Thursday, September 22, 2011

A Helping Hand

I received this letter this morning from an anonymous man:

"It is important to note that I love and have always loved my wife. It is important to note that I love and have always loved my family. It is important to note that we started out with nothing and worked side by side to build our dreams and we achieved those dreams and more than we had dreamed. It is important to note that I am socially and emotionally a straight man. I have no desire whatsoever to be in love with a man or to live with a man. A man is simply a physical attraction to me; and as I stated before, there is every reason to believe that is an esoterical thing that bisexual men understand and others do not."

... I have to comment on this. I'm not sure if the OP will ever read this, but...

I literally could have written the above paragraph word for word. I just stumbled across your blog today and have been reading it for the past hour. I just printed that paragraph and am taking it to my next session with my therapist. I'm 40 and not sure how much longer I can continue 'in the closet'. I want to talk about this so badly, and yet, most times, I think my therapist looks at me like I am a fuckin freak. I'm envious of your openness with your wife. I want to do it, but I don't think I can...


Guys such as -T are the reason, the only reason, I blog about and am so open about my own journey through my bisexuality. I hurt and hated myself for so many years feeling I was a monster like no other in the world. I had no one to talk to about it.

That decades long experience made me want to do all that I possibly can to help other guys avoid such personal pain over their bisexuality. I finally found answers for myself that have allowed me to live in peace with my bisexuality.

That doesn't mean I have the answers for anyone else, but I can sure talk to anyone and help him to work through some of the problems and perhaps find answers that will work for him in his particular situation.

There are some good psychotherapists out there, but sometimes they are hard to find when dealing with this subject. It is simply vital that we feel as if someone, at least, understands us. For bisexual guys, often the only person that can truly understand is another bisexual guys.

Please, if you have no one else you feel you can talk to, talk to me. I'll respect your privacy. You can contact me at

Jack Scott


  1. I feel that the paragraph describes me in this respect also, though I've never felt any guilt about these feelings. I have felt some guilt about actually meeting some guys, but I feel that the my goal is not to find guys to have sex with, but to be friends with.

  2. I, too, feel exactly the same way. I would not change being married or a husband and father. That being said there is something about the male form that physically attracts me. Sometimes it is a look on their face, sometimes a glimpse of his forearm, sometimes it is the way he walks into the room but always it results in a tingling in my brain. Thanks for letting us bi guys know we are not alone.

  3. Back in the old days (I am almost 69), some of us including myself thought we were straight as we were becoming men. After about 6 years of marriage, I realized that I was more sexually aroused by men than women, and started having anonymous trysts on the side. Two grown sons and 25 years later, I divorced, so that I could come out of the closet to those I chose, but not everyone such as colleagues at work. In my case, it went beyond bisexual because I was no longer interested in sex with females, and came to grips with being gay. Would I have chosen to be gay? No. I love my family, my sons and their families. But I am what I am, and that is gay! For more details, read about me in my blog in the post titled: "Who Your Blogger Is . . ."

  4. I think we could all write books based on these experiences. Perhaps this is the next best thing, but in a way it's much more convenient, discreet, and current. Write on--and thanks!

  5. Posting "A Helping Hand" to my blog was a difficult decision. I didn't want make "T" think I was putting him in an unwanted spotlight, yet at the same time, his comment about my blog had touched me and I wanted to help if possible.

    "A Helping Hand" has proven to be the right decision. It has caused a number of guys to contact me privately telling me about their situations.

    Having someone to talk to is a very big thing. Years ago in my pain and self-hate I would have given almost anything for someone just to talk to.

    The offer stands. If you need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to contact me via email.

    Jack Scott

  6. I applaud you for offering that helping hand. I wish I had someone like you to talk with 2 years ago when I told my wife and separated from her. I still think it was the right decision for me, but I might have done it more graciously.

    And even though I live with my partner, I am still socially and emotionally a straight man.

    Thanks for being a resource to those of us finding ourselves somewhere in the middle between straight and gay.


I deeply regret that I must reinstate the verification process for those who want to leave comments on my blog. This is due to the intolerable amount of spam that spammers are attempting to leave on the blog.

At the same time I am changing settings so that those of you who have a Google Blogger ID or other recognized blogger ID will not have to have your comments moderated. My hope is this will encourage more readers to take the time to comment. The fact is I want to read comments with those of you who disagree with me as well as those of you who agree with me. All I ask is that you keep your comments clean and non-threatening.

The only reason I take the time to write this blog is to spur your thoughts and comments. Please do not let the spammers cause you not to comment. I know entering the verification words and numbers is a pain in the ass, but I hope you will not let the spammers cause you not to comment.

I still very much look forward to hearing from you.

Jack Scott

Anyone can comment on what I write in this blog. Regretfully, the recent amount of spam in my email account as required that I reinstate the word verification process for comments which I personally hate.

But at the same time I have loosened the comment moderation process so that those of you who have a Google Blogger ID or other recognized blogger ID will no longer need to wait for your comment to be moderated. I'm hoping this will tempt you to take the trouble to comment.

The truth is I want respectful comments both from those who agree with me and those who do not. All I as is that you keep comments to the point, clean and non-threatenting.

I look forward to hearing from each of you.

Jack Scott