Since I was a very young child, I had a strong interest in other males. At first I didn't think this interest made me different from other boys in any particular way because I lived in a small Texas town where entertainment was almost non existent other than what we could organize ourselves as kids.
Boys being boys, and being boys who were together from morning to night we were very much aware of the marvelous appendage hanging between our legs and how good it could be made to feel. With little else to do and knowing each other so well, sexual activity was a group thing for us. Everyone did it and everyone enjoyed it.
We would play together in groups sometimes as big as ten or more and we would pair off at times based on personal interests and other factors. No one was ever made to do anything he didn't want to do and everyone was treated with respect. It was in many ways, an ideal childhood.
The sexual play continued into and through high school. Though some boys had dropped out by high school most still played. It wasn't that we were not interested in girls by this time, we were; but sex with our buddies was always available. Such was not the case with girls.
I married at 18. I assumed with a young beautiful wife who liked sex and was good at it in my bed each night the guy sex would die a natural death. I was devastated when that did not happen. In spite of all the great sex I wanted and more than I needed, the desire for my guy friends got stronger and stronger.
It was at this point, in those pre internet days, that I came to believe that I was the only married guy in the world who thought the thoughs and had the desires that I have. I began to think I was some kind of monster.
For years I fought off the desires and took no action concerning them. I could put it all out of my mind during the day, but at night I would dream dreams of hot guys and hard cocks and would awaken covered in my own cum.
Finally, the computer age arrived and I got my first computer. I made a huge discovery. There were chat rooms for gay and bisexual men. I was not unaware of homosexuality. I was totally unaware of bisexuality. I was totally unaware that there are tens of thousands of gay and bisexual married men around the world who struggle with their sexuality.
Those chat rooms opened a new world for me. I began to study everything I could get my hands on concerning homosexuality and bisexuality. I came to see that I was not a married homosexual man, but rather a married bisexual man. Through contacts with other men both in person and on the internet, I began to come to know myself and to respect myself again.
I came to see that I was not a monster. I was a successful man. A good husband and father. But like many other such men, I was bisexual.
I know for a fact that there are tens of thousands of such men still out there struggling with their sexual desire for men at the same time they try to be good husbands and fathers. This blog is dedicated to those men and my hope is that it will become a point of contact and communication for such men so that they can learn to accept themselves for what they are by birth and not by choice, gay or bisexual men.
I look forward to your participation in the blog and to your comments. Nothing is off limits in this blog. Since the goal is self understanding each participant must be free to express himself in the context of who he is.
We do not sit in judgement in this blog. We never attack. We never condemn. We offer a helping hand with empathy and genuine concern for one another.
Things like religion are touchy subjects. They are emotional subjects; but most Americans are religious people. A man cannot come to peace with his sexuality unless he does so within the context of his faith. Therefore religion can be discussed in the context of how it relates to ones sexuality. No one will be permitted to use the blog as a pulpit for converting others to their own brand of religion however.
By the same token, many are not religioius at all. Thousands of Americans have died for our right not only to practice our religious faith but also to be free of any religious faith at all if we so choose. No one will be condemned in this blog for being an atheist or a doubter.
I look forward to your comments and your contributions to self understanding of those of use who are married gay or bisexual men.
Anyone can comment on what I write in this blog. Regretfully, the recent amount of spam in my email account as required that I reinstate the word verification process for comments which I personally hate.
But at the same time I have loosened the comment moderation process so that those of you who have a Google Blogger ID or other recognized blogger ID will no longer need to wait for your comment to be moderated. I'm hoping this will tempt you to take the trouble to comment.
I look forward to hearing from each of you.
The truth is I want respectful comments both from those who agree with me and those who do not. All I as is that you keep comments to the point, clean and non-threatenting.
I look forward to hearing from each of you.