Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Prejudicial Concepts of Bisexuality

A few weeks ago researchers at Northwestern  University did a scientific about face and announced in a new study that bisexuality appears to exist after all.

The outcry from the usual quarters was immediate though this time, I think, at least so far, the militant straight women have outdone the radical homosexual men in denouncing the study with their prejudicial and egocentric thinking.

An acknowledged spokeswoman for ex wives of gay men, for whom I have a great deal of respect for her advocacy of equal protections for homosexual people under the law, was quick to blog that she, for one, was still not convinced. The only real support she voiced for her lack of conviction was that her own ex husband had claimed to be a bisexual man and NOT a homosexual man when she had discovered his attraction to other men. For an obviously intelligent woman, I have to say that is stooping pretty low for a foundation on which to build a conclusion that questions if not outright denies the existence of a class of people that numbers in the tens of millions.

This same woman has been farsighted enough to suggest in her own blog that she supports some sort of legal partnerships for gay men because by giving gay men equal protection under the law and making it possible for them to openly enjoy all the rights and privileges of heterosexual persons there will be less cause in the future for homosexual men to seek to hide behind a false marriage to a woman and end up hurting her and their children. She also seems to understand that such openness will also allow young homosexual men to self identify at an earlier age and thus prevent men who are confused about their sexuality from entering into marriage in a confused state of mind.

It is a testament to the utter power of prejudicial and egocentric thinking that someone who has figured all these things out is still hung up on accepting bisexuality as real simply because a number of men label themselves as bisexual on their journey to self acceptance as a homosexual man.

No one is denying that thousands of women have been hurt by their homosexual husbands. That is a indisputable fact. But it is also indisputable that very few of these men set out purposely to hurt and to harm those they more often than not truly loved. Some men honestly thought they could as married men put the desires for male/male sex behind them. Some men were honestly confused about their own sexuality having been raised in families and in an earlier society in which such things were not open to discussion.

It seems to me that any woman who has been deceived and hurt by a husband whose sexuality turned out to be something other than heterosexuality would be 100% in favor of anything that would help all members of society to get all the cards on the table for open, frank and honest discussion.

I guess wounded pride, bitterness and a sense of betrayal can go a long way in helping one to close their eyes and their minds to the truth. I just don't see that denying the existence of bisexuality does anything constructive for these women. On the other hand, it seems to me that such denial is ultimately quite destructive to the building of a world in which sexuality is open and above board and used as one of many considerations on which we all enter into and build our relationships.

The fact is, defining bisexuality is illusive. The researchers at Northwestern University acknowledged that in their research when for the first time they took the seemingly obvious step of selecting their research subjects from the ranks of people who functioned as bisexuals. Ever since the pioneering Kinsey studies on human sexuality, human sexuality as been seen as an array of behaviors. People are not all the same. They fall out along a line of possible variables in their sexual behaviors and practices. Yet, in previous studies, research subjects had been recruited largely from the ranks of homosexuals and heterosexuals

It is possible for a man who is for all intents and purposes heterosexual, to think about or to have a homosexual experience. That does not necessarily make him bisexual or homosexual. It is also possible for a homosexual man to think about or to have a heterosexual experience. That does not make him heterosexual or bisexual; and, unfortunately, a number of married men and women have found this out the hard way. We all fall in various places along the line. I wonder just how many married women who are so disgusted by their husband's have had their own sexual thoughts about another woman cross their mind? It's bound to have happened in a number of cases.

I don't think I've ever met a single man who would, all things considered, have chosen to be either homosexual or bisexual had he been given the choice. The fact is none of us were given the choice. For years some men have called themselves bisexual simply because they happen to be married to a woman and enjoy sex with a man. But history substantiates that some people have always felt an attraction to both sexes, and in today's more open society, millions are willing to talk about the fact that, like it or not, they are attracted sexually to each gender.

No one does themselves or their cause any favor by denying the facts. The only solutions to the hurt and the pain are to open ourselves to the facts and deal with them openly and honestly. Bisexuality does exist. Denying it does not change that. Wishing it were not so does not change it either. I know that from personal experience.

Jack Scott


  1. I wonder what this same woman would say if it were bisexuality in women that had been discovered to be legitimate. Would opinions be different? Most people are a lot more accepting of women's sexual diversity than men. I suspect that trickles down to us who are bisexual as well.

  2. Jack, I'm posting here the same thing I posted on Maggie's blog. I don't agree that there is no such thing as bisexuality. In fact it was a heated discussion I had with a lesbian friend who vehemently denied the existence of bisexuality that led me to these blogs in the first place. But, in defense of the orignal blog posting, this woman has been bitterly hurt, her life turned upside down by a creep. How much had she even considered this subject before that happened? As she learns more her beliefs may evolve. Isn't what talking about this stuff is all about?

    I've long felt that that bisexuality exists. I have no doubt that some people can be attracted to both sexes. I've dated a couple of bisexual men and they were very interested in women. How that interest would have been maintained over a long relationship is anyone's guess because I believe, too, that their degree of interest can vary over time.

    I've come to consider that the real opposition to the concept of bisexuality stems from the gay political movement. Bisexuality seems to undercut the "born this way" dogma that the gay establishment has hung it's hat on. If sexuality is more fluid and can change over time, what does that do to the genetically or hormonally predetermined orthodoxy? The only people I've ever met who reject bisexuality out of hand are gay men and women. It seems to be a threat to their world view.

    Sexuality and the nuances of sexual attraction are far to complex and influenced by far too many factors to have a one size fits all answer.

    I have a friend. Lovely woman. Divorced, grown kids, dating men for whom a close friendship with a female coworker turned into a love affair. They married and have been very happy together for many years. My friend was a straight woman-never considered herself anything else. She isn't now. Is she gay? Bisexual? Did it just make more sense to partner with a woman at this stage of her life? Who knows. She doesn't but it's not an issue for the couple nor any of their friends and family. It just is.

    None of this changes the fact, though, that people need to be honest with one another. Bi, Gay or Straight, you owe it to whomever you involve yourself with to be honest and let your partner decide if they choose to deal with it. Using the excuse of bisexualtiy to lie and cheat is still dishonest.

  3. Savon said something interesting, that the gay political movement believes that bisexuality undercuts the "born this way" dogma. I don't understand the logic. Where in nature is anything simply on, or off? Does the existence of dirty blonde or light brown hair make true blonde or black hair less real? The same genetics that make a gay man gay can certainly make a bisexual. It just seems obvious to me.

    But then again, my perspective is prejudiced. I am, after all, a mythical bisexual male. Maybe I will wake up one day and realize that I am a homosexual in disguise.

    Like Savon, I know a woman who lived a straight life until she fell in love with another woman. My sister. Is that another argument for genetics? My sister was in a committed relationship with another women for years. And when that ended, her next partner was a man. And then there's my wife, who at times gets as turned on by women as I do.

  4. I think at this point we [as a society] should get beyond the question of whether or not bisexuality exists. Everyone gets so hung up on a label!

    I like savon's closing statement, along with Jay's listed above. Eventually with couples, when it comes to sex, they ask each other, "So, what do you like?" It seems to be the way gay guys establish early on into their meeting whether or not they are interested in each other. [After all, looks are deceiving.]

    Why can't straight couples have the same approach? In this day and age, I can't believe that straight couples would be so inhibited to ask this question, and answer honestly.

    But I suppose there is still an enormous stigma to the admission of lust, hidden attractions, 3 ways, or same sex attractions. Everyone wants to pretend to be the all American, wholesome Campbell's Soup Kids when it comes to sex, and as soon as there is a deviation from that, we go running to Mommy.

    Joan Rivers said it best. "Oh--Grow up!"

  5. Great post and great conversation within the comments. I believe that if there were no homophobia in the world there would be no being gay or straight. Homophobia forces us to choose a camp and most of us choose one of the two extremes. So what happens to those of us in between? We become invisible, misunderstood, and rejected by the two extremes. If there were no homophobia we would all find ourselves somewhere along a continuum of sexual preferences and desires.

    It is fear and laziness that makes us want to categorize everything in our lives. Stand two self-identified gay men side by side and compare their attractions, desires, and fetishes and you would see very distinct individuals. The same would go for two self-identified straights. No two of us are alike. Genetics, experience, environment, upbringing, and perspective all play a part in shaping who we are. I can now see why younger people are shifting back to the term queer. It's less divisive and more open to interpretation.

    What hurts people most is a fear of the truth — living your truth, sharing your truth and accepting someone else's truth. We all function out of a desire to get our needs met. Some days we are more skillful at going about that than others. If we can just recognize those needs in ourselves and then in others there would be less hate and violence in the world.

    Just a thought.


I deeply regret that I must reinstate the verification process for those who want to leave comments on my blog. This is due to the intolerable amount of spam that spammers are attempting to leave on the blog.

At the same time I am changing settings so that those of you who have a Google Blogger ID or other recognized blogger ID will not have to have your comments moderated. My hope is this will encourage more readers to take the time to comment. The fact is I want to read comments with those of you who disagree with me as well as those of you who agree with me. All I ask is that you keep your comments clean and non-threatening.

The only reason I take the time to write this blog is to spur your thoughts and comments. Please do not let the spammers cause you not to comment. I know entering the verification words and numbers is a pain in the ass, but I hope you will not let the spammers cause you not to comment.

I still very much look forward to hearing from you.

Jack Scott

Anyone can comment on what I write in this blog. Regretfully, the recent amount of spam in my email account as required that I reinstate the word verification process for comments which I personally hate.

But at the same time I have loosened the comment moderation process so that those of you who have a Google Blogger ID or other recognized blogger ID will no longer need to wait for your comment to be moderated. I'm hoping this will tempt you to take the trouble to comment.

The truth is I want respectful comments both from those who agree with me and those who do not. All I as is that you keep comments to the point, clean and non-threatenting.

I look forward to hearing from each of you.

Jack Scott