Thursday, October 28, 2010

Bisexuality Is More Common Than You Think

For so many years, I was in a personal hell of my own making. As far as I knew I was the only married guy in the world that thought of other guys with lust for their hard cocks and hard bodies even though I had a beautiful wife who gave me all the great sex I wanted and was very very good at it to boot.

To make matters worse, I was a Christian guy. I was not only a Christian guy, I was in church every Sunday and I was a leader in my church, not just a member in the seats. I was bound to be the  only Christian married man who dreamed of hard cocks and handsome men and craved a connection with them.

In those pre computer age days there simply was no way to know without exposing oneself to great danger how other guys felt about their sexuality or what their wet dreams were about.

In late 1990's I got my first laptop. For the first time I had the means and the opportunity to begin to explore the web. Much to my surprise, I found not only was I not alone; but there were millions of Christian married men just like me.

In a 2006 article by Antonio Galarza, Mr. Galarza states when you look at the romantic orientation of men, 71% are heteroromanitc meaning they have romantic feelings only for women.  He goes on to state that 15% of men are biromantic. That means that 15 % of men have romantic feelings toward other men as well as towards women. Another 13.5 percent of men are homoromantic which means they only respond to men romantically and do not respond to women romantically.

When it gets down to putting the boots on the ground, so to speak, and looking at the sexual orientation of men as opposed their romantic orientation, Mr. Galarza contends, shockingly,  that fully 79.5% of men are bisexual. In other words almost 8 of every 10 men are bisexual and are physically and emotionally capable of responding sexually to both other men and to women. In addition to the 80% whose sexual orientation is bisexual, Mr. Galarza contends that another 10% of men's sexual orientation is homosexual meaning the can respond sexually only to other men. Most shocking of all, Mr. Galarza contends that only 10% of all men are heterosexual in their sexual orientation, meaning that only 1 in every ten men is capable only of responding to a woman sexually.

Mr. Gararza does not contend that 80% of men are in fact actively bisexual. His contention is that they have had bisexual contacts at some point in their life or are capable of having such  contacts and responding to them. To put it in the simplists of terms, Mr. Galarza contends that bisexuality is the norm for the human male. It is only the power of cultural, societal and religious constraints that inhibit men from being what they biologically are. Anyone who has studied Greek and Roman culture can begin to see the possibilities behind Mr. Galarza's reasonsing. In those cultures bisexuality was the norm and it was a social norm as well as a biological norm. The Spartans were the greatest warrior society the wolrd has ever known and biexuality was the foundation upon which that fearsome warrior society was based. A man was fighting not only for  his country, his wife and his family, he was fighting beside his sexual partner and protecting his partner's life, while his partner did the same.

Mr. Galarza goes on to say, "It is the innate bisexuality of males that causes most straight-identified guys to fear anything gay. The label bisexual is rejected by "heterosexual" people -- and by straight males, in particular -- because they think that it means rejecting the opposite sex romantically. But one can be straight in the romantic sense and bisexual in the purely sexual sense -- at least, males can, who easily divorce sex from romance. One can also be gay in the romantic sense and bisexual in the purely hormonal sense. In other words, people can identify in more than one way if presented with new analytical concepts and multitiered orientation scales...."

While much of what Mr. Galarza writes would be shocking to the average American male, I found it fit me to a T. My romantic orientation is strictly heterosexual. I have always been romantically in love with my wife. I cannnot imagine being romantically in love with another man. However, since I was six years old, my sexual orientation has be bisexual. I guess in one sense, I would have to say that from the time I was six years old to about age twelve my sexual orientation was homosexual becasue I did not have and did not wish to have sexual encounters with girls at that age. However sexual encounters with other boys was a daily thing for me at that age. At about age twelve, right on schedule, I became interested in girls sexually and continued to have daily sexual encounters with guys. I had become bisexual in my sexual orientation.

Since I resolved to face my desires, I have had four long term buddies. All but one of these men have been Christians. The one was raised a Christian (Catholic) but rejected a belief in God as an adult. If anything, my personal experiece has been that while they are most likely to suffer guilt because of their sexual desires, Christian men seem somewhat more prone to express their bisexuality in male/male sexual activity than do those who are not believers.

Whatever the truth may be, it is true that America is one of the most Christian nations on earth. New surveys by the Pew Research Center continue to confirm that Americans are overwhelmingly people of faith. For that reason, married bisexual men must generally come to terms with their sexuality within the context of their faith or they cannot come to terms with it at all. This can be pretty difficult for those men who are part of the fundamental Christian right. However, as the news media regularly inform us, even national leaders of the fundamental Christian right are not immune to desires for hard cocks and hard bodies. The only thing that is shocking to me is that so many of these nationally known figures are so careless in exercising their desires.

As a long time moderator of a group for married bisexual men, I come into contact with a great number of men and discuss their sexuality openly with them.  A significant percentage of these men are clergy. A significant number of them, like other Christian men have feelings of guilt regarding their sexuality just as I did in my early married life.

I had to make my way though that guilt on my own. But as the old saying goes, "that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger." I am a stronger person for having pulled myself up by my own bootstraps and studied and reasoned myself to peace within my own heart and soul.

Now I am well aware that educated and learned men like Antonio Galarza have found bisexuality to be within the norms of human sexuality. I am part of one of the larger mainstream moderate Protestant churches and my own pastor is emphathetic to gay and bisexual persons which is as it should be as they are as God made them. All but the Psychotherapist who also happen to be fundamental Christians consider bisexuality to be within the norms of human sexuality.

The goal of this blog is not to convince those who choose to see it differently they are wrong. Instead, the goal of this blog is to convince those who are struggling with their marriage and their bisexuality they are not outside the human norm and they are not alone. To help them to see that peace and self understanding are possible.


  1. Hi Jack . . . my name is Tim, and I'm retired from both the Air Force and civilian workforce. I was amazed at the statistics you discussed, and don't feel quite so alone now. I'm 66, and, at age twenty, I had an intimate relationship with my First Sergeant--at my first duty station; I was a virgin when I entered the military, and was more than a little depressed about it. He picked up on this, and befriended me; fishing & drinking together became the norm, and, eventually, he orally seduced me one night while I was inebriated. I felt awful at first, thinking it would make me a "queer" (it was 1966), but eventually learned to enjoy and even reciprocate, orally. We never progressed to anal, though he wanted to--but respected my denial. Our "affair" lasted six months, until I left for Vietnam; we reunited for a one-night-stand (again, oral only), seven years later, when I was again stationed in Florida. Although I've never been with another man, thoughts of him and m2m sex have plagued me for 45 years; I am now certain that I am bisexual, despite two (unhappy) marriages and two adult kids. It's been eight years, since my Japanese wife and I began sleeping separately (her choice, due to disagreement about our 23 y.o. son's mild autism); during all this time, I have refrained from cheating/having sex with anyone. I finally concluded (via the internet) that there are many other married men, in predicaments similar to mine; although I haven't "hooked up" with anyone, as yet, it's in the works. I fully intend to proceed with my attempts to find a male lover, and find the sexual release that's not available to me at home; I'll be totally discreet, of course, but I'm tired of being sexually-frustrated and alone, all the time. I have a pacemaker/defibrillator that keeps me ticking, and a diagnosis of "situational depression," as well (for which I take "escitalopram oxalate, 10mg, daily). While my wife and son were in Japan last November (my daughter is studying abroad, in Paris 'til next month), I actually 'planned' to commit suicide on Veterans Day--via carbon monoxide, in our garage; I fully intended to go through with it, until that very evening. But I had a change of heart, mainly due to the thought of my daughter having to rush back from Paris, for a funeral; I no longer consider this to be an option, but I now realize the importance of "accepting myself for what I am . . . . a 66 year old married bisexual." Thanks for providing me with an avenue to "sound off." Best regards, Tim

  2. your not alone with this either.,

  3. I don't write a bunch of responses, but i did some searching and wound up here "Bisexuality Is More Common Than You Think". And I do have 2 questions for you if you do not mind. Could it be only me or does it give the impression like a few of these comments come across like they are written by brain dead people? :-P And, if you are writing at other places, I'd liκe to keeρ
    up with anything fresh you havе to post. Could you list of the completе urls of all your communal sіtеs like your Faceboοk рage,
    tωitteг feed, or linkedіn profile?
    My homepage - does your ex still love you quotes


I deeply regret that I must reinstate the verification process for those who want to leave comments on my blog. This is due to the intolerable amount of spam that spammers are attempting to leave on the blog.

At the same time I am changing settings so that those of you who have a Google Blogger ID or other recognized blogger ID will not have to have your comments moderated. My hope is this will encourage more readers to take the time to comment. The fact is I want to read comments with those of you who disagree with me as well as those of you who agree with me. All I ask is that you keep your comments clean and non-threatening.

The only reason I take the time to write this blog is to spur your thoughts and comments. Please do not let the spammers cause you not to comment. I know entering the verification words and numbers is a pain in the ass, but I hope you will not let the spammers cause you not to comment.

I still very much look forward to hearing from you.

Jack Scott

Anyone can comment on what I write in this blog. Regretfully, the recent amount of spam in my email account as required that I reinstate the word verification process for comments which I personally hate.

But at the same time I have loosened the comment moderation process so that those of you who have a Google Blogger ID or other recognized blogger ID will no longer need to wait for your comment to be moderated. I'm hoping this will tempt you to take the trouble to comment.

The truth is I want respectful comments both from those who agree with me and those who do not. All I as is that you keep comments to the point, clean and non-threatenting.

I look forward to hearing from each of you.

Jack Scott