Prejudicial Concepts of Bisexuality

A few weeks ago researchers at Northwestern  University did a scientific about face and announced in a new study that bisexuality appears to exist after all.

The outcry from the usual quarters was immediate though this time, I think, at least so far, the militant straight women have outdone the radical homosexual men in denouncing the study with their prejudicial and egocentric thinking.

An acknowledged spokeswoman for ex wives of gay men, for whom I have a great deal of respect for her advocacy of equal protections for homosexual people under the law, was quick to blog that she, for one, was still not convinced. The only real support she voiced for her lack of conviction was that her own ex husband had claimed to be a bisexual man and NOT a homosexual man when she had discovered his attraction to other men. For an obviously intelligent woman, I have to say that is stooping pretty low for a foundation on which to build a conclusion that questions if not outright denies the existence of a class of people that numbers in the tens of millions.

This same woman has been farsighted enough to suggest in her own blog that she supports some sort of legal partnerships for gay men because by giving gay men equal protection under the law and making it possible for them to openly enjoy all the rights and privileges of heterosexual persons there will be less cause in the future for homosexual men to seek to hide behind a false marriage to a woman and end up hurting her and their children. She also seems to understand that such openness will also allow young homosexual men to self identify at an earlier age and thus prevent men who are confused about their sexuality from entering into marriage in a confused state of mind.

It is a testament to the utter power of prejudicial and egocentric thinking that someone who has figured all these things out is still hung up on accepting bisexuality as real simply because a number of men label themselves as bisexual on their journey to self acceptance as a homosexual man.

No one is denying that thousands of women have been hurt by their homosexual husbands. That is a indisputable fact. But it is also indisputable that very few of these men set out purposely to hurt and to harm those they more often than not truly loved. Some men honestly thought they could as married men put the desires for male/male sex behind them. Some men were honestly confused about their own sexuality having been raised in families and in an earlier society in which such things were not open to discussion.

It seems to me that any woman who has been deceived and hurt by a husband whose sexuality turned out to be something other than heterosexuality would be 100% in favor of anything that would help all members of society to get all the cards on the table for open, frank and honest discussion.

I guess wounded pride, bitterness and a sense of betrayal can go a long way in helping one to close their eyes and their minds to the truth. I just don't see that denying the existence of bisexuality does anything constructive for these women. On the other hand, it seems to me that such denial is ultimately quite destructive to the building of a world in which sexuality is open and above board and used as one of many considerations on which we all enter into and build our relationships.

The fact is, defining bisexuality is illusive. The researchers at Northwestern University acknowledged that in their research when for the first time they took the seemingly obvious step of selecting their research subjects from the ranks of people who functioned as bisexuals. Ever since the pioneering Kinsey studies on human sexuality, human sexuality as been seen as an array of behaviors. People are not all the same. They fall out along a line of possible variables in their sexual behaviors and practices. Yet, in previous studies, research subjects had been recruited largely from the ranks of homosexuals and heterosexuals

It is possible for a man who is for all intents and purposes heterosexual, to think about or to have a homosexual experience. That does not necessarily make him bisexual or homosexual. It is also possible for a homosexual man to think about or to have a heterosexual experience. That does not make him heterosexual or bisexual; and, unfortunately, a number of married men and women have found this out the hard way. We all fall in various places along the line. I wonder just how many married women who are so disgusted by their husband's have had their own sexual thoughts about another woman cross their mind? It's bound to have happened in a number of cases.

I don't think I've ever met a single man who would, all things considered, have chosen to be either homosexual or bisexual had he been given the choice. The fact is none of us were given the choice. For years some men have called themselves bisexual simply because they happen to be married to a woman and enjoy sex with a man. But history substantiates that some people have always felt an attraction to both sexes, and in today's more open society, millions are willing to talk about the fact that, like it or not, they are attracted sexually to each gender.

No one does themselves or their cause any favor by denying the facts. The only solutions to the hurt and the pain are to open ourselves to the facts and deal with them openly and honestly. Bisexuality does exist. Denying it does not change that. Wishing it were not so does not change it either. I know that from personal experience.

Jack Scott