, this right wing conspiracy has been a big success. Mutual jacking off, Frottage and oral sex have become simply types of foreplay that are subordinate to and lead up to the now essential act of anal intercourse.

There is actually much that appeals to me in the Frot and Frottage philosophies. Like them, I believe male/male sexual relationships are an essentially male acknowledgement of all things masculine. I believe such male to male sexual bonding is part of the biological definition of what it means to be a male; and I believe, the ability to build civilization itself was wrapped within the ability of men not only to fight each other as warriors, but to bond together as brother warriors and enjoy male/male sexuality.

Weintraub and his followers loose me philosophically simply because they are a little too militant for my taste. I'm not good at seeing conspiracies and I have trouble thinking that a right wing conspiracy of radical gay men would be able to completely change gay behavior and redefine the essence of homosexuality. I think instead the homosexual stereotype of guy fucking guy has become the face of homosexuality in the modern era due to mass communication and increased openness about all things gay.

My own view of anal sex is that no one who doesn't appreciate it will be forced to appreciate anal sex by the dictates of gay culture. I personally know of many gay men whose lives do not involve anal sex and they feel no pressure whatsoever to make it a part of their sexual play.

I think one has to be careful not to become so consumed by his own personal philosophy and by his own personal situation and circumstance that he tries to force it upon everyone else. I especially have a problem if one takes a militant course of action to force his reasonings on someone else. I plead guilty immediately to having strong personal opinions, but I am quick to recognize my personal opinions can be nothing more than considerations for others in dealing with their own sexuality.

In the straight side of my life, I watched (figuratively) as a couple of my professional colleagues fucked every woman they could get to. What I observed was that all the conquests didn't really make them happy. There was no bond, there was no love. There was only, in the end, the search for something they couldn't find. They were, as the country and western song, popular at the time said, "Looking for Love in All The Wrong Places." They never found it.

I know a number of promiscuous bisexual and homosexual guys. They cruise from guy to guy in a constant churning of bodies. They never find what they are looking for. They never stop the search because they don't realize what they are wanting, what they are needing, is to satisfy the biological need to bond with one other guy in a significant way.

One of the new trends in foods these days is fusion. As I understand it, fusion cooking takes a little from one culture and combines it with something radically different from another culture to come up with new and exciting things for our culinary enjoyment. I have come to believe the wise person does the same thing with life. He pulls what he likes from many different influences in his life and melds them into a mixture all his own and finds a buddy to share it all with.

I think the ideas behind Frot and Frottage are well worth getting acquainted with as homosexual and bisexual men. While I don't agree with Weintraub's militancy in trying to promote Frot as the only true expression of male/male sexuality, it could be that, in fact, he is right. Frot and Frottage are concepts that predate the concepts of homosexuality and bisexuality by thousands of years and the terms could cover all that is a part of the biological celebration of masculinity, of male/male sex and bonding.

Jack Scott