Monday, September 10, 2012

An Interesting Development

My friends and colleagues have always thought of me as the go to guy. If there was something they wanted said; but for some reason they were afraid to say it, they would bring it to me. Their theory was that I'd say anything to anyone.

That wasn't quite true, but it was true enough that it was a solid part of my reputation. While I wouldn't actually say anything, I'd say anything I believed needed to be said. And more often than not I would say it in a diplomatic way, though I was well aware that a shocking delivery sometimes had its place too.

I've said this before in other blog pieces, what really seemed strange to me was that my friends and colleagues never seemed to catch on to the fact that my willingness to say whatever I thought needed to be said never once hurt me. Did I get called on the carpet once or twice? Yep sure did, but it was always just a formality. One time what we talked about when I was in the woodshed with my superior was how much and how often he'd wanted to say just exactly what I had said.

But my friends and colleagues never caught on to the fact that being the guy who would "say anything" actually gave me more  power, authority and appreciation within the company throughout my career. It actually helped me get to where I wanted to be. There was value in being able to think clearly and also being willing to speak up about what I was thinking no matter the circumstances. No one ever had to wonder what I was thinking or what I might be saying behind their back.

The same type of appreciation has generally accrued to me from my friends. My friends know I will, more often than not, give them a true report of what I think. Most of them appreciate it. There are times, though they are rare, when my candidness costs me a new friend. Such was the case in the blog piece I wrote a few weeks ago entitled "A Tale of Two Men." I lost the friendship of a relatively new friend by talking to him candidly. But the friendship with the other man who was the subject of that blog continues to be a vary close and valued friend. In fact he paid me sort of the ultimate compliment last week. I told him I had to ask him a very rude question. His response was, "Between you and me there are no rude questions." I thought, how great is that? I realized he was right. There is nothing he could not ask me and nothing we can't discuss. He a true friend.

But here's the thing. Sometimes, actually, I'd rather not tell the truth for one reason or the other. And more than that, those of you who have been reading my writing for a while know very well I do NOT believe one should always tell the truth. The truth is,  truth can be wielded as one of the most terrible of weapons. Usually, that is the wrong thing to do. I don't have trouble not telling the truth in those situations. Usually I don't lie. I just say what I can and leave out the rest. Some would call that a lie of omission. I guess I'd call it strategic conversation. It's true, the truth can set one free. But wielding the truth as a weapon can cause severe trauma and anguish. What good is it to be free if one is traumatized into another kind of bondage?

I often debate whether or not to tell the truth in situations where I could get away with saying nothing at all, where nothing or very little is at stake; but my natural bent to say what I think. What I know as the truth is always pulling on me to speak it.

As I've told my regular readers many times, helping married homosexual or bisexual men and their wives understand each other and find a happy compromise in their lives is an avocation of mine that has become almost a full time job since I retired.  But here's the thing, even when your goal in life is to be of help to some one, free help, I might add. You have to sell it. My wife, on the other hand, charges $175.00 an hour for her time as a professional psychotherapist. And that's a deal compared to what she could charge on the east and west coasts. She doesn't have to sell her help to others. They seek her out because they know in order for her to practice she has to be educated, credentialed and regulated. They know she is backed by other professionals and resources as well. It inspires confidence in her patients that she will be able to help them.

In my case, I don't have all that supporting infrastructure. It's just me and my life experience along with my life which has turned out exceptionally well in spite of and even because of my bisexuality. And its my early experience of hating myself that I want to help others mitigate or avoid in their own lives. After all,  the years I spent hating my bisexuality accomplished little, and the process through which I came to see my bisexuality as me and to love who I am was actually pretty simple once I figured it out. It certainly wasn't complex. Anyone could do it. It's just that most people don't think of it and if they do think of it they sometimes don't have the willpower to do it.

So, the truth is, when I started this blog, I thought I needed a hook to pull people in. Who among you can guess what the hook was? If you said it was my picture blog at give yourself a pat on the butt and advance to the head of the class. You're one smart dude. That is exactly what the hook was and is. Now, its just my opinion, but I think my picture blog is one of the best picture blogs out there. It's posted on a consistent twice a month basis and it unfailingly has red hot pictures of some of the best looking men that ever pulled down their jeans for a photographer. For those of you who like XXX pictures of men, it is no secret to you there is a lot, I mean a whole lot, of trash out there, poor photography of some of the ugliest men anyone has ever seen. Some of the pictures floating around the internet would be enough to turn a bisexual or homosexual man straight, I kid you not! Well, maybe a little (grin).

In order to find a hundred or so exceptional pictures twice each month, I go through thousands of pictures. It's a time consuming and unfortunately, mind numbing process. But I do it for two reasons: (1) men will respond to pictures and sometimes when they see the link between my picture blog and my written blog, they'll take a look at the written blog too. (2) When I started looking at pictures I liked them a lot myself although I hated all the trash I had to go through to get to the ones that turned me on. But the turn on of finding the great pictures was reward enough for the work.

However, I've got to say, I'm living proof pornography should and must be a managed part of a guys life. If you look at it all the time, it looses its ability to excite you. Pictures that would get me hard as a rock a few years ago don't phase me now. Yawn, just another guy. But even now, pictures do come around that instantly turn me on. It's like discovering gold in Alaska. It makes all the work worthwhile. So I continue the picture blog because some of those pictures personally turn me on, and I hope they attract more guys to reading this blog.

Perhaps telling the truth about that will turn some of you off. I hope not. And there is a reason I wanted to share the truth with you. When I first started this blog and the picture blog, the picture blog was pulling in almost 100 viewers for every one viewer this written blog pulled in. That huge gap has been steadily closing, and for the last few months this written blog has been bringing in almost 20% more readers than the picture blog is bringing in.

Actually, I've been shocked, but pleasantly surprised to see the trends. I know my style of writing is not for everyone. We live in an age where people want their communication to be in short text messages, tweets and soundbites. That's just not me. I don't even have a Facebook or Twitter account. My writing is long, rambling, often apparently disjointed unless one looks closely for the connection. But my thought is one can't change lives with tweets, text messages and soundbites. One can only do that if others come to know and trust the blogger.

So, I wanted to share this interesting development with all of you. Don't worry I'll continue the picture blog. I like doing it for the one picture in thousands that really stirs up my juices, and I like doing it for all of you.  I want to say thanks to all of you who read this blog regularly. It means a lot to me when I get a letter from one of  you saying, "we've never met but I feel like you're a friend I know well and can trust." It makes my day.

In fact the only thing I don't like about both the blogs is that only a very small fraction of the viewers take the time to comment, actually only about four tenths of one percent. Almost 100% of the comments I do get are positive, so I guess it could be that all those who are not commenting are the ones that hate the blog, but if that were so, I don't think the number of viewers would be increasing like it is.

I don't know if the trend I've described will continue or not. I hope it does because the pictures are nice and often a turn on, but they don't give you much to think about that really affects your life. The written blog can do just that; and from most of the comments I do get, it does do that.

So, thanks to all of you who have made the blog a success. I appreciate it more than you can know.
And, while I'm telling the truth, there is another truth you should know. It is sometimes difficult to come up with material that will be interesting to readers month after month. The easy stuff, the things that were on my mind when I began this blog have all been said. The most viewed blog piece I've written was written over a year ago. "Frot And Frottage" has had more viewers than all the other blog pieces I've written put together. Try as I have, I've not been able to top that particular blog piece. So, if your dealing with a situation or a question that you would like to see what I might have to say about it, don't hesitate to write and tell me about it. I can't promise to blog about it, but the chances are mighty good that I will. Thanks to those of you who have already shared questions or ideas for me to blog about. I really appreciate your help.

Thanks again to all of you. I appreciate you all. Thanks to all who look at the picture blog. Thanks to those of you who take precious time out of your lives to read what I write. A special thanks to those of you who drop me an email or comment on line. Feedback, positive or negative is always helpful and always greatly appreciated.

Jack Scott


  1. I have found your blog to be of great help as I am coming out as a bisexual man late in life. It has been a time of discovery and also one of heart ache. I would be very interested in reading some information from your wife's perspective on how she has dealt with your bisexuality; it is a real struggle for my wife and there is very little information out there especially any with a positive spin on it.


    1. Thanks for your comment and your request. It's one I'd like to grant, but I can't. One of the things my wife asked of me when I came out to her as a bisexual man was that I never tell her the details of my bisexual life.

      This blog is all about the details of my bisexual life, so she has never seen it. I have never told her that I blog. So I can't ask her to write something for the blog.

      I can, however, tell you some of how she came to cope with and accept my bisexuality:

      (1) She knows I made no choices. My bisexuality is not an orientation I chose. It is just a part of me.

      (2) She took time to think and get over the shock of what I had told her before she began making decisions about what her response should be.

      (3) She realized that the life we had shared for many years always included my bisexuality. Nothing had changed except that she knew.

      (4) She asked me to agree to not have promiscuous encounters. To stick to long term buddies I trusted.

      (5) She let me know she was glad I had not told her at the time we married because she might have back out. She is glad I gave her time to mature and become educated about her response to bisexuality.

      (6) She made the wise decision not to be bombarded with all the details of my bisexual activities.

      (7) She was strong enough to trust me to make careful decisions. She realized being 100% safe is impossible, but she also knows I don't want to catch an STD anymore than she wants me to.

      I hope some of this helps you in dealing with your own wife. The truth is most women have to deal with extramarital sex. Most just don't know it. There are far more straight guys that have sex with women other than their wives. They just don't tell their wives and many of them don't get caught.

      People have even come to think of this kind of extramarital sex as normal. At the same time many find same sex extramarital sex abnormal and risky. It's not abnormal and it is less risky in many ways that is straight extramarital sex.

      Jack Scott

  2. Jack,
    My post on frottage is also one of my most widely read, so that subject must be HOT!

    I found your written blog before seeing your listed pictorial blog. Sometimes, I remember that you post pictures twice a month and go there, but I check DAILY to see if there is a new post on your written blog. Though sometimes somewhat lengthy, I almost always learn something, or concur about something, or rarely disagree about something (primarily religion). Perhaps you and I have lived long enough with enough experiences to share some wisdom with those younger. Keep on writing and posting, and I will keep on reading and commenting! And occasionally reward myself with your picture blog. Thanks, for it all.

    By the way, I think that your wife would appreciate you even more if she read your blog, since it is more about advice than your own sexual experiences.

    1. That might be the case. I know my several men who are very interested in it. I have never blogged about it personally but most of my long term relationships were Frot relationships.

      I really appreciate your comments on my written blog. Coming from another blogger, i really appreciate the comments. Believe it or not, I do cut things out of my blog pieces but there still always long. Since I get comments from guys that tell me my writing makes them feel like they know me, I've just given up trying not to be me in what I write.

      I do agree with you entirely that experience is a big part in our lives. As I have said many times, the main reason I blog is to give guys the benefit of a life full of experience that I have had in the hope they can avoid some pain.

      I'll have to think about that concerning my wife. You may be right.

      Thanks again.

      Jack Scott

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  4. Jack:
    I am homosexual. I remember realizing I was different from a very early age. I am now in my 75th year. I guess in the gay world that makes me a trol, LOL! Whatever.....

    I remember as a small boy of three or four I was very attracted to hairy men. I have a faint memory of sitting on the floor and having my hand up the pant leg of my Godfather and rubbing the thick fur on his leg....he was killed on VDay in World War Two. When I was a Junior in high school I came across an 8x10 picture of my dad and his friends in bathing suits. The one that caught my eye was a fuury dude that caused me to be instantly aroused. Later that day I showed my dad the picture and asked who was who. It turned out furry was my Godfather.

    I went on my own at 18 to live my life away from my family because they could or would not accept me for who I am. I hated myself and on 3 or 4 occasions I contemplated and attempted suicide. I am so very grateful I was not successful.

    I was raised Catholic and so being gay I was filled with so much guilt. I had to make myself acceptable to God and deny who I am.

    I entered a monastery at 42 was sent to seminary and ordained a priest on the eve of my 49th birthday. I tried to be celebate and thought I was dong very well until everything blew up in Boston with priest abusing children and being moved around to different parishes covering up their abuse allowing more and more children to be abused. Someone walked into my life about that time, someone I was not seeking and fell headover heals for him. He is 30 years younger and he had to be a gift of God.

    We just celebrated our 8th anniversary. He is my all and all.

    This past February informstion of my double life style was sent to my bishop and I was immediately removed from active ministry. I was devasted because I would not have an income. I went into a shell. One day I told my young man I was sorry for what had happened and his response was just so marvelous. He looked me in the eye and said "I am not sorry this happened. Now you do not have to be looking over your shoulder and wondering who is watching you."

    I am free in my head and my heart because the truth of who I am is known. I tried for many many years to hide it.

    I share this because in my case the truth really set me free and I have found people that I thought would reject me if they knew the real me, have told me "You are our friend we love you."

    Jack thank you for all your thoughts.


    1. Vincent, thanks so much for sharing your story. It something many of us can relate to and it is certainly interesting. All of us as Christians struggle with guilt. Unfortunately, Catholics are masters at instilling guilt, particularly in young people. Fundamental Christians are also good at it.

      Yet, there are ways to relieve the guilt if one only has the courage. It took me a lot of years to know what I should do and a few to then get the courage. I write this blog to shorten the years of pain for those who are willing to listen.

      I understand your relationship to your young friend. My young friend is 35 years my junior. When I knew my health was threatened by my cancer, I told him he was free to go. He didn't need to worry with an old man when he was in the prime of his life. He didn't say anything for a few moments, and then he said, "If it's ok with you, I'd like to stick around." He has become one of the lights of my world along with my wife and my kids and grandkids. Being around him makes me feel relevant to the world. He is a remarkable young man. He gives so much to many on many many levels. Just talking to him about his career and his goals for the future is such a wonderful thing.

      As for him, he was a very mature 28 year old when we met. Now, he is even more mature and certainly more comfortable by far with his bisexuality as a 30 year old man. He is making the most of his life and he has a wonderful future ahead of him. All I've had to do is talk to him which I love to do. He's done all the work of taking suggestions and changing his life and taking control of his bisexuality.

      Thanks again Vincent for a great letter.

      Jack Scott

  5. Jack,
    As one of your early readers and an enthusiastic supporter of your written blog, it comes as a surprise to me that you have the amount of time to both write so often, and also now do the picture blog. I made the decision very early in my own blog that incorporating some pictures that refer in some ways to the themes in the post would heighten the overall experience of reading, and maybe attract some readers. But I knew my real interest was in the writing, and for you that is also supreme. Your wonderful and erotic semi-monthly cavalcade of photos has clearly helped me both enjoy some visuals of gorgeous men, and also appropriate some for my own site. Thanks to you for doing that work too.

    The issue of our interest in the male body and our response to still or moving images of handsome, chiseled, and well endowed men does of course turn us bi or gay men on. But it is also something to be cautious about too. Most of us cannot compare to these blessed guys, so one has to be careful not to equate great sex and relationships with hot studs who are not the real norm. And we all may have had our own discoveries with actual men with some of those attributes that great looks, bodies, and cocks do not alone make good lovers.

    I know that easy access to porn and the internet helped confirm in me what I truly was, so I do not blame porn (as the right wing might) with making me gay, or making me stray from the marriage. But I do think looking back to way before I discovered porn, that envy of, and desire for, those exceptional gorgeous self confident (and occasionally hugely endowed) men made me feel inferior when I was younger, and can still make me feel like I am missing out on something (although having a wonderful male lover makes those thoughts disappear).

    We live in a society of amped up yearnings and dis-satisifaction bred in part by hollywood and commercial advertising ideas of what makes the good life and the hot partner. Too much porn can play into that same tendency. But in moderation, using it can be fun, and getting off on it may be another way for us to get in touch with our own sexuality, and maybe even learn some moves that would give some other person a great thrill!

    Jack, take it from one of those one percent that leaves you messages from time to time - you are a unique and valuable voice and role model for many of us. A big thanks!

    1. Thanks so much Jason for the great comment. As one of my first and biggest supporters, you're welcome to all the pictures you can use from my picture blog. You have given me so much wonderful support.

      You are oh so right about the need to not make the Adonis like men in my blog pictures into more than they are. They do not have average bodies or average cocks. Unfortunately, some of them are narcissistic and do not have not personality to match their physical beauty. They are just hot looking guys. We should all be well aware of the guy next door type who is much more approachable.

      That said, we must always be ready for the unexpected too. While most of my friends are, like me, the guy next door type, the unexpected has come three times in my life. My first buddy of 10 years was a ten in both physical appearance and personality. A more recent buddy from a few years back was a Department Head at the University of Houston. He was also a great looking guy with a great personality. He was one of the most beautiful hairy men I have ever seen. And, of course, my 30 year old friend is a treasure for both his looks and his personality as well as his physical presence. But the point is, I'd have enjoyed all these three guys just for their personality. The rest was just icing on the cake.

      Your are right too when you warn too much porn can ruin one's life. It can also ruin the fun of porn itself. The rule of thumb for my own life has always been, "All things in moderation." I've found that adherence to the rule has seemed to open up so much of the world to me and brought me important friends whom I never would have otherwise known.

      I appreciate you seeing me as unique. Many people have told me that in a less flattering way (grin). That you added "valuable" into the description is quite humbling.

      Thanks again.

      Jack Scott

  6. Jack,
    It's you that we should be thanking, instead of the other way around. I wish I could tell you how much your blog has helped me along my journal. If I had a choice, I would seek you out for a beer, or coffee, on a regular basis. I'd love a face to face conversation. I am sorry that I do not comment more often, or write you personally. That's just another aspect of my life for which I cannot find enough time. But you are appreciated. I read your posts regularly. I love your pics as well, but like you have become a bit desensitized. So your written blog is what I truly love.


    1. Jay, thanks for your great comment. I know how much figuring out my bisexuality and embracing it meant to me, so I have some idea about what it must mean to you.

      I am always very happy to hear from guys who feel I have provided some kind of valuable service to them. It makes all the difficult work worthwhile.

      I really appreciate the opportunity to meet with the guys who live here in Houston face to face. Through the years almost none of them have been sexual friends, just friends with something in common. But talking with them gives me as much or more than I give them. If you ever find yourself in Houston, let me know. I'd be happy to buy you a beer and have that face to face talk.

      Thanks again. I hope you'll keep on reading.

      Jack Scott

  7. Yeah porn is good... no denying. And there IS a lot of garbage out there. Thank God we can click past that to find the good stuff.
    However if I may, I'd like to just throw something out there:
    Are we spoiling ourselves with porn, and gorgeous guys??
    I mean, I could spend hours in front of the computer, jacking off to beautiful men, gorgeous twinks, hunky problem there.
    But last week I was at the sauna... and for the love of me.. I couldn't see ANYBODY that did anything for me. Are my standards too high BECAUSE of all the porn I watch?? Ok mind you I did manage to corner someone in the dark labyrinth... we made out, rubbed against each other, got hard, throbbed... I ended up kneeling in front of him and took his cock in my mouth. It was awesome.
    But that was a fluke... I mean usually I'm scouting around for Bel Ami guy, but what I end up finding in real life is rarely to what I jack off to at home.

    So the question is: Have I spoiled myself with too much porn?? Is there such a thing as too much??

    1. As mentioned above in another comment Rimbeau, you are correct. Too much porn can make one immune to it ability to stir our desires. It can also make us have unreasonable desires.

      The tens with big cocks are an exceedingly small percentage of men. They exist, but they are not common, especially outside the left or right coasts where many of them go to model.

      It is the guys more like ourselves that more often can be depended upon to offer us what we truly need.

      There is indeed too much porn. Have you spoiled yourself? Only you can answer that. Just remember that as I have said many times, I go through thousands and thousands of pictures every month just to find the 200 I post. That is how rare they are.

      Thanks for raising a very valid question. If any of you are looking at porn every day, you need to stop it. Limit yourselves to no more than 2 or 3 times a week and some weeks there should be enough other activity in your life that you see none. Even in my life, there are such weeks.

      Jack Scott


I deeply regret that I must reinstate the verification process for those who want to leave comments on my blog. This is due to the intolerable amount of spam that spammers are attempting to leave on the blog.

At the same time I am changing settings so that those of you who have a Google Blogger ID or other recognized blogger ID will not have to have your comments moderated. My hope is this will encourage more readers to take the time to comment. The fact is I want to read comments with those of you who disagree with me as well as those of you who agree with me. All I ask is that you keep your comments clean and non-threatening.

The only reason I take the time to write this blog is to spur your thoughts and comments. Please do not let the spammers cause you not to comment. I know entering the verification words and numbers is a pain in the ass, but I hope you will not let the spammers cause you not to comment.

I still very much look forward to hearing from you.

Jack Scott

Anyone can comment on what I write in this blog. Regretfully, the recent amount of spam in my email account as required that I reinstate the word verification process for comments which I personally hate.

But at the same time I have loosened the comment moderation process so that those of you who have a Google Blogger ID or other recognized blogger ID will no longer need to wait for your comment to be moderated. I'm hoping this will tempt you to take the trouble to comment.

The truth is I want respectful comments both from those who agree with me and those who do not. All I as is that you keep comments to the point, clean and non-threatenting.

I look forward to hearing from each of you.

Jack Scott